As I continue my search for my birthson (08/15/79 Decatur, GA) I realize just how little information I have, and how naive I was when I surrendered my parental rights. No one really explained the rules to me. I was so ashamed and scared that I never really asked until now. Who makes up these rules? Does anyone know if LDSSS has to follow the laws of the state in which the agency resides, the laws of the state in which the adoption took place, or their own contractual regulations?
I naively assumed the adoption would take place in the same state the agency was located - even if the birthparents were from out of state. Now I don't know. I also don't know if LDSSS allowed or allows adoptive parents to change the babies birthdate on the amended birth certificate. The more I learn, the more discourged I get - and the angrier I get. No wonder so many birthparents claim adoption is exploitive and wrong!
Any help anyone can give me would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Deb
Thank you so much for your responces, it really does help to know that other people are going through similar things.
When you say 'contact the local LSDSS' do you mean in the state that I am in now? When I contacted the office that processed the adoption they said they had nothing on file but what they sent me (which was the paper relinquishing my rights). Any suggestions you have would be helpful!
I am new to the site. I'm searching for my birthmother/birthfamily. I was adopted through LDS SS and this whole thread makes me very sad and sick. I worry that my birthmother or birthfamily will not search for me due to LDS SS being so uncooperative. I just wanted to applaud all of you who are continuing to search despite the difficulties, and I hope that eventually I will find my birthparents. I can't afford the $50 non-id info fee (and after reading this thread am worried that they'd lose my form or money and wouldn't even send me the info), I'm a single mother and I don't know why I felt prompted to begin searching again (I did a little bit of searching when I was younger), but I'm hopeful that maybe through this site I'll be able to get in contact with my birthmom or birthfamily. Know that there are many adoptees on the other side of the situation who are as frustrated as you birthparents are at the total inability to get any information from the LDS SS. Some of your stories are heartbreaking, and I hope that your birthchildren feel prompted to find this site and get in touch with you. Keep in mind that some of us have gotten discouraged by searching in the past, or can't afford the money it takes to search. I'm 29, and I'm just now starting to search again after being frustrated in the past. So hold on to your hopes, and I wish you all the best and admire your courage and conviction.
I'm not sure if anyone is still watching this thread but I finally found someone with LDS Social Services to help me. I requested all of the non identifying information again, this time from a different division and she sent me the file with the parents descriptions and the five house visits. It was so amazing to read descriptions of what my daughter was like. More importantly, it confirmed that my Mother did see the right girl all those years ago so I know her name now.
The only problem is it wasn't the original information. I remember specifics that aren't included in this and this looks like the home visit file, not the packet I originally signed.
Because I live in a different state from this division of LDS they emailed me the info and requested I speak to one of the social workers, as a formality, next week. I'm not sure what he'll want to say but I guess I need to follow up on the original info or is this all the church keeps on file?
I am excited and at the same time I feel like I'm still in the same place. I am so scared that she isn't looking because she doesn't want to find me so if I push too soon she will be scared. I really don't know what to do.
I am giving this thread a bump, but I am also very curious about ongoing searches. My heart aches for all of you that are searching and am so mad at LDSFS for keeping such important information secret!
How are things on your end Scorpia? I wish I could help. If you need anyone to talk to just let me know. Good luck with your searches everyone!!!!!!
Deb
Things are fantastic! My daughter and I found each other not long after my last post :)
It turns out she has been looking for me as well and when the IA division of LDS Social Services sent me the non-ID information it gave me everything I needed to find her. A group I belong to her literally found her within 24 hours and within 3 weeks I was visiting her and her family. She is coming back at the end of the month and we are spending her birthday together. Heck, we may even road trip it to Charleston cause she wants to try out for Idol, lol, and TN is closer :)
My heart is very full, she is so happy and beautiful and talented! Thanks to everyone here who listened to me vent and I wish everyone luck in your searches.
troubles everyone has had with the LDSSS - I too was adopted thru the LDSSS in 1979, but oh the flip side of all your post, I had no problems when I called and asked for the non-identifying information...any of the 3 seperate times I have called them over the years. Nor did they ever charge me $50 for said information. I even managed to speak with the gentleman who actually placed me back then, and he was more than helpful.
I'm beginning to think mine was a singular experiance as I know my brother who is also looking for his Birth Mom has had similar experiences to you all...they were not helpful to him and would not give him non-identifying informtion either.
I hope that all of you have since received your information.
Eeyoregirl, the Orlando office actually went so far beyond 'unhelpful' I wish I could press charges.
It turns out, all those years ago when I asked for a more open adoption (more pictures, updates etc..six months after I gave her up for adoption,) my case worker told me that the parents said no. The couple who adopted my daughter said they were never asked and in fact were told to lie about her birth date and where she was born.
When my daughter turned 17, her mother called the Orlando office and asked for any information about me and they said they had nothing. Which is a total lie, I've called them every year and any time that I've moved. I even sent them a medical file because I have endometriosis and their were other medical concerns. So we would have met two years ago.
When I went to meet her and her family probably the worst part was learning she was in a foster home for THREE months before she went home with the family I chose when I was six months pregnant. I was NEVER told that would happen and would never have agreed to it.
When I called the Orlando office and confronted the new director, Marta Tilley, and asked her how she could possibly in good consciousness have done this she got very rude with me and said she didn't see what my problem was. That in the end, I had found my daughter and what did I want from her. I said I wanted an answer, from the LDS church on how preying on someones faith made it okay to lie to them about an adoption, about their options. She hung up on me.
In the end, my daughter is very happily LDS and so is her family. I know they won't testify against their faith, no matter that they agree that it was horrible what happened. It's the way the church works. There are many of us on the board who know this. I don't know what choice we have, but I wish we had a voice to tell other young women that they DO have other options.
Well not much positivity in this thread eh? I'm not gonna lie LDSSS hasn't been the easiest to go through. I did how ever manage to get my Non-I information, but any further I've been told they can't do because my records were perm-sealed... and well if anything the Church goes out of it's way to follow the law, I can't blame them at all either... but it doesn't make it easier for any of us... I mean, I'm not going to stop being LDS because of a stupid lady in the SS... but it is sad, and I did have a nasty first experience with them when I first started my search for my birth mother... :/
We need better laws on this crap... seriously...
BTW any Bmothers out there who were 18 and worked with Brother Haynes, and had a baby girl may 31 1989... in florida... I might be your girl! =)
I'm doing what ever I can to find my birth families. Family means the world to me, and I want to meet and know my bFamily as well as I know my current.
To all the LDS Georgia birthparents - I would like to have your input. My husband gave up a girl born in 1992or 1993 - near Atlanta, Georgia - adopted through LDS. The birth mom chose the family as she was LDS. Both birth parents lived in Alabama ... but the baby was born in Atlanta because the adoptive parents lived close to there. The birth mom received pictures and forwarded them to my husband's family for awhile ... but they have been lost for years and we have no way to contact the birth mom now. He was told his daughter was named Jessica. My husband has blocked out a lot of information - and cannot remember her exact birth date or birth month. We were married in 2000, and Jessica now has a brother and sister.
Can my husband still request non-id on the adoptive parents without the exact birth date? Can he register for contact without the birth date? I guess we'd be dealing with the Atlanta office - and fortunately, we moved from Florida to Georgia in 2005.
Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!
If you still have that contact information for that searcher please email me darcipatten@hotmail.com. I tired all the channels of going through the closest office, was given my non ident information and then was told "the past is better to stay in the past". That broke my heart as the main reason I'm even looking is for my young child who has a lot of medical conditions including brain rumors and doctors advise getting some sort of medical history on myself. Which I was very forthcoming about in the office. My court house actually admitted that 15 years of adoption records were accidentlly destroyed and the 80's were in there. I wa just really disappointed in response or lack there of I got from lDSSS. Salt lake doesn't even taken calls anymore. I stay polite but am persistent. For a company that states it's all about kids.....I guess mine is the exception. I'm not askin them to break the law but to look in my records and see if contact has changed to yes or if not try to attempt to get a current medical history. I don't need the contact if that's what's stopping it but nobody has listened to me yet.
I feel like its the right time to try and find my birth parents. My name is Stephanie and I was born 12/04/91 in ogden, utah. I would really like to know where I come from.. I just need closure. I thought I would at least try.. Lds Adoption services has been very difficult to work with and I'm getting more and more impaient. If anyone can help me obtain my records or have any info on my birth family please let me know via email.
I am new to this whole search thing but I just requested my Non ID information yesterday from LDS Family Services here in Utah and they did NOT charge me the $50. I simply filled out the paperwork, the worker checked my ID and she said they would sent it to the office I was placed at (which is Salt Lake City). From there she said they have 30 days to get the information back to the office I filled the paper out at and then a manager from that office will call me in for a meeting to discuss what was in my file. It is Non ID so I don't have high hopes but I am hoping this is a start to get my search underway. I am determined to try and find my birth family on my own and save the $1500 + private investigating companies want. Any advice from knowledgeable people would help.
As I just recently celebrated my birthday, I found myself pondering so many of the posts I have seen on this site..... I wonder if my birthdate on my birth certificate (the only one I have, w/ my adoptive parents on it) is even correct. I am getting so very angry with LDS Social/Family Services and the LDS church in general lately. I left the church in my teens and while I have always respected my family members who are still members, the corruption and things that I have been seeing with regards to adoption is sickening to me. Yet it's not something I can even speak to my LDS adoptive parents about because they hate even talking about my adoption, and they absolutely shut down or blow up if anyone says anything against their religion. This is all so frustrating. Every year when my birthday comes around I wonder if She, that mysterious woman who gave me life, is thinking of me. I wonder if she has blocked me out, or if she still thinks of me. :(
I was adopted through LDS and this whole thread makes me very sad and sick. I feel like its the right time to try and find my birth parents. My name is David and I was born 01/06/83 in Martin Couty City Stuart, FL. I would really like to know where I come from.
Adopted…. LDS Family Services finally called me saying they have my non identifying information at one of their offices. But I can't come get it unless I make an appointment??? Next week? Why do they need to have an appointment? I am not LDS anymore and feel as if I'm going to be interviewed for information that is my right to have. It makes me feel as if maybe they are hiding something. I know they wont give me names but I guess I'm paranoid that they have letters or something that they won't give me if I don't make the right impression, or give them the right reasons or answers they want to hear. I want to find my biological family. I'm ready to know where I come from. I'm 35 yrs old and I am prepared for whatever outcome may come of this, I just don't want to be lied to, or mislead, withheld etc.
Has anyone had experience with getting their non-identifying information this way? What should I expect?