What is Transracial Adoption? A Guide for Adoptive Parents

Transracial adoption involves adopting a child of another race. While intentions and love can provide a strong foundation, parenting a transracial adoptee requires additional action to protect that child from racism. 

Deconstructing the “Colorblind” Myth

In past years, some people argued the best way to handle racial differences and discrimination was to pretend that they didn’t exist. Especially in light of events over the past decade, we’ve learned that we cannot and should not ignore how race affects different people’s lived experiences. 

Children as young as three years old are able to recognize differences in race. In adopting a child of another race, it’s important to help them celebrate every aspect of themselves. The “colorblind” myth erases a core part of children’s identities, absolves adoptive parents of the responsibility to educate themselves, and may invalidate children’s lived experiences with racism. 

Acknowledge Loss and Identity

All adoption is rooted in loss. While adopted children gain a loving adoptive family, they lose being raised by their birth families.

For transracial adoptees, this loss also includes a child’s birth culture, role models, and possibly their language. As such, their identity is multifaceted, incorporating love for their birth families and a connection to their culture at birth. 

As an adoptive parent, it’s important to always keep this loss in perspective. 

What is Anti-Racist Parenting?

Anti-racist parenting is an active, engaged practice. It involves intentional, daily actions that identify and stand in opposition to racism. The process involves educating yourself, speaking out against and challenging bias in your communities, and advocating for your child. 

Anti-racism is not an optional, “nice to have” aspect of parenting a transracial adoptee – it is the foundation. 

Start with Yourself

Anti-racist work begins with the parent. Especially if you are a white parent raising a Black child, it’s important to look inward and examine your own privilege, implicit biases, and the ways that racist structure have likely benefited you. 

Here is an anti-racist reading list from Harvard University built specifically for parents. 

Proactively Talk About Race

Conversations around race are not a one-time talk. It’s important to normalize conversations about this topic starting as soon as your children can identify race. 

Here are several ways that Pepperdine University’s Graduate School of Education and Psychology says that adoptive parents can empower their children in the face of racial trauma:

• Make space for your child to talk when someone discriminates against them. 
• Emphasize your unconditional love so your child feels safe and like you are on their team. 
• Be honest about your feelings while reassuring your child it’s not their job to take care of you.
• Validate their feelings while acknowledging that your lived experiences are different. 
• Empower your children to speak up by taking them to a protest or encouraging them to write a letter. 

Building a Culturally-Affirming Home

Here are some actionable, concrete steps you can take to support your transracial adoptee. 

Find "Racial Mirrors"

"Racial mirrors" are people in your child's life who share their race and culture. In addition to serving as a "mirror" in which your child can see themselves, they are ideally mentors and role models who can help them understand their broader culture. 

Racial mirrors can be present throughout your child's life, often in the form of teachers, friends, and mentors. Racial mirrors are essential in your child's life, and finding them often requires action on your part to integrate your family into diverse communities. 

Go Beyond Diverse Books

While the list of books and media we cited from Harvard can help, you ideally need to transcend reading and literature. What you need most is lived experience. Seek out centers and communities in your area within your child's birth culture. Celebrate that culture's traditions in your home and learn to cook the food that's central to that culture. 

Learn Practical Skills

Learning to properly meet your child's unique needs is a key aspect of interracial adoption. By learning to care for your child's hair and skin needs, you affirm and validate their identity and demonstrate respect and effort on your part. 

Be Your Child's Advocate

In parenting a transracial adoptee, no one can have your child's back like you can. You'll need to be your child's front line of defense against racism: from strangers, from family members and friends, and from systems and institutions. 

Preparing for Intrusive Questions and Microaggressions

As an adoptive parent, you will face both intrusive questions and microaggressions. While intrusive questions are easy to spot, microaggressions are often more subtle. Microaggressions are expressions of prejudice that are often indirect or seem everyday. The key to responding to these incidents is preparation. 

An intrusive question can sound like, "Is that your real child?" In these cases, you can try to prepare your response in advance. Empower your child to set boundaries when these questions arise, especially because you may not always be present to help them. Validate your child’s feelings while acknowledging your different lived experience. 

For microaggressions – "You're so articulate," and the like – do your best to stay calm in the moment. What you say will likely impact your child more than the person you say it to. In addition to creating a culturally-affirming home, you can encourage your child to set boundaries, have an open dialogue, and validate the emotions they may feel in response. 

Advocating at School and in Public

Advocating for your child at school and in the public forum can show your child that you really care for them and have their back. You may need to challenge biased curricula in your child's school, question disciplinary actions, advocate for fair legislation, and stand up for your child in ways that other parents may never have to. 

The Lifelong Journey: Listen to Adult Adoptees

Remember, the work is never finished. The most important thing that you can do as a parent is to listen to the voices of adult transracial adoptees. They are the experts, and they can show you how to support your children, who will continue to show you the way as they grow up.