Taking Care of My Elderly Birthmom
I think my story must be quite unique, but would like to know if there is anyone out there who has the same problems. My birth mother gave me up for adoption in 1945 at the age of three months. I was not formally adopted until I was four years old, having been a ward of the crown until then. I reunited with my birthmother eighteen years ago and have kept in touch with her over the years. It has been a very successful reunion. I am her only child. This year we traveled out to Vancouver from our home in Ontario because to make a long story short, she was not doing too well. We brought her back to live in Ontario at a retirement home. She says she is very happy, as are we to have her here. It is a dream come true. Now for the nightmare. Her brother, who has not bothered to contact her is fighting me for committeeship and her care saying I am not her “real daughter,” as I was placed for adoption. He is 80; my mom is 84. My only wish is to keep her here where her grandchildren are and her daughter (me). I have contacted a lawyer, but he says there is not much hope as her brother is her only legal relative. Surely an established mother/daughter relationship of almost twenty years must mean something. My Mom does not have enough money in her pension to pay her rent or buy any of the necessities of life. We are providing this without complaint. Her brother has contributed nothing. The money from the sale of her home in Vancouver is in the hands of the public trustee until this is settled as she has not signed a power of attorney. Her brother says she cannot do this as she has dementia. I am having her assessed. So hopefully she can decide for herself what she wants to do.
In the meantime we are bearing a difficult financial burden. Our lawyer says that after we apply to the public trustee, we might be reimbursed. While I really hope so, I am not too optimistic; I love my mom and wish to have her remaining years spent with her family rather than be forced to live in a nursing home many hundreds of miles away with her only care provider a brother who is clearly uncaring. Sorry, just needed to vent. Please keep us in your prayers. – Marilyn A.