A Birth Father’s Message to Adoptees

This is something this birth father wants all adoptees to know.

Denalee Chapman September 13, 2016
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Birth fathers are often a forgotten piece of the adoption triad (adoptee, adoptive parents, birth parents). Although they are sometimes absent by choice, there are some birth fathers who would like very much to be an active part of the triad.

It’s not just the occasional birth father who is blindsided by the news that he will soon become a dad. And regardless of his initial response upon hearing the news—even if his response is arrogant, angry or indifferent—chances are he’s scared. And worried. And intimidated by the thought of being a father, whether present or absent.

Jason learned he would become a father at age 30. At the time, he was no better off emotionally than a child is. Focused on himself, Jason was buried in chemical addiction. He reacted to the news of becoming a father in a childish way. Mostly, he pretended it wasn’t happening.

But when reality set in and the birth mother of his child chose adoption, Jason began his transformation. He began to accept truth and started to think about someone other than himself. Jason’s heart softened and he was able to put aside selfishness and fill his mind with thoughts of a son. He began to hope. That hope that began with dreams of a wonderful life for his son began to spread, and soon Jason found hope for himself. The hope grew until it became desire resulting in action. Jason would make choices that would lead him to heal from addiction and to become a man his son could be proud of.

Jason agreed to place his son with adoptive parents. This experience has been wonderful and has helped him learn the depth and expanse of parental love. His message to adoptees everywhere: You may not understand why your birth father does what he does; you may not understand how he thinks. But know this: “You are loved. The decision to place is founded in love and hope for your well-being and a successful future for you.”

Learn more about Jason’s birth father experience and his passion to help others on his website here.

For help to find birth parents, visit the new adoption search and reunion website for adoption training.

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Denalee Chapman

Denalee is an adoptive mother, a motivational speaker, a writer, and a lover of life. She and her husband have adventured through the hills and valleys of life to find that the highest highs and the lowest lows are equally fulfilling. Book Denalee to speak to your group, or find Denalee's writings, including her books on her website at DenaleeChapman.com.


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