Calling anyone from AZ!!!

Hi everyone. I'm new here and glad to find an AZ thread. I love all the information I'm finding on here, and seeing how supportive everyone is. This is definitely an adventure where anything can happen. My husband and I have three classes remaining in our MAPP classes, our first home study is coming up on Sunday, and we should be fully licensed in December - depending on how quickly our fingerprints and paperwork come back - and, of course, providing we pass the inspections... I'm finding the home study anticipation is killing me. :eek:

I had to disrupt an adoption placement a few weeks ago. Does anyone know if I will ever be able to adopt? It took me 5 years before I was chosen for adoption and when I did I disrupted. I really cared for this little girl and she was my world. At first it was the honeymoon phase she was like a blessing. Even if she got a little bit wore I would have loved keeping her. Unfortunatly, she turned into something that I couldn't have expected. I was told she ADHD and that was all. When I got her paperwork it said slight evidence of ODD (Oppositional defiant). That was understated. They suspected sexual abuse. If she wasn't abused she definetly seen it (Her mom was a prostitute). One day I woke up and she was rubbing herself on me. I asked her not to do that she said 'what rub my pee pee on you' I said yes that it wasn't appropriate behavior for a child and it me feel uncomfortable. I woke up the next day and she was feeling my breasts. I repeated the reasoning. She didn't do either again. She was caught kissing a boy under he blankets at school. I talked to her thinking it was innocent but telling her it wasn't appropriate behavior for school. She told me he put his finger in her. I don't know if it was true or if she was talking about before. I asked they didn't know. From then it started the obsessive disagreements with what ever I asked. Then she would hit, kick, name calling, scratch and bite me. She would run away sometimes scaring me that she would be hit by a vehicle. She would climb on top of the truck cab which she knew she wasn't allowed to do. The worse one is a couple weeks before I told them I wouldn't adopt her. I asked her to get down from the truck and she would say 'F*ck you B**ch, you can't do anything about it. I want you to cry you F*chin B**ch'. When I pretended to cry so she would get down she would say 'your not crying you F*cking B**ch and I want you to cry'. So I made it more realisitc cry she said 'Why are you crying'. I didn't like that but I figured I could cope with that attitude. Her therapy was suppose to start soon (never did they kept string us alone and it never started). A week later was her graduation from Preschool and I asked her if she wanted to have her hair washed. She was excited. However, she threw a fit after they washed her hair. Her ODD kicked in. When they were combing out her hair after washing it she started fidgiting. THey asked her if she could sit still. She called them names and tried to bite her. She continued until she was done combing her hair out. The my little girl stated going crazy at the shop pumping up chairs, trying to throw around the stuff they had on the stations, getting the water nosle and spraying water and calling names. I tried to stop her but it only made things worse so I paid the bill and gave her a good tip because you know we weren't allowed there again and walked out. She ran out and said lets look at toys(the beauty shop was in Walmart). I told her no that we were going home. Asked her to hold my hand and she did after a bit of tantrums and I started to walk out the door. She then bit my hand to let her hand go and ran out. She ran out to the parking lot and I had to scream at her to get on the sidewalk because they coudn't see her. A few weeks later she put a plastic bag over my dogs head and I decided that was it I couldn't adopt her. They left her with me for while they were looking. So one day when she was coloring and one of the dogs jumped on my lap she picked up a pencil and stabbed me in the back twice as hard as she could. THen she said she was going to kill my dogs. She held the pencil over the large dog who is so docile who allowed her to do anything. SHe used to paint his face when I wasn't arond. I tried to keep him away from her but wasn't always possible. That was it as much as I loved her I couldn't adopt her. I demanded they remove her by the end of the week. Her CPS worker found her a shelter and she is there now. I ask about her all the time and she tells me what is happening. I had thought she didn't make any attachments because she never asked for family but once or twice when she was here and didn't cry when she left. She asked me if I would cry with her. I had already been crying everyday after I had told them I wasn't going to adopt her. But I didn't let her see, but she did see me cry all that week. I told her of course I was going to cry but I would do it after she left. She asked me if I was going to be her mommy still and I said I would always lover her as if I was her mommy but I wasn't going to be her mommy. She would get a better mommy who knew how to manage her behaviors. Even today I miss her and love her so much but I can't be her mommy she needs someone stronger or more able to to handle her behaviors better than I. But I still want to adopt. Has anyone been able to adopt after a disruption? I would love to adopt but I fear that I will never get to but I don't want to give up yet. I don't want to adopt a child that has so many issues. But I want to adopt.

I am so sorry. I can't imagine going through all that. I couldn't adopt a child with all those issues either. Poor baby for experiencing so much at a young age.

peaceforall; I know poor thing. She can be very sweet and deserves a family that can put up with her issues. Hopefully, they will get her the therapy she needs now. She stole my heart and I will be her spiritual mommy forever. My sister put it to me in those terms. I say prayers for her all the time. She might actually end up being a better placement with someone else. She wasn't that bad at the last home who were relatives. She might just be completely angry at the world and knew these behaviors will get her a new home. But she needs therapy no matter what the truth is. I will always love her and it tears my heart out that I won't be part of her life (I have asked if I can remain in her life. So it is up to a family she eventually goes to). She is happy in the shelter because she is with children. For that I am so glad that she is happy.

Just wanted to say hello I'm from AZ and start classes in September. Looking to foster or adopt NB-18 month girls. Probably a long shot for adopting but am happy with being just temporary mom. Glad to have found this thread :happydance:

Esther88 welcome you never can tell if you can adopt or not. It really all has to do with what kind of things like how much your worker will work for you, what kind of job you have (if they think you work too much), all kinds of things. The child they placed with me they didn't tell me anything about her mental history. She couldn't make any attachments, she was schitsophrenic (sorry about spelling), but I still love her and miss her. I just wasn't strong enough. I lost my job because I missed too much work because of her too so as soon as I find a job again I will get my foster care licnese again and my adoption certificate turned over to my new agency. I hope to adopt but I think I will foster before I adopt. Good luck to you Esther88.

Thanks AZhello. I am a SAHM with 2 bio sons who are now school age so hopefully will get lots of infant placements. I can understand you choosing not to adopt with so many issues. I would not be able to handle issues that severe. We're just excited to provide a safe place for little ones in need and love them while they're here. I can't wait to hold a little baby again :love:

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Hi, New foster mom here looking to adopt. Siblings moved in w/us a month ago straight from their home. We are wondering how the "levels of care" are determined? And if you disagree w/the level assigned, is there anything you can do about it?

I'm not sure what you mean by levels of care (it's been a while since our classes ;). Are you referring to a child's levels that determines how much subsidy you receive? If yes, when our children were placed with us, they were both level 1 despite both being enrolled in intensive therapy and needing a crisis prevention team. A few months into the case, we were at a party for our licensing agency and our LW witnessed our son's behaviors for over an hour. She told us that she was immediately putting in a referral for Level 3 (I think that's what it was called), because he was out of control. We thought it was just what was expected for kids his age in foster care. So, if that's what you mean, then yes. You can speak with your licensing agency, the case manager, the GAL, the FCRB (although if you're only one month in, you'll have to wait about 6 months for them to contact you), therapists if your child already has one. Any of the above should be able to help you. If you're talking about something completely different then ignore me. :)

Thanks. Yes, that is what I meant. I asked case worker, she said she didn't know and to ask LW. Kids are supposed to be going to therapy, but CPS has yet to set it up. I figured all kids pby start at basic level when they come out of home, since behaviors aren't known prior to placement. So I was wondering how they got adjusted and when. Also, whether or not I have to address the issue, or if it will just come up like it did w/you. Thanks again!

I'm in Arizona too, I live in Lake Havasu City. I just wanted to say hey!

Hello: I lost my adoption placement because she needed more care than I could pervide with out therapy. She stabbed me in the back with a pencil as hard as she could. She treatened to kill my dogs, she put bag over their heads trying to chock them and stab them. She tried to act sexually on me what she seen her mom do. All this I could have put up with if they would have gotten therapy for her. THey told me that the state couldn't afford it and she wouldn't get it. I lost my job and I could have still adopted her but I needed insurance for her and their would be none. I miss her so much and cry for her but she needed a mom that could help her right then. But I still haven't found a job over a year later so I don't know when I will get to adopt/foster again. My agency dropped me so I will have to find a new one if they will take me, since I disrupted an adoption.

That's sad to hear that your agency dropped you. You have a right to change your mind!

hello there nice to find this site and get some good information as late as it is, we are fostering/ adopting a sibling group of 3 and it is ICPC and it has been a nightmare, no services from local agency, no insurance from originating state etc etc, so glad to be almost done as our adoption paperwork has been filed, has been a long year going through this process but well worth it in the end.