Because of open adoption, my husband isn’t just my babies’ daddy. He is the father of two other women’s children, too. When choosing a family for their children, many birth mothers look to the prospective adoptive father as a key reason the family is either perfect or imperfect for their child. This hopeful father conjures thoughts of teaching their son how to be a good man or modeling for their daughter what kind of man she should strive to marry some day. Many hopes and dreams for their children rest firmly in the hands of a strong role model: their babies’ future daddy.
In our family, we’re lucky to have an amazing man for our children to call “Daddy.” He sets the bar so high for fathers as a whole, but he recognizes the unique responsibility he has specifically as a dad through open adoption, and he doesn’t take it lightly. That’s why each of us–the three mothers of his two children–wanted to write him a love letter of sorts. We wanted to express just how much having a good father for our children means to us. As you read, we hope you’ll be inspired to leave a comment citing the things you love about your baby’s daddy as we celebrate the wonderful men in all of our lives this Father’s Day.
To Our Babies’ Daddy,
Thanks to open adoption, you’re called Daddy by two kids, but you’re “the father of my child” to three women who all look up to you as the protector of their children, the voice of reason, and the person they know they can lean on without fail. We put our faith in you every day, and we all pause and smile when we see the look in your eye as you’re taking care of your children with such a huge heart and such humility. Our son ran into the room one day and said, “You know what I want to be when I grow up? A daddy just like my daddy. Can I be that someday?!” Each of us nodded and said he had huge shoes to fill, but there’s no doubt he’ll be an excellent daddy someday because of the example you set for him every day.
Your potential as a father is a huge part of why I chose you to be my husband, and both of our children’s birth mothers have mentioned your tender heart, patience, and intelligence as key reasons they trusted us with their children. You honor the fact that other men gave your children life and that you are not your children’s only father, but you are always doing your best to make those men proud of the life you give their children. During times of conflict, you are the neutral party who steps in and shows compassion for everyone–a model of the kind of attitude we should all strive to have in our open adoptions–as your babies’ moms stand in awe of all you accomplish and thank you from the bottom of their hearts for the kind of man you are and the effect it will have on the children they love.
In honor of adoptive fathers everywhere, we complied the top reasons why we think you, specifically, are so amazing:
My Top 5:
- For being a modern dad; you cook, clean, change diapers, kiss ouchies, sing songs, scratch backs, and you tell our kids every day that they can accomplish anything they set their minds to.
- For holding my hands while I cry the ugly cry, reassuring me that I’m failing no one, that my best is enough, and that you’ll be there to catch me no matter what.
- For strapping our daughter to you when we tackle the weekly trip to the grocery store, then smiling your biggest smile at every woman who gives you a sideways glance.
- For sparing me so many middle-of-the-night feedings when you realized I couldn’t fall back asleep afterwards and doing it with no complaints as you actually savored the time to get to know your kids.
- For being on board with every new disciplinary technique I ask you to follow–not only humoring me, but being my partner as we raise our children to be good-hearted people.
Your Babies’ Birth Moms’ Combined Top 10:
- For beginning this journey with me without knowing what to expect, but having open arms and giving me the confidence that you’d go above and beyond to make sure you never left your son’s side.
- For accepting, without hesitation, when I chose you as my daughter’s dad and never keeping a secret from that day on, always allowing her to know her birth family
- For being exactly everything our son wouldn’t have had, for showing him how to ride a skateboard, teaching him manners, praying with him, telling him how smart he is.
- For being so hands-on with my daughter and loving her unconditionally.
- For the love and nurture that only an amazing father could give a child.
- For giving my daughter the life I dreamed of her having and so much more.
- For always keeping your cool and being so positive about everything.
- For always being you and never changing, from the first time I met you, to after the “dust settled,” until now.
- For being so optimistic in every situation and for always being caring and thoughtful.
- For being my daughter’s dad: her super hero and her role model.
Please take this list to heart. Let it motivate you in the hard times when our toddler is screaming, “Noooo!” and throwing himself on the floor, bumping his head in the process, and then looks to you for comfort and reassurance that all is okay. Think back to what your children’s mothers said about you when you have doubt in yourself over whether you’re doing it right, saying it right, or making us proud. We all three picked you because you love with your whole heart, which not only includes loving our kids, but loving each of us for being the mothers of your children.
Melissa, Bianca, and Mallorie
Readers: Take a second to write a short message of love and appreciation to your baby’s father in the comments section below. List one thing or a dozen things,and then share the link to show him what an important man he is in your life and the life of your children!