my son's biological father's birth parents

Your son's REAL bgrandparents are the people who raised his bfather IMHO. Just as you're his REAL mom. Having said that, have you asked your son's bgrandparents if they know who his bioparents are? We're in a somewhat similar situation - Ryan's bmom has both adoptive and birth parents. She was in contact with her bdad though so we have contact with him and her parents. Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

Thanks for replying to my message. However, I know this sounds very confusing. My son's biological father does not know his real parents. He was adopted when he was a baby and has never asked to find them. My little boy's biological father's parents are his adoptive parents and they do not wish for there to be any contact with the biological parents. Nor do they want anything to do with my son. Do you have any suggestions on how to find out who my son's biological grandparents are? Thanks so much for responding. Rachel Hilton

I don't believe "tobeafamily" was confused. I believe she was attempting to point out giving birth does not make "real" parents or "real" grandparents. Believe me, there is nothing "unreal" about adoptive parents. I was adopted and considered my parents just as "real" as my friend's parents. You mentioned that your son's biological father has little contact with you and your son but that you have contact with a half-brother that is four months older than your son. How do you have contact with his other son and not him? Do you have contact with the adoptive grandparents of your son? Are your parents in the picture? I don't understand what it is you are hoping to find by locating the biological grandparents. Especially since their biological son does not wish to have any contact with them. Why do you want to find them ~ What is it you're looking for? :confused:

I do appreciate you responding to my post. However, your tone seems to be a bit nasty. Let me explain to my best ability. I met my son's biological father through a former job. We became best friends. He started partying and got two DUI's. His family learned he had been drinking, taking pills, and that he got me pregnant (with help from me, of course). His adoptive parents, even though he was of age to disagree, sent him to a rehabilitation center. He was in the center for 9 weeks and move to a town about 5 hrs away. In my opinion, they were trying to keep him away from here. He was seeing someone at the time we were seeing each other. Before I found out I was pregnant, his girlfriend became pregnant. They planned to marry because they had been dating for a couple of years. However, she found out about me and that ended. Since then, the ex-girlfriend had her little boy and I had my little boy. We have kept in touch but they are not together. He has visitation every other weekend but does not want to see my son. I think one reason is because I have been seeing someone else since my little boy was two months old. My son's biological father has agreed to give up his paternal rights but I would like to find my son's biological grandparents so he will know who they are and have some knowledge of medical history. Please keep in mind that my son's biological father made his own choice not to be involved. I simply did not want to pressure him or make him be involved because he would only take it out on my little boy. I did not mean to make you upset by using the word real. You have to understand that this is a new situation for me. I have never known anyone to be adopted, besides my son's biological father. I did not realize the word "real" would be offensive to you. I understand that adoptive parents are real parents because they care enough to take care of you and raise you as their own. I would just simply like some advice on how to go about locating my son's biological grandparents. Thanks.

I had no motivation to be "nasty" and am not sure why you felt my tone seemed "nasty". Many adoptees and aparents do find the inference that aparents are not "real" parents offensive. I was attempting to clarify that for you. As you have stated, the situation is new for you ~ for many of us it is not a new situation. No offense was meant. Your previous posts, in my opinion, were confusing. I was only attempting to understand your motivation. Please keep in mind that any attempt to contact biological parents can be very positive or it can be very negative. Many adoptees have been rejected and have been refused their own medical history. For a biological parent to be contacted by the ex-girlfriend of their biological son and asked for their medical history while being told that their biological son wants no contact with them, seems to me, to have the potential to create a negative reception as well as causing pain for the biological parents. On the other hand, perhaps they would be happy to learn they have a biological grandson. Just think it's important for you to be aware of both possibilities and consider what the feelings of the biological parents may be. While I can understand your feeling this is important information for your son to have, just as many adoptees feel it is important information for them to have, the request is often is not well received. Without the cooperation of their biological son, I'm not really sure how you could even go about it. Any legal avenue would be limited to the adoptee searching for biological parents or biological parents searching for the adoptee. As you will see by reading posts on this forum, many adoptees and biological parents search for years and are not successful.

Thank you very much for responding to my post and reply. I really do appreciate you trying to help me. I am glad that you were trying to clerify the situation. Like I said, I am new to this type of situation. As a matter of fact, I was really unaware of how many people are and were adopted. I do not have a problem with adoption. I actually think it is a wonderful alternative to abortion. I am sorry if I seemed rude or offensive; I do apologize. I am not a hard person to get along with and am sorry to be offensive. I will use my words more carefully from now on. I am also aware that there may be a negative or positive reaction to my locating biological grandparents. I guess I just wonder how anyone could not want to know their biological family. I wish that I could help everyone find their family. I do notice that some people never find their biological family. I just wish more people would realize how important it is for people to have access to these records. However, I do understand the need for confidentiality. Thank you so much for replying.