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I helped a very dear friend find a couple to adopt his granddaughter. My friend thought the child would fair better if she had two parents. (her 15 y.o. mother walked out of her life) I assured my dear friend that I knew of a couple that would make wonderful parents. I started the talks between my dear friend and the couple. Before the couple got the child in their home, they agreed to all conditions of my dear friend, to continue to be a part of her life, to continue to have contact with her brother and other family members. The couple agreed to all of this.
They have recently told my dear friends that "their" daughter is not permitted to come to my home any longer and he is not permitted to take HIS granddaughter to his home or anywhere else.
Needless to say this has placed a huge block amongst the family. Now all parties are saying that we should not have trusted this couple. However there were no signs of their dishonesty. I now consider them as stealing a baby. My dear friend is beside himself. He lost his daughter years ago and now with my help he's lost his only granddaughter. It was never supposed to end like this. We were all friends, we spent holidays and birthdays together every year. Now this couple will not speak with anyone in the family. My friendship with them no longer exist. I feel what this couple has done is pure evil. The process has been completed, the adoption is now final. Is there any way my dear friend can regain custody of his granddaughter.
please help me. I am racked with guilt over this. Had I known that this couple would pull a stunt like this I would have never presented the idea in the first place....PLEASE HELP...LEGALLY WHAT CAN WE DO.
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PLEASE HELP...LEGALLY WHAT CAN WE DO.
If all the papers are signed your friend has no legal rights to the child. There are some laws in some states that protect some birthparent.. But a legal contract has to be done before the papers are signed..
What happened is not uncommon.. It is one of the pitfalls of open adoption..
I have a very hard time reading the letters from a young birthmom who has her open adoption closed.. Brings me to tears every time.
Jackie
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Is there a third party that can help mediate - a counselor, or religious leader? This might help. Or perhaps a family member who's able to bridge? Someone must ask these parents - what will they say when their child grows up and asks why they did this? I wonder sometimes whether parents ask themselves this before they unilaterally alter agreements.
Has your friend spoken with his grandchild's parents directly and expressed his grief and sorrow?
Don't beat yourself up too much. You did the best you could given the information you had. In the end, this child has parents who are able to provide a stable loving home which is what your friend wanted for his grandchild even though they seem faithless to their agreements with the child's bfamily. Really, the only way pbfamilies can be absolutely sure of paparents' honesty is to choose paparents who are already in open relationships similar to the one they want.
Best of luck. Legally, I think you understand there's nothing to be done. Ethically though they might still come to terms in a way that benefits this child most.
Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas
Maybe as someone suggested a mediator would be of help. Perhaps there still is a chance for a legal resolution, you would have to consult with an attorney. It appears these adoptive parents are suffering from at least 4 of the 7 deadly sins (pride, envy, lust and greed) They need to be reminded of the heavenly virtues they should be striving for in their life - charity, justice, temperance, prudence, hope, faith and fortitude. How is denying the grandfather bringing them any closer to these virtues? They have allowed the dark side of themselves to take over. I can not see how anyone can call them loving parents, this dark side will cast a shadow on their lives and their souls will remain ill,