I haven’t talked about it too much, and frankly, I haven’t noticed a whole lot of birth-first parents that talk about this.
Signing off parental rights.
I have a unique adoption story, and anyone reading this knows their own story. Every story has a different flavor and experience, but we all share something similar.
Phoenix was 8-9 months old when his birth-first father and I signed off rights. We had each been pulled aside by our court-appointed attorney’s and asked if we wanted to do it apart. Apparently we both agreed to stand together in front of the judge, and I will be frank: I don’t remember a whole lot about that day.
As we stood before the judge, he read us the termination of rights, and it was like being slowly stabbed–slowly and painfully flayed for all to see. I was giving up my chance for him, to hold him as my own, and to be anything to him. It would be up to the adoptive parents to tell me and let me in, no longer me.
Tears slipped down my cheeks, and I replied with a soft yes in agreement to let the judge know I understood just what I was doing.
I walked back to the wooden seats, sat next to Tara, and grasped her hand. I looked her in the eye as the attorneys discussed whatever they were saying and I told her, ”I am so glad you are his.”
Even now, I feel that sadness. I feel a sorrow I can’t ever replace, but I have also walked through my adoption experience and worked and prayed and continually been open and honest about it.
There have been days where the only thing keeping me here was knowing I did the right thing, and if you look at some of my previous blogs, the phrase “To Live is To Love” has been a powerful motivator for many reasons.
Becoming a birth-first parent is, when you boil it down, a choice. The prices and scars left from that choice echo for years in the lives of those around us, and it changes you.
Maybe you are struggling with your decision to adopt because you don’t want to see this hurt in your child’s birth parents. This is a choice, and with love and compassion and a willingness to see your family become whole, we become a part of your story through it.
Open adoption has changed the way I see the world and made it possible to love in a greater capacity then felt ever before. I see pain etched in people’s faces, and I know how deep the scars of life can run us down.
Adoption is a scar I chose, plain and simple. It also has made me a better, more complete person, even when I knowingly gave up my heart as a mother to allow for Tara and Family to have him as theirs.
See the world through love today because you have the capacity to love deeper then you ever thought when you choose adoption.
Loving you wonderful readers!