On Facebook the other day, a friend posted an article discussing things people should avoid asking parents of “just” one child. I read it and really enjoyed the majority of what was said. It also sparked an internal dialogue, one that I’ve brushed under the rug time and time again because I just don’t know that I’m ready to embark on another adoption. Our ridiculously amazing little boy will turn two this April. It feels like just yesterday my phone went off with a text message and we were racing to pack the truck and head out. Time has surely gone faster than I expected, and now we’re faced with a new question: will there be a sibling for LT?
Like most people know, adoption is hard. It’s not something most jump into without a lot of talk and careful consideration. There’s a lot of unknown and for me, a big loss of control. Tyson and I knew before we were married that we were open to adoption. What we never really knew or set in stone was how many kids we wanted. We’d discussed it but with adoption it seems more complicated. I feel like with LT we were incredibly fortunate. There wasn’t any drama or any additional stress with his adoption. His birth family is amazing and I often find myself in awe of how blessed we are to be connected to them. So much in fact that going through another adoption kind of terrifies me and it opens up a whole can of “What If” with a side of “Guilt”.
I feel like with adoption and infertility there is so much more to consider when it comes to having another child (granted I don’t know what it’s like to be on the other side so bear with me). Domestic or international? Foster care? Agency? How will you pay for it? Along with a ton of other questions you never thought you’d have to answer in regards to what types of situations you’re willing to consider. In a way it also feels like we owe it to LT to pursue another adoption. We’ve always wanted to give him everything and make sure he gets all the experiences he could ever hope for. Doesn’t that include a sibling?
During the waiting period from when we were first approved to when we were signing papers on placement day we went through a lot. We had some failed adoptions, surgery for me, changes with part of Tyson’s career and some drama with where I had been working. To say it was the most stressful time doesn’t quite cut it. So when Tyson brought up a second adoption not too long ago I froze. I don’t know that I’m ready. While our sweet little boy has surely made all those hard times a faint memory, they’re still there and I can’t ignore them.
With all that having been said, I’ve come no closer to a conclusion on if I’m ready to pursue a second adoption. What I’d love to know from any adoptive parents is how you made that decision to adopt again. How did YOU get to your decision?