Waiting isn’t fun. If you decide to adopt, there will be some length of time that you will have to wait. Once you are approved by an agency, you will have to wait for the completion of a home study and for background checks to come back. However, the most indefinite time of waiting is when all of the paperwork is done and you are waiting to be picked. Once a match has been made, you will have to wait for the baby to be born…and maybe even have to wait to actually bring the baby home. Then you still have to wait for finalization. The adoption process is grueling and filled with lots of “hurry up and waits.” Waiting for something that you want so badly is stressful and tiring.
My husband and I had been married for ten years when we were diagnosed with infertility. Post diagnosis, we dove headlong into the world of adoption. Eighteen long months into “the process,” we met our first son. Once his adoption was finalized, we jumped right back into the adoption process. It took over twenty months for our next son to find us. Those months seemed endless. We knew we were supposed to adopt, but the elapsing time made spirits sag. Through it all, we never wavered in our decision, even though we were tired and our hearts ached with longing for our baby.
Maybe you are in the exact spot we were in. Maybe you have waited longer. Maybe your story is harder. I empathize. Truly, I do. Here are three reasons why you should not give up on waiting for your baby:
1) God gave you the desire to adopt a baby. Adoption is not typically something that people just randomly try for the fun of it. It is a path that one must deliberately choose. It is a conscious choice to give a baby a loving family and a forever home. Somewhere there is a baby that has been specifically chosen by God from before time began, and that baby is meant to be your child in your family.
King Solomon of the Bible wrote in Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (ESV). When God finally brought us our baby, the joy that flooded our lives was like cool water on a drooping, parched tree. Much like a woman who gives birth soon forgets the pain at the sight of her new baby, those long months seemed to be nothing as we held our baby boys for the first time. Both boys are our dreams come true.
2) A second reason not to give up is that something wonderful and amazing is happening. You may not know this, but there is a bonding going on inside you, a deep love for a baby you have never even met. There is this “knowing” that your baby is out there, and you can barely breathe because of the weight of the intense love and longing for that baby. I felt this most intensely prior to the birth of our second son.
We were on vacation when we received an email about a little baby soon to be born. We gave permission for the agency to show our profile to the expectant mother, knowing God was in control and that He already knew if this was our baby. Baby Boy arrived 5 weeks early and was placed in a NICU in a town not far from our home. From the moment I learned of him, I was unusually attached to him. All I wanted to do was to rush to his location and hold him. He was all I could think about, and I prayed for him and his birth mother constantly. I was deeply in love with a baby whom I had never met. My heart seemed to “know” that he was my son. Each day I woke up wondering if that day would be the day that our phone would ring with wonderful news. Those thoughts propelled me during the wait. If I had given up on waiting, I would not have the privilege to be mommy to an adorable, blue-eyed little boy.
3) Another reason not to give up waiting for your baby is that you will have an amazing story. Every adoption story is different. Imagine telling your child her unique story of how she came to your family. That you dreamed of him and loved him so much even before you knew him. That out of all the babies in the entire world, God chose her to be your little baby. I often tell my boys that I waited my whole life to be their mommy. These children of my heart were created to complete our family, just as I was created to be their mother. If I had given up waiting during the seemingly endless months and years it took to bring our boys home, I would have missed out on two of my greatest joys in life.
The world of adoption is full waiting, and a plethora of emotions accompanies that waiting. It is a roller coaster ride for each family. Each adoption story is unique, miraculous, and beautifully hard in its own way. But the wait produces similar emotions in all cases. No one, adopting or not, likes to wait for something good to come. If you are in a position of waiting for your baby to come to you, please don’t give up. I can promise you that the benefit, blessing, and joy at the completion of the wait outweigh the agony of the wait if you don’t give up.