Adoption is a beautiful and wonderful journey. It is full of joy, love, moments shared together, and blessings never-ending. But, let’s face it, for a birth mom it is also full of heartache, tears, “what if”s, and fear. While I never have regret over my decision to place my daughter for adoption, I have days that I barely make it through. Placing a child for adoption goes against every natural instinct as a mother and therefore comes with a lot of pain. It is all-too-easy to get sucked into the hurt and not be able to move forward.
So how do I push through those hard days to find the blessing in my adoption?
1. I remind myself of the reasons I placed.
This seems easy in concept, but sometimes it can be difficult to remember where I was at when I made the decision to place my child for adoption. They say hindsight is 20/20, but I would have to disagree. At least for me, it can become very easy to forget or to downplay where I was at in my life. I get sucked up into the “what if”s and the “well, my situation wasn’t really THAT bad”s. On the days I wake up sad, I have to remind myself why I placed my daughter for adoption. I remind myself of the life I wanted for her. By the time I go through all the reasons in my mind, I usually find myself feeling grateful for my adoption, which leads me into my second point.
2. I look at the life she has now and my dreams I had for her.
This really goes hand-in-hand with my first point. I had a very specific dream for my daughter, as all moms do. Every mom wants the very best for her child, and every birth mom chose the very best for her child. When I was looking through profiles, I envisioned the life I wanted for her, and I chose the couple that best fit that vision. When I remember my reasons for placing and look at her life now, I have not one complaint. She has everything that I dreamt for her, plus more! So, when I’m having a hard day I make a mental list of dreams that came to fruition through her adoption into her forever family.
3. I reach out to my support system.
Having a support system is vital, no matter what side of the triad you occupy in adoption. My biggest supporter is my mom. I know that I can always reach out to her and spill my heart out. Having someone who will offer words of encouragement is the greatest blessing! When I’m having a hard day I need someone there who will also remind me why I chose adoption. I never regret my choice, but it can be tough make it through the day when all you want is to be a mother. I am thankful for my mom and the many days she has been able to comfort me in my times of need. I also have a few birth mom friends I can reach out to. It’s so very important to have someone to talk to that can relate to everything that I’m feeling. I would encourage everyone to find at least one person who will encourage them on the hard days.
4. I let it all out.
The biggest mistake I made during the beginning on my journey of adoption was not allowing myself to feel all of my feelings. I tried to stuff them away and just pretend that they weren’t there. I have since learned that allowing myself to feel them and express them is essential to being able to move forward. So, if I want to cry, I cry! If I want to laugh, I allow myself to feel happy. It’s simple, but it can make all the difference on those hard-to-get-through days.
5. I keep myself busy.
“Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop” is a saying that couldn’t be truer when it comes to hard days in adoption. I have found that I have to keep myself busy and occupied so I don’t dwell on negativity. So instead of staying home I try to go to the park, go get a cup of coffee, or just take a long walk. It helps to get outside with the sunlight and fresh air to help renew my mind. I focus on the beauty outside and all the blessings that I have in my life through adoption.
These are a few of the best ways that I push through hard days in my adoption. There will always be ups and down in the journey, but it is so worth all the blessings! Ultimately I am so thankful for everything I have been through to lead me to where I am today! What are some ways that you push through your hard days in adoption? We can all benefit from learning from one another!