Just curious, if you have an active relationship with your natural family, how you do holidays? E.g., their birthdays, your birthdays, christmas, thanksgiving, mothers and fathers day, summer vacations, etc.
Right now, I like to celebrate my birthday with biological family over my adoptive family; I celebrate mother's day with both bmom and amom (on separate days) and same goes with father's day. The rest of the holidays I spend only with my adoptive family and I don't celebrate my biological family's birthdays, although I try to acknowledge them.
I have been informed by my bmother that she doesn't make a big fuss about holidays so in fact I feel like I have been told "Don't expect anything". It seems kind of bizarre so it's not an issue.
I suppose though that I would do things the way I chose to and let people come or not if it were at my house. The other way is to alternate going to other people's house.
I wouldn't have expected my adopted mother to set foot in my house if my birthparents were there. She was very anxious and in fact vehement about having contact with them.
I take it in turns to spend Xmas with my 2 families. I usually celebrate Morhers Day on different days with both mothers. My afamily don't really do birthdays anymore since my amum has gotten older & can't cope with entertaining all of us but also can't bring herself to let anyone else host it. My nfamily have 3 big birthday celebrations a year combining all the birthdays around those times.
My husband & i have each been in reunion with our birth families for just about 20 yrs. Both his sides are in Canada and his adoptive family in NY. My birthmom & family are in AZ and I was in NY. When we lived in NY- we had a hard enough time splitting time between our two adoptive families- my amom used to keep track of the time we spent with his family vs mine on the holidays.
His adoptive family was open and warm to his (& his adopted sister's) search and relationships with the birthfamilies. They would have been welcome at any holiday with them.
My adoptive mom would not have welcomed mine at all-but she was also resistant and angry at my search and relationship.
Therein lies the difference. If your adoptive parents are open and welcoming to the birthfamilies- then this simply adds more to the joy and travel at holidays. You have to spread your time around the way you would with spouse's family and those 'obligations'. Family is often a balancing act- you have to do what feels right to you and your nuclear family- sometimes relatives will be unhappy.
Family gets family holidays. They raised us.
Those who gave birth can be celebrated a few days before or after the family holidays.