Unresponsiveness from the County

You read my mind. I am taking off of work on Monday and going to the office in person. We are very determined and we want to definitley do this. I don't want to get off on the wrong foot by going above her head but that was a recommendation from someone else in the state program that I talked to this morning. She couldn't believe it since they are looking for good people everyday to be foster parents. Thank you so much for your reply!! Do you know anything about my other question regarding the Home Study? If the county does this initially and then it doesn't work out with foster care, if we pay for the study, is that transferrable to another private agency and out of the state if possible? We live right on the PA/MD border and there isn't much locally in PA. We were told that any Case Study that is done in our state, is transferrable. I just wanted to make sure. Thanks again.

i don't know how your state works, but in my state, the home study to be a foster parent was free. so i would guess not transferable, cuz then everyone would start the foster parent route to get a free home study and then have it transferred to the agency of their choice.

Julianna, I am not sure what you meant regarding healthcare. Thanks!

ya know... it amazes me that the social services systems in this country are SOOOO BLIND to families who are asking to become foster/adopt parents. The stats on kids who are FREE (meaning TPR is already complete) for adoption are overwhelming. They have a "blue book" of kids who need homes and yet, they can't manage to get their act together and set up required classes to meet the requirements. I beleive the real problems is.... LACK OF FUNDS. SOcial services is one VERY BROKEN SYSTEM no matter what state you live in. I see an ad everyweek in the paper looking for families who are interested in providing foster care/adoption and yet there are kids totally lost in the system. I know this because iv been fighing this system for 6 years... it took 6 long years to finalize our adoptiong which just happened october 2003. I am so thankful its over but i do have to admit... i learned so much along the way..... ok im done venting now.. my only suggestion is... KEEP CALLING them and telling them you are interested in getting invovled and want to start classes to become certified. JUST KEEP CALLING. nikki1262

For the first person to post...I could have written it myself!! Many years ago we went to the local county Children's Aid Society to get a homestudy done. We already had two boys and wanted to adopt a daughter. We were VERY open minded in our homestudy and stated "any race"..."many special needs"..."sibs ok"...etc. We wanted up to age 5. We were NOT open to being a foster family first because I did not want children coming in and out of our home for years before one worked out. I could not do that emotionally nor could I put my sons through it either. We would get the "blue books" every Friday and take them home for the weekend. Every Monday we would have lists of children we were interested in for our Social Worker to look into. The story was ALWAYS the same...excuse after excuse as to why we could not send our homestudy for this child or that child. We heard..."you live in too rural of an area...you are caucasian and this child is not...you do not make enough money...you already have children in your home...etc. etc. etc. FOR THREE YEARS. I called the Adoption Clearinghouse and got a directory of ALL county agencies in PA. I wrote a personal letter to each and every one of them...sent a family photo and stated that our homestudy was done. I was convinced that somewhere was a child for us that the Social Worker could not place. Out of 67 letters I only heard back from 4!! Every one said the same..."We have no children available for adoption!!" I started to do research on my own at that point because in three years our Social Worker had not given us one single referal. Long story short...we ended up with a fabulous agency out of India and did an international adoption. Six years and three Indian daughters later we are very blessed. All three of our girls were special needs placements and the agency in India had absolutely no problem with our family. In PA all we heard was excuses!! Someone had the nerve to point a finger at me and my Indian daughter and say "Why would you adopt outside of PA when there are so many children here needing a home?"......You know the saying...don't form an opinion until you have walked a MILE in my shoes!! Although we did adopt successfully and have five beautiful children...the sad part is that we started out WANTING desperately to adopt in our own state and were turned away at every try. We had a Social Worker then that as soon as I mentioned we were adopting from India she dropped us and quit taking our phone calls. The placing agency for India was in Canada so we were left with 15 months work for an Indian adoption with no help at all from the Social Worker who promised us in the beginning that she would do everything she could to help us find a child. She was very much into international adoption as well...but had never worked with the agency we were wanting to use so instead of educating herself she just dropped us. Told us it COULDN"T be done. I'd love to take my three beautiful Indian daughters for a visit to that Social Worker's office now let me tell you!! Once our first daughter was home we had to find another Social Worker to do the in-home visits because I certainly was not going to go back to our original nightmare. What I am trying to say is that we are a PA family who desperately wanted to adopt and called and wrote to agencies for years trying to find a child. We were turned away or given the cold shoulder at every turn. I don't understand why...but it left us very bitter to the process of domestic adoption. Now in the age of computers...I believe the process goes a tad bit smoother for couples trying in PA. I have created somewhat of a hobby for myself now by researching adoption agencies and grants etc. I try to keep records of low-cost agencies or ones in which get rave reviews. There ARE people who just are NOT cut out to be working in Social Services and then there are others who pour their heart and soul into finding homes for children quickly. To do a domestic adoption in PA you need to find one of the agencies who place quickly and have Social Workers who are kind and respectful to you. Many treat you like you are a pest. It is very sad and frustrating for the families...many of which have already gone through the heartache of infertility. After our first daughter came home...I decided to start an adoption support group. I could not believe the interest. There are so many families in my area who are trying to find their nitch with the adoption maze and those who are waiting and those who have their child home. Where do you live in PA? I am half way between Pittsburgh and Erie. Do not let anyone tell you that you cannot adopt...and DO NOT pay an outrageous price for the services. Education is the key. Hook up with others in your area who are trying to adopt and exchange info...if anyone reading this is near enough to me and would like to attend our Forever Families group just drop me a line at gkasche@usachoice.net Adoption is a subject that is so dear to me and I love passing along any tid bits I can so that no one else has to endure the hardship we did for years before finally becoming wise to the system. Don't ever give up. And don't ever use funding as an excuse not to move forward with adoption plans. We successfully complete three Indian adoptions in six years and never once had a single dime saved for adoption expenses. Prayer is such an important part of all of this. It was when I was at my lowest and about to give up that God brought to my attention one line in an adoption book. It was in the reference section in the back and it caught my eye as I was closing the book...it gave the agency name and phone number and simply said "India". I wrote it down never believing that we would ever be able to afford an international adoption. 8 months later when we were still finding no hope here...I remembered the number...the rest is history. All doors were opened wide from that point on. So keep an OPEN mind in all directions and do research on your own...educate yourself to all agencies and types of adoption and soon it will start to be very clear the direction you are to go. Remember...God draws STRAIGHT with CROOKED lines. I wish you well...Karen Asche in PA

Nikki. Thanks so much for your response. Everyone is so helpful on this website. I have heard some good stories and some bad. I've heard not so good in PA, so we are a little nervous. We will just have to be cautious along the way. Thanks for sharing.

Karen, Thank you so much for ALL of your information. My goodness, you are a wealth of knowledge regarding adoption. I appreciate the time you took to help me and to write your long email. That is our goal right now is to EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE ourselves before making any definite decisions. I am calling places and talking to people and reading information etc. I hear about all of the heartaches that people have had to endure with adoption and I don't want to put our family through that. I live in Gettysburg, PA, so I don't think that your support group is feasible but thanks for the offer. I wish I could attend. Do you know of any support groups in our area or any reputable agencies near Gettysburg? We'll take any information at this point. My sister actually works in our local school system and when I told her that we might go through foster care in PA she just got a real funny look on her face. She just told me some of the horror stories of kids in their school system and how the kids and parents were treated by the county. We are so torn as to which way to go, but I am like you.......I won't give up on something that I believe in and that I know is right. I know there is a child out there that is in need. Thanks so much for all of your time. I truly appreciate it!! You are right, when you are new to the adoption world, it is like a maze and you don't know which way to turn, so this is wonderful to talk with people who are experienced.

Sometimes it is really hard to get past the first few steps when you work with the state. We were told to keep in mind that the person who is answering your questiosn when you first call gets a lot of calls and 90% of the people who contact the state drop out fast. Some of them have just watched a TV show and are reacting emotionally and want to do good--but, a few weeks later get over it! Many people feel that the state is not showing interest in them for several steps in the process--because of the high dropout rate. And actually Social Services would rather have people drop out early then later after much time and effort has been expended. There are a lot of realities to adopting an older child--and ~~~I think~~~ the state would rather weed out the weak of heart as fast as possible.....one thing to remember if you do decide to go this direction is that most of the way you will hear about and learn about all the REASONS this is going to fail--or you will never find a normal child--or the horror stories of what can happen. There is a part of me that believes the states don't make it easy for us--Because it is NOT easy to adopt the older children. If we are able to get past all these roadblocks then--we have a better chance of doing everything it will take once a child is placed....Those people who give up early would more then likely give up later after a child is in their home....or give up finding the right services or assistance we need in the event there are issues we didn't expect.... I consider the initail process of even getting into the program to be the first step for the state to determine just how motivated a family really is.....of course that does not mean they should drop the ball and fail to mail out what you ask for or give you the info you request. We had to make several calls in order to have our name added to the mailing list--it is irritating but seems to be the normal thing I hear too often. Good luck and please keep coming back for more questions and support.

Anna, Thank you so much for your reply. I totally agree with you. I kind of thought that maybe they wanted to see how determined we were to adopt a child and that is the reason for not responding. Also, we are interested in adopting a younger child 0 to 3 and that is also why I thought they weren't responding since we wanted a younger child. I wasn't sure. A friend of ours adopted a newborn through fostercare and everything went very smoothly. I don't know what the ratio of younger children is, but I understand most of the children are older that need to be placed in foster care. We are still willing to give a young child a home that needs one, and we would like to work with the county first. We are still in the information gathering stages regarding our decision. Thanks again for your time.

I can tell you that the wait for a newborn or very young child is often much longer! But, I do know of several families who have been placed with a little one! Sometimes it depends on the state---and how they place and how much they use the Foster to adopt plans. In our state Foster to Adopt is a little more difficult then others. You need to keep in mind that there are families who are willing to take the newborns in as foster care with only a slight chance adoption will be possible and many of those families have had 5-10-20 babies go in and out before one has been adopted. It is an option some families are willing to accept. You may also consider siblings---however having taken this road it can be difficult to balance the needs of an older child along with a baby. Ours were 1 and 5 when we had them placed and it has been a very hectic year. And 6-months after they were placed a new little brother was born--we were considered the first chioce to plcae the new baby but we decided the older two needs were more then we would be able to offer if we took a newborns so someone did in fact recieve a newborn as an adoptive placement just this year! Just keep in mind that each child has a unique situation and the waiting really is the hardest part of adopting through the state! Most caseworkers will tell you that looking for 0-3 will be long and hard and they will try not to get your hopes up too high--as they should because so many families are interested in this age range. One family I knew wanted a child under the age of one and they waited for two years before even having the chane to be considered! They did end up going a little over the age of one however and were willing to accept a larger risk of an infant who had been drug exposed with a chance of HepC. You will find they are not going to move that fast on your case with the limited age range. I do know of several sibling gours with one 2yr old and a smaller baby and it is often more difficult to find familiies who can accept two so young! Good luck and don't let yourself be too discouraged during the process---remember in the back of your mind the whole way that when dealing with the state they are not interested in what YOU need they are only concerned that the children are placed in a good home with every chance for things to work out for the child--disrution is the term used when the state places a child for adoption and after a period of time the adoption placement falls through--the states are VERY concerned this does not happen so therefore the process is long and rather painful for us. The great part is that by the time a family does have a placement they should know just about everyone they can call for help--everywhere they can get help and what to do if something you didn't expect should come up. It does take us some time to learn the language of social services and to put ourselves as the lowest importance--with the state it is (or should be) only the best interest of the child! We don't always know why our family is not considered the best for the child we want? But, once we have a child placed if your state has done a good job---you will feel the match was right and feel you have great support. Good luck

Thanks again for taking the time to reply to my emails. I truly need any advice possible. You are right, you never know what will come along and that is what happened to our friend who was looking for an older child and ended up with a new born. You never know when our time will come so we will keep our fingers crossed. Take care!

Hello. This is my first posting. My wife and I are in the process of getting approved for adoption. We had started the Foster Care process back in the summer of 2003, got the final approval 3 months later, and have yet to have a child placed with us for FC. We have contacted our agency numerous times, and always get a voice mail (with no return) or an excuse. So in January, we decided to push ahead (through PA's SWAN program) and adopt. We found the local agency for our County to be MUCH more interested and helpful than the FC agency we had gone through the FC process with. We have submitted all of the forms, and are atending the training classes now. We are very hopeful to have a son placed with us sometime this year. We are finding out more info everyday about Adoption, and would appreciate any advice that anyone has to offer. Thanks! And good luck to all of you other folks who are trying or have done such a great thing for these kids that need love.

Hello. This is my first posting. My wife and I are in the process of getting approved for adoption. We had started the Foster Care process back in the summer of 2003, got the final approval 3 months later, and have yet to have a child placed with us for FC. We have contacted our agency numerous times, and always get a voice mail (with no return) or an excuse. So in January, we decided to push ahead (through PA's SWAN program) and adopt. We found the local agency for our County to be MUCH more interested and helpful than the FC agency we had gone through the FC process with. We have submitted all of the forms, and are atending the training classes now. We are very hopeful to have a son placed with us sometime this year. We are finding out more info everyday about Adoption, and would appreciate any advice that anyone has to offer. Thanks! And good luck to all of you other folks who are trying or have done such a great thing for these kids that need love.

Dear Adoptinpa I don'tknow what your situation is at the moment but I would like to mention this much, we have been foster parents with our county for 4 years now and so far it's been OK in many aspects, we have two beautiful little girls 5years old and 18 months the younger since birth. They are biological sisters. We would love to adopt them. My problem is with the county. Their main objective is ALWAYS to try to reunite.And I have to say that stinks, especially in our situation where a father can't be trusted with his own daughters. But thats another story, I'm here to help you and what I would say to you is to find a private foster organization, like maybe Kidspease. I have been told they are more for adoption, and that info comes from county workers. As far as getting babies you can usually choose what age you want. Good Luck and in the mean time maybe you can help a few children in the process. Dusty

dusty21guy--I am sorry to hear you are having difficulties with the Foster girls you have now and very much hope this works out for you. The important thing to keep in mind always is that Foster Families main objective is to work toward reuniting the children with their biological families. The most recent statistics (2002) indicate the 57% of the children in Foster Care are reunited with their BIRTHPARENTS. There are no stats for how many Foster children are placed for adoption with 'other' relatives. As a society it would be nice to work toward an even higher percentage of children returning to a birthparent. I feel it is a sad fact that so many children in Foster Care are not reunited with their birthfamilies. It indicates to me that we as a nation are not winning the 'war on drugs' and that a number of our social programs clearly are NOT working to help these families become strong and productive members of our communities. Your advice about seeking a private organization for Foster Parenting may be a good option for interested families in your state of county but, this can vary from one state to another. So anyone interested in providing Foster Care with the intent to Adopt needs to find out the best system in their own state and/or county. Some regions of the country are more supportive of the Foster-to-Adopt program then others. Several states, for example Oregon are NOT in favor of the Foster-to-Adopt program in general. Oregon would prefer that families interested in Adoption enter the program as pre-adoptive homes rather then Foster Families. And our state actually makes more steps for Foster Families to jump through in order to adopt a child in their care. Prior to the ASFA (Adoption and Safe Families Act) of 1997 many States would not even allow Foster Families to adopt a child in their care. Many of those State still have not become pro-active or supportive of Foster Families adopting. Oregon is one state that would rather have Foster Family resources trained and skilled remain homes for placement of children in crisis. When our Foster Families decide to adopt that home is no longer there for the children who enter Foster Care and may never be again. Our state sees this as a huge loss of resources from start to finish. The cost of training and supervising a Foster Family is way more then a pre-adoptive home. Therefore many caseworkers really hate and are not supportive of a Foster Family deciding to adopt a child in their care. Most States offer both the Foster-to-Adopt (mandated by the federal government) and the Straight Adoption program as it has exsited for many years. Anyone interested in adoption should discuss these issues with their caseworker before deciding which path is most likely to best meet their needs. You would want to understand your state and county attitude and put this into your decision making process. It is also not true in our state that private Foster Care providers have better luck with adoption. As generally the only children our state will place in private foster homes are those who will likely be reunited with thier birth families. Most often temp care in an emergency situation. Some states are also aware that since the passage of the ASFA many Foster Families have come to realize that adopting an infant is possible and many families have become Foster parents with this goal in mind. Our state has recognized this issue and has worked very hard to place infants where TPR is likely into pre-adoptive families instead of Foster Care. It appears out of simple respect for those families who are willing to accept a long wait and take a baby as thier own sight unseen. The major thing to ALWAYS keep in mind is that the system in your state is what you have to work with. The better you can understand your OWN state and county attitudes the more likely it will be that you enter this process aware of the issues you may face and the attitudes of your local caseworkers and judges.