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My B Daughter says she doesn't want to search for her B Parents as her friend did and it was a disaster. What she doesn't know of course is she already knows me as an aunt & we are close. She was adopted by my brother & his wife so I was able to remain close to her. It's been difficult but I have always been on guard not to show any more love then she'd expect from an Aunt. I recently told my Brother it's time to tell her as she is in her 30's & has a stepbrother who she knows as a cousin. I recently made up two albums--one full of pictures since she was born thru her college & post graduation ceremonies. The other is a family picture album of her maternal great grandparents, Grandparents, my brother & her adopted mother and me and her stepbrother, aunts & uncles & cousins. I will give it to her at the right time when she know the story of her adoption. My biggest worry is whether we have the right to tell her as she has not expressed a desire to search. I don't want her to miss any more years not knowing she has a brother & is an aunt not a cousin to his children. Will appreciate your input.
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HELLO IRISH....WOW.......HAVE YOU READ ANY OF THE THREADS ON THIS FORUM ABOUT SECRETS AND LIES? HAVE YOU READ THE THREAD ...MY LIFE IS A LIE? WOW....IM NOT BEING MEAN OR I DONT WANT TO SOUND NEGATIVE.......BUT.....THIS MAY NOT BE ALL SUNSHINE AND ROSES WHEN SHE IS TOLD. FOR ME THIS HITS REAL CLOSE TO HOME AND IF I CAN PROJECT SOME OF MY FEELINGS WHEN I FOUND OUT...... I BLEW SKY HIGH! THE ANGER...THE PAIN...THE LIES...THE SECRETSY WAS EXPLOSIVE! AND I TOO LOVE MY AUNT MOTHER VERY MUCH...AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CLOSE TO HER...YET IT TOOK ABOUT A YEAR BEFORE I COULD ACTUALLY SPEAK WITH HER...BECAUSE MY FEELINGS WERE SO OVERWHELMING. WOW.......I REEMBER THE PAIN.....................JANET
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THANKS DONNA FOR YOUR REPLY...THIS ONE BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES. IRISH.....SHE NEEDS TO BE TOLD. SHE IS IN HER 30S....THIS MAY REALLY ROCK HER LIFE...FOR A WHILE. WOW...HOW DO YOU TELL HER? I THINK IT SHOULD BE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF HER AMOM AND ADAD TO TELL HER. THEN SHE HAS A CHOICE..........SHE NEEDS A CHOICE...........TO COME TO YOU IN "HER" TIME. NOT YOUR TIME. SHE NEEDS THE CHOICE ...BECAUSE SHE MAY FEEL VICTOMIZED BY THIS. TO GET PAST THE FEELINGS OF BEING A VICTOM ... SHE NEEDS A CHOICE...TO IMPOWER HERSELF. WHEN ITS HER DECISION ....HER NEXT MOVE ...NEEDS TO BE RESPECTED. WHAT EVER IT MAY BE....HUGS TO ALL OF YOU.....JANET
If she doesn't want to search, she doesn't want to search.Your brother (her father) should tell her that he has all of the information about her adoption and the name of her birth "mother." He can tell her that he has that info if she would like to know it. Then, she can decide if she's interested without her "world" changing if she truly doesn't want to know who the birth "mother" is.