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Hi,
I am the new Parent Forum Moderator and I am so happy to be here!
I have taught parenting classes at businesses including: Nike Corp, Timberland World Headquarters, Public Service of New Hampshire and the University of New Hampshire. I also develop and teach courses for Adoptive and Foster parents for the College for Lifelong Learning and am currently teaching an online course on Infant and Toddler Development.
I am the mother of two sons - one of whom just graduated from Northeastern University in Boston (at the Fleet Center!) and another who is a senior at Roger Williams Univeristy in Bristol, Rhode Island (by the sea). My sons have taught me a lot about parenting and about life ~
I am the younger daughter ... I have an older brother, but our roles in our family were reversed because my brother was epileptic, so I actually took on the role of the older sister (being his caretaker and super responsible)!
It's fun to know about birth order as it affects us and our children.
Here are a few facts about birth order ...
Only children may become particularly resourceful because they spend more time alone. They also get along very well with adults.
Oldest children may develop a strong sense of responsibility.
Second children often learn to be cooperative and sociable.
Middle children may be concerned with fairness.
Youngest children can benefit from the sense of security that comes from having other family members for emotional and physical support. They learn how to relate with and influence others.
Heredity, family atmosphere and values, role models, methods of parenting, and position in family influence who children think they are and how they get along in the world.
So, do your children fit in this model? How do you see it played out? What's your birth order? and that of your partner?
NancyNic
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daughter is now 17 months old and acts like a good combo of both families. We often joke how she has my temper and my husband's stubbornish and has to show off for people like his dad, my mom's nature grace ( or lack there of) So far we haven't seen anyhting that we can't put to someone in our family.
She is very independent and can(if she wants to) entertain herself. She gets along with both adults and children. Prefers boys, but is every bit a "girly girl"- dresses, dolls, and pretend make up.
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Hi Michelle,
According to Rober Needlman, MD 'when it comes to birth order, twins are in a special situation. On the one hand, they are spared the tension that is inevitable between siblings. There is no older child to feel angry at being displaced from the special 'baby' position. And there is no younger sibling to feel slower, weaker, less clever and therefore has to work harder. So twin relationships are often close and harmonious.
However, twins are always the same age and very similar in appearance so there are comparisons...in an effort to distinguish one from the other, parents may focus on differences and assign them niches in the family. One might become known as 'the athletic one' while the other becomes 'the intellectual one'. Labels and comparisons force a child to accept (and be limited by) them or to fight against them.
Twins are born team players who share challenges. They learn from eachother's successes and mistakes and sharpen their social skills.
Birth order can still exert a subtle influence if it becomes incorporated into the family mythology ... 'he's been the first to do everything ever since he was born'. The ways in which a family defines itself can have a powerful influence on behavior and perception.
Have you found this to be true?
Nancy
As a child I was the oldest of three and the only girl.....
As a young woman I dated and married (twice) a man who was the youngest and who had a big sister.
As a mother the first time i had a boy and a year later a girl....there was part of me that had empathy for my son being denied all of my attention for the sake of a baby sister...but because she was a girl I had empathy to her sitaution.
I think birth order makes a major difference in how we live our lives....I cannot imagine being the wife of my brother-in-law the oldest too...I think we would have power struggles all the time. But, baby brothers are so willing to deal with the sister/mommy side of me...... not to say I am married to a whimp or anything he is just used to the rantings of a woman having indured that big sister of his.
I see this pattern playing out with my older children as well. My son seems to be attracted to little sisters and my daughter seems to date big brothers.
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Nancy
I have found some of this to be true, even at their young age, (they are fraternal). The boys have the same coloring, and while they are the same size, James LOOKS considerably bigger ֖ people are always surprised that he is only inch taller and 1.25 pounds heavier. Because of this people ALWAYS ask if he is the older one, then knowingly smile and say ݓI thought so and ԓyou can tell. IԒm often tempted to say no just to get their reaction!
James did reach most of the early milestonesӔ about a week before Andrew but both the OB and their first Ped. Believe that is because James was conceived a week before Andrew (rare, but in this case a distinct possibility). James reaches most of the ֓gross motor skill milestones first, but Andrew reaches the ԓfine mother skills first. I guess, yes, our family does make some distinctions between them because their personalities are so different. Ԗ And in our case, since they are both BRILLIANT, we are guessing their differences will be more along the athletic/artistic lines.
As far as close and harmonious they do ֓share fairly well for their age Ԗ unless they are very tired, for example James tends to be more snuggly in the morning, and Andrew in the afternoon. They rarely try to usurp each others lap time.
Anyway Җ we are trying not to pigeon holeӔ them or allow others too, I think you absolutely right that others more quickly look for their differences than they would if they were 1 year or more apart.
Michelle
Ana - It's funny you mention that - it was one my MIL's concerns when we got married that both Matt & I were oldest children!
We've had no problems though
I am the oldest of 4. I have 2 younger sisters & a younger brother. I have always been the resposible one, while my middle sister & brother were the "trouble makers" and my baby sister is responsible also.
I am mother to 4 children, 2 girls & 2biys. My oldest is a 7yr old boy, who is kind of a baby :) (my fault), my oldest daughter is 6 yrs & a bossy mother hen, then there is my 2 yr old girl, who is mean tempered and has to have her way & my sweet baby boy who is a yr old :).
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I am the oldest of 4, and I am the typical oldest child. I am always the responsible one. My hubby is the younger child of 2, and his personality fits with the second child as he is very laid back and gets along with everyone.
Our son(almost 4 years old) was only placed with us 2 months ago, and is our first child, as well as he was the first child by his birthmom too - however right now he has a lot of characteristics of being the baby of a large family and I think the reason for that is that for the past 2 and a half years he has been in foster care with a family that had three girls that are all preteens - so old enough to really baby him:)
It will be interesting to see if over time he takes on traits of the older child, since that was originally is place by birth and will be here too as we are pretty certain that are family is still going to grow.
I was the absolute middle of five. I had an older brother, and older sister, a younger brother, a younger sister. From oldest to youngest there is less than an 8 year spread. I am the peace maker. In almost every situation I am the one that is trying to make everyone else get along and be friends. I do not take offense easily, as I am more interested in harmony than being right. I am also the most independent in my family, being the only one to live out of state.
I have three kids, one bio (12 1/2) and two adopted (12 & 8). Our oldest was an only child till he was 8. Even though he is only five months older than his his sister, J is very much the big brother.
T is the third of four girls born to her birthmother. The only one she ever really was raised with though is the one just a couple years older than her - g'ma raised that sister from birth, when T was removed from b mom at the age of 6 she went to live with g'ma also. She came to us when she was 9 1/2 and became the middle child. She definately is the Fairness Monitor around here.
E was an only child when he was with his b mom. He has a younger bio sister that was born after he came to live with us (at the age of 5). So, he is definately the baby. We had a younger foster daughter for almost a year, so during that time he was a middle.... but it was a disaster. With his special needs he really needs to always be the youngest.
I am the oldest of 4 born to my parents in less than 5 years. I'm definitely the "responsible one" (except for my first pregnancy, lol) and the second mother of my siblings. It's interesting: D is the firstborn in both "a" and "b" families and has been the big brother of my other 2 from the first day they met. J, although the firstborn for my husband and me and raised as the eldest, has the personality of a middle child. His younger sister, the "baby" is more the responsible one.
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Michelle 053002
about our daughter's birth order. In her Bfamily she is 5th child. Our family she only child so far. My become older child in future. Where does this leave her?
Middle children may be concerned with fairness.