I need a come back line!

I have just one, but he is a handful. He's 3 and been with me for 6 months today. I hear it all the time, - Boy, you have your hands full. Wow, he's really active. Wow, he's a busy little guy. It doesn't bother me, yet. Having only been a mom for 6 months, it all so new, not much bothers me right now.

Pat, I don't see that the comments are inappropriate, they sound just like typical comments people make to parents of young children. If you didn't have small children the comment would be 'sure is hot today' or 'that sure was quite a game last night huh!?'. People who make a comment are (generally) just reaching out trying to make a connection of fellow-feeling (without having to make a large investment of thinking). I don't think people are trying to imply anything negative about your childrens' behavior. I can understand it must get boring to hear the same comments from everyone all the time. Perhaps you can avoid hearing some of them if you jump in with a comment of your own first (such as, 'what'd you think of the game last night?').

Great comments! dlouis: I love all of your suggested comebacks~they reflect back to those making these comments how much love and appreciation one has for their family. (Now I just need to remember them~ ;)) Denverliz: I am glad you pointed this out. I hadn't really looked at it that way, but then as I thought back at 'scenarios' I could see myself in a check-out lane at a grocery store probably saying similar comments to another mother. (Of course the comment may more likely be 'aren't they a handful, sometimes?' LOL) It DOES seem that our subconcious automatically draws on a common scenario~be that children, the game, the weather, etc...to get a conversation going. Grins, Stephanie

You're right DenverLiz! I don't think most people (in general) mean anything bad by their comments. However, I have seen the disapproving look many times from some people who clearly think its inappropriate to have so many children - especially all so young. Many years ago there were many large families. Today the typical family only has 2-3 children. I think that's what bugs me the most. Also, when people comment on how my hands MUST be full it sounds like my kids are little animals with no discipline. That is not the case at all. In fact, I really don't *feel* like I have 5 children. They are well behaved and listen pretty well. If your kids are well behaved, they shouldn't be a handful at all. I think maybe my come back line should be on the lines of... "My kids are well-behaved. I don't feel overwhelmed at all." Its the truth. I don't feel like its a big deal at all to have a larger family. Of course, that could all change when they next one comes along. LOL!! Pat

We have 4 children and get the comments all the time. For the most part, people are nice and like some above posts mention, a lot of people are kind of in awe of the size of the group and also because all kids are cute, they are just making conversation. When most people find out the ages of my kids (6,5,4,&3), I get the "Boy! You guys were busy!" to which I reply "Not as busy as I am now." And it's usually said with a smile. My other "comeback" to the "what a handful", is "Yes, a handful of hugs, kisses and "I love you Mommy!" The times when people are rude, then I have some comebacks for those as well. I have gotten the "don't people believe in birth control anymore?", which to me was unacceptable. Someone on the forum here gave me the best comeback which is "Too bad YOUR mother didn't believe in birth control!" Luckily, the positive comments are more frequent and while some days it gets old hearing the same things over and over again, I remind myself that at least people are still talking to each other in the stores etc. since it seems like we live in a world where more and more we don't even look at each other while waiting in line, much less say "hi" etc. Crick amom of 4

i have 4 boys and tey are all 1 to 2 years apart so i all ways had the double strooler I hear them all and I woud all say with a smile the other 6 are comeing and let it go as then i would say i would not change a thing

I have 4 bio kids and in the process of adopting #5. If I had a dime for every comment I've had thrown my way I'd be a wealthy woman! LOL ("you must be f___ing like rabbits!" "you do know what causes that, don't you?" "how many kids are you going to have anyway??" "well, we're going to have only 2 because the world is overpopulated.") I don't understand why people think having more than 2 kids is a lot. There are times when I feel like I can barely keep my head above water, but I absolutely love it! Now, we're dealing with comments from my in-laws about adopting. "What do you want to do that for??" "What's Nathan going to think?" (He's my youngest and is excited to be getting a younger brother.) and also, "I have a list of things I want to ask you. I'll mail it to you." I know they mean well... I try to keep that in mind. I love the comebacks about hands full of love, though!!

I loved all of the responses, my husband and I have 3 biological children who were at one point under the age of 3. It was frustrating to constantly hear negative comments so I just stopped responding completely. Now that we are trying to adopt through the foster care system the comments are worse. All I hear from people is we have enough kids, don't I want to go back to work someday?, foster kids have problems..., it is so discouraging. I don't understand why people feel the need to make negative comments.

I have to say, I have only one child (16 months) and just knowing how much work it is with a young child (even well behaved) I would probably say something similar though not meant in disrespect, but in complete awe at how you do it. Now with that being said, I also understand how hearing the same comment over and over again can be annoying....well intended nor not. I think I would be a bit more sarcastic with my comment if the situation called for it (but that is my personality) How about "Wow, I would never have noticed if you weren't such a keen observer to point out what my life is like, thank you so much for enlightening me!" Regards, Brandy

Having once been a "terror" myself, I can now pity my Momma after having some new-found hindsight. The mother curse is true...........you know, when they holler at you and say, "I hope you have a child JUST LIKE YOU"!!!!! I did.......two of them!!!!! I wasn't terrible........really. I just had to get sewed up a few times after my adventures! I was real good at "public relations" - I crawled under the dressing rooms in the stores to surprise the ladies who were dressing, swung on the dress-racks while they were looking for dresses to try on and always had reports of a "lost Momma" going out over the intercom. The BEST part was when they said her name.......then EVERYBODY knew when my Momma was shopping! My dear Momma..........how could you stand my growing up years?.........having me was like having to chase three!!!!! I grew up as quite creative and dramatic.........a fire that never burns out. I expect my two sons are cut from the same kind of cloth!!!!! I predict many prayers on the horizon for their well-being......... Since I'm dramatic in nature, I believe I would want to shock someone into speechlessness with my reply.It would go like this:Whatever comment they mentioned that didn't portray me as nest-oriented and thoroughly enjoying their raising, but instead portrayed me as a glutton for punishment..........My reply would be to turn around with a surprised look on my face that they would say something concerning the amount of children or the work they caused me as a mother. So, with an innocent, wide-eyed look, I would say to them, "well we just planted the seed........it was God who gave the INCREASE"!(Since I'm a christian, it's best to answer with scripture whenever possible). My personal belief - have as many as you can - teach them to love their God and their fellow man - then send them out into this cold, dark, world to shine the light brightly so the lost and discouraged can follow it Home........... GA Songbird

Hi! 7 kids here.Three of them are 2 years old. We had our 5th child and 9 months later our 6th and 7th.(they were early!) So we get all the same comments and I usually just smile and say how much fun they are. But the best one the other day came from a little boy who knocked on my door selling raffle tickets. He asked me if we ran a daycare!! :>

I am the oldest of 7 - all bio. My mom and dad used to get horrible comments about their large (also well-behaved) family. My mom used to smile sweetly and say, "You are right - we do have too many, but we just can't decide which one to send back. Could you help us choose?" Used to stop them dead in their tracks. Happy G'Ma

We have 8 children, six who are under the age of 5. I often tell my family that we are the "traveling circus", because everywhere we go people seem to be entertained by us. We get stopped constantly. There is never a time we go out that people don't comment. Thankfully, most of the comments are made in a positive light. We usually have at least 2-3 people stop by our table when dining out, to comment on all of our children. Each conversation can take quite a bit of time, as each person goes through the list of typical questions. It can be annoying to never be able to eat out without being constantly interrupted, but when you have three highchairs and three booster seats, what do you expect? We won't even talk about being stopped on the way out of the restaurant, or going shopping! I try to take all the comments in stride, and not make it out to be more than it is. I realize that all of my children are watching and listening to how I respond to people. It is difficult to sometimes not get snide with those that question the "realness" of children. Typical comments and responses(depending on my mood, and if the little ones are in hearing range ;)) : "Are they all yours?(or "Is this your daycare)..."No, I found a couple outside" "I'm glad it's you and not me"..."Yeah, my children are glad it's me and not you, too!" "Are they your real children?"..."Is there such a thing as a fake/plastic child?" "Where did you get them from?"..."Straight from heaven" I'm sure I could think of several more! I truly try to keep my comments lighthearted. If all else fails..."Why do you ask"...always works! Thankfully, we also get alot of people that comment on how well behaved our children are and want to know the secret. In a society that can tend to view children as a burden, it is good to be able to show people that there are those who feel that children are a huge blessing!

I have 5 - plus a niece that lives with us for the past 6 months. The only one that made me speechless (for a minute) was: "What is this an invasion?" (we were garage-saleing and this older gentleman commented as we walked up) I was stumped for a moment and then I said, "Yes, and you better hope it's a friendly one." I think humor is the best response.

That is just awesome! I love reading this - we are a family of 3 that hopes to bring home the 4 in Ethiopia in the fall, so our comments are coming. It's probably going to take several weeks of getting to know each other at home before we venture out. I also liked that someone pointed out that in today's society many see children as a burden, something that interrupts or disrupts the adult's plans and the adult's goals. Children aren't an interruption, they are a blessing. Mom is what I always wanted to be - and I'm going to try to remember that it's that perspective that many of the negative people don't understand, and answer them from that viewpoint.