Before we started the adoption process with our daughter, we prayed for the perfect birth mother for our family. We wanted a birth mom that loved us and knew that we loved her. We wanted a birth mom that was open to letting us go to doctor appointments and be in the delivery room. I knew it was highly unlikely we would be able to meet a birth mom that wanted all of those things too, but we still prayed for it.
My biggest fear was that the birth mother would change her mind about adoption after she gave birth. It happens, and we were aware of that possibility. I was worried she would allow us to be in the delivery room and then decide to parent the baby. Regardless if we were in the delivery room or not, that would be devastating. Being able to witness the birth and then having the birth mother change her mind would be so hurtful.
I kept telling myself it would be easier on us if she changed her mind and we did not witness the birth. Bonds couldn’t be formed that way. Emotional attachments to the baby would not be made. Even after all of those fears, I still desperately wanted to be in the delivery room. I had never experienced the birth of a baby. Since I knew I was probably never going to go through labor myself, I really wanted to be able to have some way to experience it.
The first meeting we had with our birth mom was amazing. She was warm, friendly, and sweet. After about thirty minutes of talking, she told me that she wanted me to be in the delivery room and to cut the umbilical cord. I was so shocked! I felt very honored that she wanted me in there. She also wanted me to come to the doctor appointments with her.
The amazing thing is that we had not told our social worker about our desires to be in the delivery room. Actually, we hadn’t told any one. We just prayed about it and our prayers were answered. Not only was this birth mom going to trust us to parent her baby, she was going to allow me to see her be born. What an amazing gift she was giving us. My husband and I were so impressed that this girl cared about our feelings too. She told me she wanted me to be the first person the baby saw and heard. She wanted the baby to know that I was going to be her mother.
The birth was an amazing experience; that is another story. I was able to see the birth of my daughter and see her take her first breath. We will forever be grateful to our birth mom for allowing me to witness that miracle. She had the right to change her mind about any of her plans, but she didn’t.
Most of the time adoptive parents only have the opportunity to get to know the birth mothers a couple of months before the birth of the baby. For a birth mom to decide she wants you in the delivery room is a very personal decision. It is not for every one. Don’t be discouraged if you are not allowed in the room or even at the hospital. She only has a couple of days with the baby and you have forever.
