“Each life that touches ours for good.” That is a small portion of a religious song that has been on repeat in my mind for the last few days and urged me to look back on the past few years and the relationships that have been built through adoption.
Early on in our family building efforts, I remember feeling alone, secluded, devastated, hopeless, and a million other emotions that were less than cheerful. We’d always discussed the possibility of adoption, but it felt like a distant unobtainable dream. I’d looked online at various agencies and seen the “situations” that they had listed, and I’d get excited. Then, I’d see their fees, and the cycle of my hopes getting up and eventually ending in being depressed would start all over again.
The failed placements we went through were gut-wrenching. I remember the excitement of getting to know this new wonderful person or persons, followed by an awkward email or text from either them or our caseworker letting us know it wasn’t meant to be. Each time after the initial shock wore off, I was able to re-evaluate and come to terms with the situation. No matter the expectant mother’s background or life plan, I remember there was always a feeling of being kindred spirits. Whether we were close in age or over 10 years apart, it didn’t matter.
Aside from LT’s birth mother, there was one other expectant mother that the bond or “click” was especially noticeable. Like an old friend. Ty and I had a blast emailing back and forth with her. She was such a sarcastic person (ok, she still totally is). Right before we were supposed to have our face-to-face, she cancelled, and we were told she had chosen another couple to place her little girl. Fast forward to after LT was born. We received a message on our Facebook Hoping to Adopt page from her. A little “how are you” message filled with well-wishes. We were quick to message back after wrapping our mind around the fact that this sweet young woman took the time to not only track us down on Facebook, but took the time to contact us and express kind words and congratulations on the birth and adoption of our son.
As the time has passed, we’ve been able to talk about our separate roles–hers as a birth mother and mine as an adoptive mother–and help each other navigate a couple hard moments. We’re friends on Facebook, and I know that our paths were meant to cross. Her life was meant to touch ours for good, even if it were only to remind me that for every hard time, there is a positive. Whether she knows it or not, she has given me great perspective on birth mothers, and she gives me great hope in how I can handle any trial that may come my way. Her effort to reach out to me truly fell under the category of those whose life touches us for good, and it strengthens my faith and enriches my days.
Hopefully as time moves on and we embark on another journey toward adoption, we will find more of these kinds of connections to enrich our loves and hopefully we can be the ones that touches someone’s life for good.