I never go longer than a week before I am asked the question, “Why did you choose adoption?” In fact, it’s a question that is asked so often that my once-sacred answer has become monotonous and routine.
I think it’s because I gave up trying to sum up ten months of heartache, anger, and grief in a short enough answer that would answer the question but still keep the audience interested. I realized that it’s quite impossible to try to describe the reasons, so the short “because I wanted my son to have a mommy and daddy” became my go-to answer. But it is really not that simple. In fact, when I think about it, that’s hardly the reason I placed at all.
The moment I discovered I was pregnant, an incredible bond was forged between me and my unborn child. It’s quite indescribable, the love a mother feels for her child. No matter how unexpected the pregnancy, it was impossible to not fall completely in love with this child growing inside of me.
The real mystery to me was when I started loving this little man more than myself. But as soon as it happened, my heart started to break little by little because I realized that even though this baby was everything I ever wanted, maybe I wasn’t everything he needed.
I believe true love is when you forget yourself entirely and completely and offer everything you have to someone else. I think that title encompasses all moms, but especially those mothers who make the ultimate sacrifice and gain the title of birth mom.
That true love is the real reason I placed my son for adoption. That love gave me courage to make the decision to place myself in a situation full of pain, grief, and heartbreak so that my son would be in a situation full of happiness, love, and joy.
I knew I would do anything for my sweet baby, including giving him something better than myself. That realization broke my heart, but at the same time, it made me stronger. It made me realize that I was given an amazing opportunity and sacred responsibility to choose the most perfect family I could find for my son.
I chose adoption because I knew my son deserved more than a part-time mom struggling through college with endless babysitters and partial attention.
I chose adoption because I knew my son deserved not only two parents, but two parents who loved each other and had the security and anchor of an eternal marriage. There are a thousand reasons I chose to place my son for adoption, but mostly, it was because I loved my son enough to realize that he deserved everything that I didn’t have to give.
