3 Reasons I Chose Adoption When I Experienced An Unplanned Pregnancy

My adoption journey taught me this truth: Mother’s intuition is a real thing.

Annaleece Merrill August 09, 2016
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“Wait, so, why did you give your baby up?” is never something I like to hear. Aside from the cringe-worthy term “give up,” it is so hard for me to explain to people something so intensely personal as why I am a birth mother. But it’s a fair question: I come from a family that supports me emotionally and financially, and I clearly love the child I bore. So why would I choose to place my baby for adoption?

1. I was not prepared to raise a child. 

I love my baby. I wanted my baby. But that doesn’t mean I was ready for my baby. I was young, yes, but that’s not what made me unprepared. I was unprepared because I was not the person that I would want my daughter to grow up to be. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know how to care for myself, let alone another person. No one is ever “ready” to be a parent. But I knew deep down that my daughter needed parents who could be an example of who she should be.

2. I wanted her to have two parents. 

I hesitated to write down this reason, knowing that this is a very sensitive topic for so many. I know a TON of single parents who do a wonderful job with their kids. I am not saying they are in any way wrong for parenting. I am only saying that when I was growing up, I saw my parents have a healthy marriage, and their relationship set the stage for how I would view my own relationships in the future. I wanted her to have the same example I had.

3. It was meant to be. 

I catch a lot of flack for this one. Sometimes people think that by saying this, I fell prey to rhetoric used by unethical agencies or that I was ‘brainwashed’ by my church. This is far from true. I have a solid head on my shoulders. I don’t believe that the answer for everyone is “if you love your baby, you will place them.” I do, however, believe that in my case, placing was 100% meant to be. In the months leading up to my decision, I felt panicked and stressed all the time, trying to convince myself that I was meant to parent this child. But then I met her parents, the ones I believe she is meant to have. Call it God, fate, destiny, whatever—but that stress went away the moment I chose them. I felt peace that making them a family was the right thing to do. I still feel that way. Despite the heartache, loneliness, and what-ifs, I wouldn’t change a thing. My birth daughter thrives with her parents, and they are everything I want for her.

I have my reasons for placing. Other people have theirs. Some choose to parent for their own reasons too. And I respect all of them. When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, my biggest piece of advice is simple, and cheesy, and so true. Mother’s intuition is a real thing. When you know what is right, you’ll just . . . know.

If you’re pregnant and not sure what to do, you may have a lot of questions and concerns. What choices do I have? Who can help me? How do I plan for my child’s future? Click here to connect with an experienced, compassionate adoption provider who can help you answer these questions for yourself. 

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Annaleece Merrill

Annaleece Merrill is a birth mother to the cutest little girl on earth. She loves being an advocate for open adoption by writing, mentoring, and speaking at adoption panels. She attends Utah State University in Logan, Utah.

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