5 Ways to Build Strong Relationships Between Matching and Placement

Advice from a birth mother.

Alysia Foote May 19, 2016
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When you begin to explore adoption as an option for your baby, matching is the first hurdle to get through. You’ve found your couple. Now what?

Once you have matched with a couple with an adoption plan in your heart, it’s time to build the new relationship and take it to a new level of trust, mutual admiration, and communication.

  • Be real and be yourself. I cannot stress how important this really is. The couple you have matched with is looking to build a lifelong relationship with you. There is no reason to not be who you really are. They are going to love you, no matter how many faults you may or may not have.
  • They are just as nervous as you. They are worried that they will not be good enough or real enough as well. They need to open their hearts even though they know that there is no guarantee that the match is forever. Be open to understanding that they are also terribly nervous about this new relationship.
  • Talk about hard things! You are potentially making the biggest life choice you have ever or will ever make. Being open to talk about hard things and is imperative. It can build a solid foundation you can stand on in rough times. Discuss breastfeeding, naming your child, birth plans, and the definition of “open adoption” with each other. All of the subjects that seem to be touchy now will be ten times harder after placement has occurred.
  • Again. What does “open adoption” mean to you? What does it mean to your matched couple? Your definition of what an open adoption looks like could be completely different than your couple’s. Talk about it. Work through agreements and disagreements that will change the way you see each other. This is a lifelong relationship that involves a tiny human that needs love, guidance, and comfort from both sets of parents.
  • Do not force the relationship. Let it flourish on its own. Learn to love each other through hard times. Learn that you are a team and you will get each other through some of the most difficult times of your life.

Remember that everyone in this relationship is here to love a child. Everyone wants to love the child and give them everything that they want and need. If the parental relationship is solid and built on communication, trust, honesty, and compassion, the possibilities of unconditional love are endless.

Be kind to each other. Love each other and be patient with each other. You’ve got this!

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Alysia Foote

Alysia is married to her high school sweetheart and they parent four children together. She enjoys taking road trips and loves cooking anything that is fresh and beautiful. She is a birth mother with an open adoption.Her adoption journey is hard, but the lessons learned and people met through placement are irreplaceable, and she loves adoption, which creates a family for everyone involved.

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