Letting Me Go

A poem.

Sarah Terrell February 27, 2014
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“My dearest baby girl”
She starts
“This is the hardest letter I will ever write”

Oh yes, I was conceived in a lustful venture…
Teenage hands wandering onto another’s body,
Flesh molding, only distinguished by texture, color
I was not made with love,
But this lady so strange to me loved me
“I love you dearly, and it was the hardest thing in the world to let you go”

She let me go…
Into a new world
To a mother who did not birth me,
But who was destined to be mine
To a father,
not of blood,
But who shaped me as he held me in his loving hands
I AM their daughter

“Please understand, the day they took you from me was the hardest day of my life”
I see her, stroking a child…me…for the last time,
Kissing me,
And watching them take me away
Sweat and tears draining the last of her
For they took me not for a minute, an hour, a day…but for a lifetime

I do understand, dear lady,
I do…
Seventeen year old hands cannot hold the heavy weight of a child.
As you let me go…I was born twice
Once to you,
And then again to my parents.

“When I went into labor, I didn’t tell anyone,
I was scared to let you go.”
She wrote me in a letter, a letter that waited
seventeen years for me to read.
I was scared to read it.
And dear lady, I’m scared to think about it…
I answer questions on the topic vaguely…a splash of pastels, when my thoughts are so vividly bright.

I do wonder
Do you look like me…see like me…feel like me?
Perhaps one day I will meet you…

“I can never thank you enough for all the joy and happiness you have brought to my life.”
You wrote seventeen years ago.

Dear lady, I can never thank you enough for all the joy you have brought to mine.
I can never thank you enough for letting me go.

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Sarah Terrell


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