Dear Mom Expecting an Unplanned Pregnancy,
I want you to know with you’re not alone. I want you to know that there are so many others that have been, and are currently in your situation. I’m one of them. I remember the worry, concern, and absolute fear that I felt when I saw that second pink line for the first time. I remember hoping that I was dreaming and would be waking up at any moment. I remember the pain, fear, and regret I felt when I realized I had to tell my parents.
There are so many emotions that you experience when learning about your unplanned pregnancy and the one piece of advice I feel is the most important is to just relax and take your time. While it may be hard to see at first, the reaction of others is not as important as how you choose to approach your situation. The choices you make from this point forward, will now not only affect you, but they will affect this child. The options you have at hand, are serious and vital choices that will affect you both for the rest of your lives.
When I discovered I was pregnant, I didn’t sit down and carefully weigh my options. I didn’t make a list of pros and cons of each choice. I just jumped to marriage. I felt that getting married was the best way to take responsibility. I obviously had to marry the father of this child. I immediately began planning our wedding, even though the entire time I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. I knew I wasn’t in love with this guy, I could barely even touch him throughout our engagement. But in my mind, I wanted my baby and the best way to provide for her was to get married.
However, as the wedding day drew closer, I began to realize that this was not going to work. I was going through with a wedding that I wasn’t excited about. This was not how I had seen my life going. This was not the “fairytale wedding” I had dreamed of since I was a little girl, and he was not my prince charming.
As I came to terms with the fact that this wedding was not the right thing, I began scraping for another option to keep my baby. It was MY baby and adoption just wasn’t going to happen. Why would I, someone who has been dreaming of being a mommy my entire life, willingly place my baby with someone else? It just was not going to happen. But I will never forget the day I called off the wedding.
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It was just two weeks before we were to be married. I was sitting in the car with my then fiancé and as we began having a serious conversation about our future, something clicked in my head. It was the most painful, excruciating, yet comforting, and peaceful feeling. After refusing to even consider adoption for the last couple months, I was suddenly considering it.
I began to think about the life I wanted for my baby. I began to realize that whether I chose to get married, or be a single parent, the life I wanted for my baby was not going to be what I could give. I was too young and I was not in love. Adoption seemed to be the only logical choice. I began to realize that this child was not able to make any choices for herself and it was all up to me to give her the life she deserved.I called off the wedding in the car that day.
As I drove away from his house, the pain and agony that resonated in my soul was unbearable. I couldn’t stop crying and was already feeling the loss of my child. But there was not a doubt in my mind that it was the right thing. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to let her go in order to give her the life I knew she deserved. While the pain overwhelmed me, there was also a keen sense of comfort in my decision. The stress and anxiety I’d had building up inside me from the day I’d decided to get married, had been replaced with a calm, comforting, and certain feeling.
As I look back on my journey to adoption, I would like to say to you, don’t rush to your decision. I wasted time and money making a quick decision about something as serious as the life of my child. Don’t make any rash decisions. Weigh your options. Pray. While it was the hardest thing for me to do, try separating what’s best for you, and what’s best for your child. I had to break my own heart into 100 pieces, but my child now has the life I dreamed for her. The best part is, while I don’t get to be her mom, I get to watch her grow and become the beautiful girl she is meant to be!
