26 Questions I Wish I’d Asked My Child’s Adoptive Parents Before Placing

Placing your child for adoption is one of the hardest things you will ever do as a mother. When you start the decision process, you will need to decide what adoption looks like to you. What is your “ideal” adoption plan? Below is an example of the type of questions you may want to ask the prospective adoptive parents. Having your questions answered prior to placement will help comfort you during the bouts of indecisiveness that you will most likely experience when deciding who you want as your child’s adoptive parents.

1. What type of adoption do you want? (Closed, open, or semi-open?)
2. Do you plan on telling him/her that they are adopted? If so, at what age?
3. If the adoption is closed, will you help them find me when they are old enough?
4. What kind of relationship do you see us having down the road?
5. How will we stay in touch if one or both of us move?
6. What type of relationship, if any, will my future children have with me?
7. Would I be able to talk to the birth mom of your other adopted children to see how her experience was?  (if they already have adopted children)
8. What do your biological children think about you adopting?  (if they already have biological children)
9. Are you planning to adopt other children?
10. Is there a history of substance abuse in your family?
11. Will one of you be a stay-at-home parent for any amount of time?
12. Describe your relationship with your respective extended families.
13. What are your religious beliefs?
14. Am I able to send presents for birthdays and holidays?
15. Do you want to be in the delivery room when I give birth? (Remember, though, that YOU are in charge of the birth experience. Only invite them if you want them there.)
16. How will the nursery be decorated?
17. Do you have pets?
18. What would you do if the child is allergic to the pets?
19. What type of family traditions do you have that you will pass along to him/her?
20. What kind of vacations do you take?
21. Are there any guns in your house? If so, how will you ensure the safety of the child?
22. Do you have any questions for me?
23. Have you considered any baby names?  Are there any specific meanings behind those names?
24. What type of geographical area do you live in?  Country, suburbs, or city?
25. Would he/she go to a private or public school?
26. What type of educational background do you have?

There are no dumb questions. You need to feel comfortable with the parents you choose. The adoptive parents are just as worried as you are. They are worried that their responses will turn you off to picking them.  If you are able to, leave the lines of communication open throughout your pregnancy. It gives you, and them, the opportunity to ask one another questions that you both may have forgotten to ask. It also helps form a stronger bond.

Pregnant and considering adoption? You don’t need to do it alone. Click here to connect with a caring, compassionate adoption professional who can help you figure out what’s best for you and your baby. All consultations and counseling are absolutely free.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.