Adoption Anniversaries: Meaningful Ways to Celebrate Your Family’s Journey
Adoptee Voices
I remember feeling excitement every year when my birth month would roll around, like most kids. My birthday (not in March) fell in the middle of the year, nowhere near any major holidays, so it provided a reason to break away from the everyday and celebrate. My family and friends would shower me with love and kind words, and the prospect of receiving presents definitely added to the anticipation. Like most children, I loved my birthday. However, unlike most children, because of my adoption, I got to celebrate not once, but twice a year.
The same excitement I would get for my birthday also fell upon me on March 1st, the month of my “Gotcha Day,” or the anniversary of my adoption. (Note: I remember growing up, my mom would never call it a “Gotcha Day,” but as I aged, my mom did not mind the term as much. I use it throughout this article, but if you do not like this term, that is valid.) Despite not being allowed to use the phrase, we still celebrated. I did not get a party or presents like I would for my birthday, but my parents would always intentionally do something to commemorate the day they became parents and the day I became their child. I never told them, but these celebrations meant a lot to me growing up. Not only did it give me a reason to celebrate, but these annual celebrations really made me feel loved and appreciated, especially when I was younger and more insecure about being adopted.
If you are looking for ideas on how to celebrate the anniversary of your child’s adoption, I am going to share some of the things my parents did throughout the years that really stuck with me. As a grown-up, I look back on my childhood fondly, and I hope you can find unique ways to celebrate your child and your family that resonate with your family as well.
Reunions
Some of my most unique, prominent memories growing up are from reunions that I attended throughout my grade school days. This does not apply to all adoptees, but I was adopted in a “group,” meaning multiple families traveled at the same time as my parents to adopt their children together. My parents departed from California with about twenty-five or thirty other expectant couples; together, they traveled to China to meet their adopted children.
Growing up, my parents and the families they traveled with found it important to keep us connected. These parents would plan annual reunions, weekend-long trips where all the families who traveled together would reunite and reconnect all of us children that were adopted together. Considering the families were divided between Southern California and Northern California/Southern Oregon, the organizers usually opted for the reunions to take place in Central California, and we would often meet up in Pismo Beach or San Luis Obispo. I looked forward to these every year growing up as I would get to see my friends from the San Francisco Bay area who I almost never saw. The parents would also plan a fun group activity for us every year, like horseback riding or dinner and a show. I took these for granted as a child, and I obviously did not appreciate how much planning and communication went into organizing these events. This annual trip sticks out in my memory as an example of a group of parents going above and beyond to celebrate their children while also ensuring their adopted children stay connected.
Even if this does not apply to your family, or this is not feasible, or even if this sounds like too much of a hassle, you are not alone. We grew up and got busier, and eventually, these reunions fizzled out because we could not all find time to meet up. I miss the girls, but I am still friendly with many of them and connected via social media to others. Even when we did not go to our reunions, my parents would organize a special meetup event for the families that lived in my area to commemorate our adoption anniversaries. I had the fortune of growing up within an hour drive of the two girls adopted from my same orphanage in China, and every year, we would meet up and do something to reconnect.
Whether in the form of a full-blown thirty-family reunion or just a casual meetup between two or three families, celebrating a reunion every year kept me connected to the people who were with me from the beginning. We all got together to celebrate our shared histories and our families. These reunions gave me something to look forward to every year and provided me with a lifetime of memories.
Family Dinner
As I turned into a tween and everyone got busier, my parents still made an effort to celebrate my adoption anniversary. Similar to a birthday celebration, my parents would take the evening of my Gotcha Day off and we would go out to eat, usually at a Chinese restaurant. Think of an intimate birthday celebration: My family members spending time together and commemorating the day we became a family. It was practically like a second birthday celebration. Similar to the reunions, but way less effort, these annual dinners still made me feel loved and appreciated, as my parents would go out of their way to celebrate this anniversary.
While I cannot recall where we went for every Gotcha Day dinner, I can confidently say that my parents did make the effort to clear their schedules and celebrate my adoption, which in and of itself shaped my childhood. They did the same every year for my sister’s adoption anniversary in September. As the celebrations died down, the intentions were still there, and my parents made the effort to recognize my adoption anniversary. That alone sticks out positively in my childhood.
Words of Affirmation
As I got older and moved away to attend university, family dinners became less feasible. Like for my birthday, I certainly did not expect my parents to travel to me for a celebration. Even in college, I would still find a way to celebrate both my birthday and my adoption anniversary: I would go out for a nice dinner or treat myself to a pedicure. I was not the only person who would find a personal way to celebrate, however. For example, on my birthday and on my Gotcha Day, I would receive a text and/or phone call from both my parents every year. My parents would wish me a happy adoption day, affirm how grateful they were for our family, and sometimes they would even dig out old photos from their trip to China and send them to me.
Although this does not seem like a lot, these texts and calls meant a lot to me. They reminded me that my parents remembered and commemorated the day, just as I did. My parents made it a point to reach out to me and articulate that they were proud of me, that they loved me, and that they appreciated our family. A call, a text, and a handwritten card go a long way.
“Katie Flowers”
Allegedly, right before I was adopted, my dad planted these bright orange flowers that bloomed every year around the beginning of Spring. My parents have plenty of photos of me throughout the years awkwardly posed in front of these flowers. I did not appreciate them much when I was little; after all, they were just flowers in our front yard. However, I always noticed that my parents, especially my dad, had a strong affinity for these flowers. He would take extra good care of them and take me out to the front garden every year around the end of March when they bloomed to show me how beautiful they looked. He called them “Katie flowers.” I thought that they were given this name because they were beautiful just like me, or some cheesy explanation akin to that. However, as I got older, my dad explained to me that they were called “Katie flowers” because they were scheduled to bloom annually right around the anniversary of my adoption. Once I was old enough to understand that, I had a whole new attachment to the Katie flowers, as a tangible expression of my parents excitement and love for our family.
The “Katie flowers” represent something unique my parents did to commemorate me that really touched my heart. They did not require much time or money, but the intentions behind them were a really big deal to me growing up. Unfortunately, my parents had the front yard upgraded after I left for college, so the “Katie flowers” are no longer there. But, I have all the photos of me staged in front of them throughout the years, and the memories and sentiments attached to this simple gesture really stuck out to me growing up.
When it comes to honoring an adoption anniversary, it is the thought that counts. I encourage you to make your own traditions or borrow from my family’s; these annual celebrations remain with me even today. Like a birthday, my Gotcha Day commemorations, whether via reunion or text, always made me feel loved and appreciated as an adoptee and a member of my family.
