Sometimes, after a women places a baby for adoption, she might think she will never meet someone, fall in love, get married, and have more children. I was one of those women. I thought that, because I was not married and had an unplanned pregnancy, my chances at finding love were a distant memory. I thought no one would want me. I was broken and had baggage.
I was completely wrong, and so are you if you ever thought that. The reality is that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. But I learned from them and grew into a better person. My whole way of thinking changed when I met my husband and got to know him. He saw me for me, not my past or my mistakes. He thought I was brave for placing my daughter for adoption. No other man had ever told me that until then. I knew I loved him right then and there. To you single birth mothers hoping to find your prince charming: Do not give up. He is out there. Just have faith. He will come. My husband wrote the following about being married to a birth mother.
I met my wife when I was stationed at my first Air Force Base in Dover, DE. During one of my first few Sundays at the nearby LDS church, she gave a talk. She told her story and the blessings that had come from her trials. Growing up, I never had any negative thoughts about adoption. I was pretty unfamiliar with it. In my mind, I just kept thinking how great this woman was for overcoming all she had and owning her story so fearlessly. Being an adoption advocate was truly her calling.
Months later, I realized in my heart that I was in love with her and I had to tell her. The fact that she had a baby and placed her for adoption was not a factor for me. I knew her and I knew how I felt.
My wife has been through so much. None of the choices she has made have been easy; I can’t imagine having an unexpected pregnancy, having to tell my family, continue going to school, and deciding what would be the best thing to do for the baby. The love she had for the baby in her womb before placing her in the arms of another family for them to raise and give her everything my wife could not do at that time was totally unselfish. That complete selflessness is something I don’t think I could ever do.
While I was recently studying for a talk for church, I came across a story that is familiar to most, but it brought new meaning to me reading it this time. It is the story of the prophet Moses. Around 1400 BC the Pharaoh of Egypt realized that the Hebrews numbers were growing, and he was afraid they would grow too much and would rebel against him. The Pharaoh ordered all of the infant sons of the Hebrews to be thrown into the river.
A woman gave birth to a Hebrew son, and because of the Pharaoh’s orders, she was afraid for her son’s life. She hid him for three months. When she realized she couldn’t hide him anymore, she put him into God’s hands. “She took for him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime and with pitch, and put the child therein; and she laid it in the flags by the river’s brink.”
God protected him and he arrived into the care of the Pharaoh’s daughter. Pharaoh’s daughter named him Moses and became his mother. To me, this is a story about a birth mother. My wife had tremendous faith that she was doing the right thing for her baby, and because of her faith, the Lord blessed her just as he did with Moses’s birth mother. Jori’s blessings did not end when she placed her baby for adoption. She then found her own birth mother, which is a miracle in its self due to her adoption being closed. Five months after that, we were married in the Washington DC Temple. Her blessings cease there. Eleven months into our marriage, we were blessed with twin girls. We are continually being blessed for her righteous choices. My wife is a remarkable mother and has that hardest job in the world as a stay-at-home mother. I am so thankful that she was able to be a mother again and now have me as a helper.
There are many different reasons a person decides to be a birth mother; the why is not what is important. The important thing to remember is a birth mother’s love is so great she puts her feelings, wants, and selfishness on the back burner and only thinks of their baby’s best interest. This is probably the best gift anyone could give. It is completely selfless.
Many think it would be better for the child to remain with the mother. I know that adoption is not for everyone, but I truly believe if the mother has prayed and felt that this is the right decision, then that is what needs to happen. I have never had to experience anything so bittersweet. My heart is full of gratitude and love for all these brave women, especially the love of my life.
Listening to my wife talk about her experience and seeing her baby grow with her adopted family has been a blessing in itself. We love her and her family dearly. It testifies to me that her decision was correct. I have never doubted my wife’s decision. I know that the Spirit bore witness to her that adoption was the best option for her.
I believe that we make choices and then are given consequences for the choices we make–good or bad. Some consequences are life-changing consequences, but whatever they are, God helps us with these decisions and then blesses us. He knows what is best. My wife’s story is a testimony of this. Faith. Love. Sacrifice. Blessings.