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Home > Grief & Loss > Beautiful Adoption


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*I’d love to look at you. In your eyes. Just once. Once.

To see how our eyes are the same. I have your eyes.

Your hair, your lips, your hopes, your self, your everything.

What force pushed us away? What will bring us back? Anything?

I’ll know some day. Is what you carried in your womb still in your heart?

Growing. Kicking.

We are connected by more than blood. Our feelings, our dreams, our souls.

Our connection.

Somewhere. Deep inside, I can feel you. I hear your voice calling me. Young

and breathless.

We are. I dream. Of your face. Laughing. Crying. Embracing what is so far


What I long for. Bringing me salvation in my time of need. A bond. Never

shattered, never replaced.

Only put on hold. To be discovered. I love what you represent. My being, my


I have no photos. no misrepresented images of a mystery. Why can’t I look

in the mirror and see.

You. Behind my smile, my hands, my eyes. There you are. Waiting. To be


Or are you hiding from the inevitable thing we call loneliness?

Sing to me. I want to hear your voice.

Talk to me. I want to feel your pain.

Listen to me. I am your own.

Hear me. I need. See me. I want to be educated.

Be me. I am you. Dreams of embraces are lost in glass pillows.

Reality. I am not yours to have and hold.

Iron walls. Close in.

You are somewhere, anywhere, nowhere.

I can’t see you.

Are you running? Do you dream of me?

Darkness. My, your, our mind.

Plays with my eyes and teaches my heart to fly from pain.

Did you whisper to me at night? Inside you.

Did you rationalize leaving me? Did you cry on me, in you, when everyone

else was asleep?


Did you look at me? Did you see me?

What were you thinking as they tore me from you? How do you sleep? Do you


I don’t.

Dreaming of the day your heart.

Your door, your mind, your pain, your eyes, your ears, your arms.

Will open to me and I can call.

Scream. Cry.

Your name. Mother.

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