My name is Heather and I found my birth family in 2011. I was adopted when I was just 2 weeks old. It was a closed adoption and I knew very little about my birth mother. I knew from a very young age that I was adopted and that I had a birth mother who loved me very much but she couldn’t give me the life she thought I deserved.
Growing up, I felt incomplete because I felt like I didn’t know where I came from. I wanted desperately to find my birth mother. I searched on the internet for many years. After a while I gave up and decided that if I was supposed to meet my birth mother then it would eventually happen.
One day I was talking to a friend of mine about adoption and reunifications. She is a birth mother herself and she worked in adoptions at the time. I asked her advice on where I should go to search for my birth mother. She suggested I try Adoption.com. That same night I went home and logged onto Adoption.com and, at the age of 25, found my birth mother.
I contacted her through Facebook and a relationship was formed. She was there when I was married to my sweetheart and there the day I gave birth to my son. My birth mother and all of her extended family feel like family to me. My mother and my birth mother became close friends; they felt like they were sisters. After my mother passed away in May 2013, my birth mother has been a great support in my life.
Some advice I have for those who are searching for their birth child or birth parent is to never give up and to have hope. I have a strong faith in God and I felt that through all my prayers that He was telling me to have hope and things would work out. There is a quote from Dieter F. Uchtdorf that says, “Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God’s laws we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.” The last line is so true when it comes to finding someone. There is always hope if you have the confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patience.
After I found my birth mother on Facebook, it took me five months before I had the courage to contact her. I had anxiety about what would happen when I contacted her. Many thoughts went through my mind, including rejection, disappointment, and betrayal. I had the love and support of my family (which is huge!) and I decided that I had to know. I don’t know what would have happened if I was rejected from my birth mother, but I think in the end I would know that I tried and did everything I could to understand better where I came from.
One thing I’d like to make clear is that just because I wanted to find my birth mother didn’t mean that I wanted to replace my family. I was only adding to the family I already had. Don’t let fear stop you from finding someone. You never know the kind of relationship you can have with that person and the rest of their family. I am so grateful for the relationship I have with my birth family.
Did you like this story? Read more like it in our FREE eBook, Reunited: 19 Stories of Search and Reunion. It’s filled with insights about the search and reunion experience and advice from those who have been there, done that.