Your Adopted Child’s Story: Lifebooks

Lifebooks are one way to track and remember your child's adoption story.

Jennifer S. Jones May 30, 2018
article image

Who we are and where we come from are two of the most fundamental human questions. In my family, I can trace an exact line from me to Sam Houston on my father’s side and to a small village in Germany on my mother’s side. A quick glance at our wall of family photos reveals a slight change in the mold from one generation to the next. But for my children, there are no such photos.

For my son, adopted from China at 22 months, and my daughter, adopted from India at 18 months, who they are and where they come from are difficult questions. Unlike biological families, my children’s stories did not begin when we first met. My children spoke different languages, ate different foods, and loved other caregivers. Their narratives are both beautiful and complex. They are both the same as other children and entirely different. In 2001, Beth O’Malley created the first Adoption Lifebooks, designed to help foster children and adoptive children understand these very questions. A lifebook is a collection of photographs, letters, memorabilia, and words that essentially tells the story of your child.

Our son's lifebook as told through a developmentally appropriate story

When I first sat down to write my son’s lifebook, I googled “life book,” which produced a series of self-help websites. So I shut my computer and opened the massive binder I had carried with me all through China. I have never been much of a scrap booker (seven years later, our wedding photos still reside at the bottom of my closet) but I decided to start making piles. Sifting through everything, I found hotel receipts, plane ticket stubs, photos from my son’s foster family, handwritten notes of my son’s likes and dislikes, a menu of our first meal together, and of course, lots and lots of photos. I laid everything out like a three-act play: Beginning, Middle, and End. The beginning bore memorabilia and notes from my son’s orphanage and foster family but also photos of my husband and me preparing our son’s room. The middle became our time together in China. And the end included his Certificate of Citizenship, visa stamp, and notes from family and friends welcoming our son into our community. Surveying my piles, I realized his story was here, at least as much of his story as I know.

My first version of my son’s lifebook was over 100 pages long. I have never been one for brevity, but looking through my series of photos, memorabilia, and words, I realized that perhaps my son’s lifebook was not one story, but two. In the first version of his book I had included everything. I had notices of his abandonment (standard in China), transcripts of the journal I kept in China, immunization records, ticket stubs. All things I knew would be important to him as he grew. But for now? At the age of 3? I decided to start over.

Holding my son's hand helped me find the words to pen

What followed was one of the hardest books I’ve ever penned, but also the most important. I began with “Once upon a time” and created a developmentally appropriate book of my son’s life from the time he was born to when we landed on American soil. There are blanks I tried to fill in and blanks I felt should be left open for him to discover when he is ready. There are many “I wish I knews” and many “I imagines” all told through a simple story, with photos and pictures. I chose to conclude with the words: “This is no one’s story but your own. It is yours to tell, yours to share, or yours to hold.” Because it is his story. A story that will transform as he gets older. And a story that will evolve into a co-constructed narrative as we both find our way.

How about you? Have you ever created a lifebook? What was your experience like?

author image

Jennifer S. Jones

Jennifer S. Jones is a writer, performer, storyteller and arts educator. She holds an MFA (Playwriting) from NYU Tisch. She has written numerous plays including the internationally renowned, award-winning Appearance of Life. Her amazing transracial transcultural family was created through adoption from China and India. She is passionate about the adoption community and talks about the ins and outs, ups and downs, joys and "is this really us?!" whenever she can. She writes about her experiences at www.letterstojack.com.


Want to contact an adoption professional?

Love this? Want more?

Claim Your FREE Adoption Summit Ticket!


The #1 adoption website is hosting the largest, FREE virtual adoption summit. Come listen to 50+ adoption experts share their knowledge and insights.

Members of the adoption community are invited to watch the virtual summit for FREE on September 23-27, 2019, or for a small fee, you can purchase an All-Access Pass to get access to the summit videos for 12 months along with a variety of other benefits.

Get Your Free Ticket


Host: ws02.elevati.net