When we think about adoption, we typically envision a new baby. Not often do we think about the older adoptee, and hardly ever do we consider an adoptee all grown up. The impact that adoption has on an adoptee’s life is massive. Sometimes, as an adoptee, it’s hard to even explain what it feels like to be adopted. It is a complex, beautiful, and a difficult thing to experience. It impacts the very nature of our personalities and affects how we behave and interact in society. I’ve written many articles for Adoption.com now. Some are about what it’s like to be adopted, some are about things I don’t like about being adopted, but today I’m going to tell you about three things I love about being adopted.
3. Relating to other adoptees
One of the first things that comes to mind when I think about the positivity of being adopted, is the fact that I can relate to other adoptees. When I was a young teen, I regularly attended the youth group at my church. Our youth group happened to have several other children who were adopted. Even though at that point in my life I didn’t fully understand or comprehend what it meant to be adopted, I still gravitated toward other adoptees. We were able to share mutual feelings and emotions that we had. And even though we didn’t always know it, a lot of those feelings were directly correlated with our adoptions.
Shortly before I entered into an adoption reunion with my biological mother, I discovered adoption podcasts. I was able to hear the perspective of all members of the adoption triad – birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees. Of course, as an adoptee, the adoptee perspective was all too relatable for me. Listening to the stories, thoughts, and emotions of adult adoptees was incredibly helpful. I have had the honor of interviewing Damon Davis, of Who Am I Really?, Sarah and Louise, of Adoption: The Making of Me, and April Fallon, of ADOPTION NOW—all podcasts that feature adoptee, birth parent, and adoptive parent’s points of view. I also had the privilege of telling my own adoption story on Who am I really? And Adoption: The Making of Me. Telling my stories to a group of people who truly understand what it is like to be adopted was very healing in my own adoption journey.
2. I love my life
I can truly say I love my life. And my life wouldn’t be what it is if it weren’t for adoption. I don’t like to say my life is better, but it certainly is different. I will never actually know what my life would have been if I hadn’t been adopted. I am now reunited with my birth mother and her extended family. I can confidently say that I believe I would have had a wonderful life growing up with them too. They are kind, loving, Christian people. My biological mother had two boys after me that she chose to parent. She is the best mother for my half brothers, and I know she would have been a fantastic raising mom for me too.
My life in my adoptive family has been wonderful so far. I grew up around 13 first cousins, all around my age. We spent our summers playing outside, eating PB&J, camping by Lake Michigan, having church picnics, and catching tree frogs. When I was 15, my parents adopted four children from the foster care system which spurred the transition from being an only child to the oldest of five. I ended up marrying my high school sweetheart when I was 19 years old. We designed and built our dream home, and moved in three weeks before our oldest son was born. We have three beautiful children now, and a wonderful and full life. I wouldn’t have any of these things if it weren’t for adoption. So because of adoption and the very difficult choice my birth mom made, I love my life!
1. Double the love
I decided to pursue an adoption reunion with my birth mom’s family in 2021. So far, it has been a wonderful experience. Shortly after I met my birth mom, I was able to reunite with her parents, my biological grandparents. They had played a huge role in my adoption 27 years ago. I am their oldest grandchild, and I was their only granddaughter for many years. The reunification with them was particularly special for me and for them.
When I met them, one of the first things my grandmother said to me was that she had spent my entire life praying for me. I told her, “I know! My life is the evidence!” Not only did my biological grandmother pray for me, but my adoptive family prayed with me and over me all of my life. I had double the prayers and double the love. Not every child gets to have two completely separate families praying for and loving them as they grow up.
Because of adoption, and because of my reunion, my children have many sets of loving and adoring grandparents. My family is covered in double the prayer, and we have twice the amount of people loving on us. This doesn’t come without complications, though. We also have twice the amount of parties and holidays to attend, but I can hardly consider that a burden. Adoption gave me two families.
Adoption cannot exist without many complexities and many tough emotions. Being adopted is hard, and I’ve covered these adoptee thoughts and opinions in many articles here on Adoption.com. Today, however, I wanted to talk about the good parts. Adoption isn’t going anywhere, and if we don’t choose to focus on the good, it will make it a harder experience for all members of the triad. Adoption can be done right and in a healthy manner, but in order to do this we need to celebrate our adoptees. Celebrate the things that make them stand out and set them apart because they are adopted.
Adoption is always born of loss. We have to acknowledge this very difficult fundamental fact in order to move on and focus on the joy. But, if we listen to adoptee voices, put in the time and energy to research all things adoption, and model our adoptions after those who have gone before us in a healthy manner, we can achieve healthy adoption situations. Adoption, overall, has blessed me more than it has harmed me. I’m incredibly thankful for the life I have, which has been equally impacted by my adoptive family and my birth family.
