learning English

60 days sounds awfully optimistic to me. There is no way of knowing, really, as it depends on so many factors, including intelligence, delays, temperament, personality, previous education, success in first language skills, the list goes on and on. I could understand my daughter adopted at age 6 after 60 days, but not all the time and sometimes not even for basic things. I probably would have had more trouble had I not understood and spoken a little of her native tongue. Also, my husband and I, being used to her, could understand lots of things that no one else could. However, patience and hard work are the keys, and will pay off. Less than a year later, our daughter reads English more or less at grade level and communicates well, though with many errors. HTH

We are in the beginning stages of our adoption search. We're looking for either an 8 or 9 year old. What did you do about school for your 6 year old when the language was an issue? I haven't looked into special services in our county yet to see what's available. This is one area that I'm concerned and would love to hear how other families who adopted older children handled the situation. K.

The main thing is that you really have to be your child's advocate. Our daughter, adopted at age 6, went to kindergarten about 2 weeks after coming home. It helped IMMENSELY, both with her language and with her overall adjustment. She'd been going to school in India, so it made sense to her and felt familiar to go here as well- she even asked to not very long after arriving. And contrary to what the experience of some has been, this has not hurt attachment in the slightest. If anything, it has helped, because it add more structure to her day, which she needs greatly, and makes our time as a family that much more valuable. She only had about 2 months of kindergarten, and the district wanted to hold her back for language only. Well I did some research, and that's illegal according to federal law. If a child has no other reasons to be held back, then the school MUST provide ESL assistance and promote the child to the next grade. We live in a small district, and so no ESL program was in place. But thanks to our efforts, they have actually identified 10+ ESL students and implemented programming. Our daughter goes for "extra school" for ESL two afternoons a week now. She is reading at grade level, makes As in reading, spelling, and vocabulary as well as most other subjects. She is very well socialized with many friends, and is attaching to us very well, as I said. Our other daughter, bio sister to the eldest came home at age 3. For her language, we fought and won to have her put in state-funded preschool. Like her sister, she showed no other delays, and the district reasoned that since she could require ESL intervention at some point anyway, it would make more sense to address it head on. She just turned four, can write her name and a few other words, and makes fewer mistakes in English than her sister. Right now we estimate that by the time she reaches kindergarten, it won't even be an issue. Sorry this is so long, but I hope it helps. Laura

All of this helps greatly! We have a 10 yo, 3 yo and 4mo, so there will be plenty of interaction for the new one we adopt!! I need to check w/ our district to see what specific services are available for this situation! That's a great idea to tape words of what things are all over the place! While I understand the reluctance of the countries to post pictures for pre-selection, it would really ease the child's adjustment to coming here if they knew they were to be adopted and were exposed to some English. I can't imagine how intimidating that must be to a little person leaving all they know to come to this totally foreign world! k.

ksandman wrote: "While I understand the reluctance of the countries to post pictures for pre-selection, it would really ease the child's adjustment to coming here if they knew they were to be adopted and were exposed to some English. I can't imagine how intimidating that must be to a little person leaving all they know to come to this totally foreign world!" I totally agree with you about how intimidating it must be for these children. Our daughters used to have horrible rages, which we now know were usually caused by frustration at not understanding or being understood, not only linguistically, but also in terms of expectations, behavior, etc. Interestingly enough, school actually helped with this. I don't know how every country or every orphanage works, but in our case, and in that of other India adoptions I know of, once the courts grant guardianship, the children are told they are being adopted and by whom, as well as where they are going to live. We even sent introductory, labeled photo albums and gifts. But remember, at 3 and 6, my kids would not yet have had an understanding of what moving to America meant until they actually did it. When we told our very bright 5-year-old nephew that his new cousins were in India, and that it was far away and very different, he asked if that was like Florida (he's from upstate NY). As for the kids learning some English before coming home, that seems unlikely. Even in the best orphanages, caregivers and staff are worked to the max as it is. My girls were in an outstanding orphanage, in a country where many speak English, with at most a 5-to-1 child-caregiver ratio (usually more like 3-to-1), and yet it would've been asking too much to teach them a new language on top of everything else. As it is, we are lucky our children were taught their English ABCs and how to ask for the bathroom- at least we had something to build on! If this is what they can do in a good situation, I can only imagine situations where conditions are not so good. Again, sorry to be so long, but hopefully this helps.

I'm so new to these forums, but they've been so helpful. Little things like you talking about the rages your daughters had. If something like that happens in the future, it'll be helpful to know that it may just be frustration and not some major behavioral thing!! Since I haven't been to the country yet, I can't grasp what it's like for these kids in the orphanages with the conditions, understaffing, etc. What's best for the kids isn't always possible. You forget that in a society such as we have here. Don't apologize for long answers! In this type of a situation, I'd much prefer them to short, cryptic answers that you need to try to figure out! As many things as there are to consider with adoption, let alone Internation Adoption, the more I read, the better!! :)