A Birth Father’s Message To Birth Moms

Jason isn’t proud of the way he reacted to the news that he would be a father. Many years later, here's what he wants birth moms to know.

Denalee Chapman September 15, 2016
article image

Jason isn’t proud of the way he reacted to the news that he would be a father. But then, neither are many men who father children unexpectedly. And as we’re all individuals, we each react to our feelings in individual ways. That doesn’t make one way right or one way wrong, although, clearly, there are obvious wrong words to say, wrong tone of voice, and wrong actions. While this article doesn’t condone abuse in any way, it serves as a blanket explanation, describing some of the feelings a birth father can have and is sometimes unable or unwilling to express.

In Jason’s situation, when he was told that there would be a baby and he was the father, he took flight. At least in his mind. He did his best to ignore the situation and to avoid any mention of it. He skirted phone calls and distracted his mind so he wouldn’t have to think of it. Eventually, though, reality took hold and Jason reluctantly accepted the fact.

Jason not only accepted, but embraced the birth mother’s decision to place their child for adoption. In the end, everything turned out to be a beautiful experience. And in fact, it was life-changing for Jason.

What Jason wants birth mothers to know is this: Out of respect for your sacred role of motherhood, and the relationship you have with your baby, we honor you. We may not always act that way, but chances are it’s our insecurity speaking. We know it would be best for us to support you and let you proceed with your choices. We would ask you, though, to put yourselves in our shoes. Recognize that there is a lot of fear and feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. We’re either not fit to be fathers or not allowed to be fathers and that is hard. Please honor these emotions and recognize that although our behaviors may not be ideal—at the core, we’re hurting.

Surely, Jason isn’t the only man to feel this way. So a message to birth mothers everywhere: Please allow your child’s birth father the same support and understanding that you want for yourself. Let’s all assume that everyone is doing the best they can. As we do so, we’ll be less judgmental, less often offended, and overall happier.

author image

Denalee Chapman

Denalee is an adoptive mother, a motivational speaker, a writer, and a lover of life. She and her husband have adventured through the hills and valleys of life to find that the highest highs and the lowest lows are equally fulfilling. Book Denalee to speak to your group, or find Denalee's writings, including her books on her website at DenaleeChapman.com.

Need help from an unplanned pregnancy professional?

Love this? Want more?

Claim Your FREE Adoption Summit Ticket!

The #1 adoption website is hosting the largest, FREE virtual adoption summit. Come listen to 50+ adoption experts share their knowledge and insights.

Members of the adoption community are invited to watch the virtual summit for FREE on September 23-27, 2019, or for a small fee, you can purchase an All-Access Pass to get access to the summit videos for 12 months along with a variety of other benefits.

Get Your Free Ticket

Host: ws02.elevati.net