I placed my daughter for adoption in 1984 because I did not feel like I could bring her into my home. My life was a bit of a roller coaster for several years, and I wasn’t coping with it very well. But, finally, I got what I needed to deal with it all and got to a place of peace. All the while, I never had any kind of expectations as to what would happen down the road. It was just too scary to get my hopes up.
Last December, I was feeling very moved to write my daughter a letter and put it in her file at the agency I used. It was through helping another woman who was placing her child for adoption that I realized I needed to update my file. Two days after my letter reached her file, her adoptive father contacted the agency wondering where I was. He asked if they had heard from me recently.
It was amazing– the connection I’ve had with this child, even though she wasn’t part of my life! She started instant messaging me in February. We felt like we were long lost friends. We shared so many common things, from the food we eat, to the sayings we use, to the way we do our hair, AND we look almost identical. The connection we have is so powerful. I wonder if it’s genes or if it’s spiritual? It’s probably both.
It was very nice staying in the moment and just enjoying whatever this was going to be. She had thanked me for placing her with her father because she adores him! Yet, she told me that she has ALWAYS yearned for me, just as I had for her. And it’s interesting how we never know what these adopted kids go through. I couldn’t even guess, and I never tried to. I remember recently telling her that I want to be the very best for her. And even though I knew that I did the right thing for her, I felt that I had failed her. My beautiful daughter told me that she had always thought SHE had failed me! What a surprise that was.
Finally one Saturday I went to her college basketball scrimmage, and we talked and hugged and kissed and took pictures and cried and hugged again. It was a magical day. Her entire basketball team got to be witness to all of this, as well as my best friend who went with me. It was a great reunion– better than I could have ever planned and better than any talk show. I truly LOVE this woman. I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to let my heart out, but it was completely natural to love this child. She is everything I could ever want and more!
I’m happy that I am finally able to be there for her. The most painful event in my life has become the most joyful one. I just wanted to share my story, because I believe it is awesome and very important.