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(I do realize that "Dear Birthmother" letter is a misnomer, both because the mother is not a birthmother yet - she's an expectant mother, just like any other pregnant woman - and also because she's not the only parent. However, that's all I've heard them called.)
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I hope that this question is not too general as to be impossible to answer, but I just wanted to ask for any tips, hints, suggestions, wish-I-would-have-thought-of-that-then's, and so on, to help in preparing my profile and letter.
The last adoption I had started was private, where we were matched by a mutual colleague, so a profile wasn't necessary. This is the last step standing in the way of getting matched again, and I've been staring at my notebook for over a week now! I write a lot for my profession, and usually have no trouble writing. This just seems like the most important thing I've ever written, so I'm nervous about getting out how I really feel, without coming on too strong.
Plus, people keep saying that the pictures are the most important part, and I just plain don't have that many interesting pictures! I'm in the process of getting some taken - just casual pictures - but other people seem to have tons of pictures.
ANYway, any advice or hints or hindsight insight that you can give in terms of effective profile/letters (beyond being myself and trying to portray my life as accurately and completely as possible) would be wonderful! (Just a bit more info -- I'm CC, will be adopting an AA or biracial baby; and I'm single, but work from home all but two afternoons a week.)
Thanks so much...
We focused on our parenting style--the fact that I would nurse, co-sleeping, attachment parenting, we don't circumcise, etc. A lot of people felt that our non-traditional parenting style would hamper our being matched. We wanted someone that wanted US and we also wanted to make sure the birthfamily wasn't freaked out when they visited us over the years. We wanted them to be pleased by what we were offering the child rather than horrified.
I think it's because we focused on the specifics of how we would parent (rather than loving, desperate, pick a typical adjective) that we got matched so quickly.
Also, there's a thread on the birthparent section where the bmoms talk about what they wish they knew when matching. My recollection is in hindsight they wish they knew more about parenting style than how many cats or hobbies they have.
We called it the Dear Expectant Parent(s) letter.
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We didn't have many photos on hand either, other than a few wedding and vacation photos. But I went out and bought a digital camera that takes high quality photos (Nikon D60) and started clicking away. I took photos of daily life, things we do for fun/hobbies, social gatherings with family and friends, play time with nieces/nephews, pets, our home, etc.
Also, I didn't know anything about scrapbooking. So I went to a scrapbook store and asked the saleslady for help. She showed me basics of putting together pages and also advised me to keep it fun, bright, and upbeat. We did get a lot of compliments on our profile, and the couple who chose us also mentioned they thought our book stood out because it was so colorful.
The letter is important, but I think a lot of people are visual and focus on the photos even more. You can PM me if you want any more info or advice.
adobe1234
We didn't have many photos on hand either, other than a few wedding and vacation photos. But I went out and bought a digital camera that takes high quality photos (Nikon D60) and started clicking away. I took photos of daily life, things we do for fun/hobbies, social gatherings with family and friends, play time with nieces/nephews, pets, our home, etc.
Also, I didn't know anything about scrapbooking. So I went to a scrapbook store and asked the saleslady for help. She showed me basics of putting together pages and also advised me to keep it fun, bright, and upbeat. We did get a lot of compliments on our profile, and the couple who chose us also mentioned they thought our book stood out because it was so colorful.
The letter is important, but I think a lot of people are visual and focus on the photos even more. You can PM me if you want any more info or advice.
I'll certainly keep the colorful part in mind. I have a tendency to be too academic. Also, in every picture, I'm evaluating whether I look "motherly enough", if my weight looks okay, etc. I need to focus more on just letting the emoms see into my life, instead of trying to make sure that the look of my life meets what I think it should, in what seems to me to be an "application for motherhood". That's what occurs to me right now...
I think lots of photos is important too. See if your friends or family have any good ones of you doing something fun, in a group, etc.
As far as the letter, I think a combo of what your life is like (FAMILY-"I come from a large, close family", FRIENDS-"my best friend just had a baby", HOBBIES-"I love to garden and camp, JOB-"I'm a writer and I plan to work from home 2 days/week") and how you plan to parent (gentle discipline, home school, instill values, etc) as well as hopes and dreams about/for the child (can't wait to be a mom, looking forward to taking my kid around the world with me, want to continue favorite family traditions...) is a good idea.
It might help if you put down some headings like ABOUT ME, MY HOME/COMMUNITY, WHY I WANT TO BE A MOM, HOPES FOR THE FUTURE. And then just start writing. You can always edit later but just let your thoughts flow.
Good luck! It is hard because it's essentially a marketing piece about you. Freaky and not easy to write. We didn't say Dear Birth Mother or Expectant Mother, just said Hi, we are P & C, thanks for reading about us...
We did ours in Shutterfly which was easy and not too expensive and easy to reorder more if necessary. Looks scrapbook-ish because you can pick backgrounds and fonts. Our agency requested something like that so that the stacks of books they were carrying around were uniform in size (easy to carry) and didn't have stuff that could fall out like real pics and little scrapbook art. But each agency seems to have a different requirement. I didn't see where you had picked one but you might check before getting anything printed. Our 1st agency wanted 20-25 photos max a letter that was 2 pages max. Another agency wanted a specific number of pages and only bound with a ribbon or clip (weird to me).
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Magic_Hat
We did ours in Shutterfly which was easy and not too expensive and easy to reorder more if necessary. Looks scrapbook-ish because you can pick backgrounds and fonts. .
shutterfly is awesome. i loved it so much that i have been using it to make baby books for matt.