How do siblings react to knowledge of a new sibling

I am an adoptee, and in January 2003, my birthmom denied contact with me. Once of the reasons that she gave my CI was that she has three other children who have never known of my existance, and she isn't emotionally capable of telling them at this late date. I will be 40 in October....my sister will be 39 in December....and my two brothers are in their early to mid thirties. I was raised as an only child, but even tho I have no knowledge of what it's actually like to be a "big sister"....or a sister at all , for that matter, I find that I feel extremely protective of these "kids". I've tempered a lot of my actions because of those feelings of "protectiveness". I've stopped short of making several "moves" in this situation because I know my actions will have incredible impact on my siblings lives and the lives of their children. I am cautious and I think things thru more carefully because of my siblings....where as if this were just about my birthmom and myself, I would have done some things differently. I've spent a lot of my life "big sistering" many people.....and I think perhaps it is because, in my heart, I have always had my siblings with me.... If I were to ever know them, I would accept them fully. Our mother doesn't believe they would accept me however.....whether she is right, I will more than likely never know -- but until that day, I continue to keep their best interests close. Hugs, Sally

Hello all, I'm glad I found this forum as I'm in the middle of this issue now. I've been reunited with my B'son since last summer & I want his sisters to embrace him & develop a relationship with him as readilly as I'm doing. Not happening , at least not at the pace I want! The youngest doesn't want to talk about it as she doesn't want to talk about "things like this"! Maybe she's too young yet. (18) The middle child has sent 1 e-mail to say thanks for a birthday gift.(23) The eldest child , (almost 25) has made the most effort , more frequent e-mails, but still not many. Today, she told a friend that we were soon going to visit her brother. Just casual, no big deal, no explanation.... like it was ok & acceptable for her. I was pleased as I think that attitude is a big step & her sisters may follow her example. They have always known about his existence ,but as the eldest said when we spoke shortly after his first call," I always thought of him as your son, but never as my brother!" I'm so glad that now she has put him in that role. I hope in time they will develop closer bonds, but for now, I'm going to let go & see what happens. My relationship with him has been a gift!

What a difference a month makes! We have just returned from a big trek to visit my son. It was wonderful. As any of you with adult children know, a two day trip each way can easily get de-railed, especially with emotional issues at hand. I feel so blessed. We are all so comfortable with each other! It must have been hard for my son & his wife to have 5 people descend on them, but they were totally gracious & literally doted on us. Already, the 18 year old that I worried about, is considering spending the summer with them before University starts. I'm still shaking my head. Another example of giving people time to adjust!

lyndalou - sounds as if you have all had a wonderful time, especially the 18 year old that you were a little concerned about. Imagine her spending time with her brother before Uni starts - how awesome is that!! Yep, time is definetly the key when it comes to reunion. And really thats the best way to form those really meaningful relationships. It does take time to embrace people fully into your life, it takes time to develop trust and just feel comfortable with people you have only just met. This sounds like the start of something wonderful - every happiness as you continue this amazing journey:)

Thanks so much. It is an amazing journey. Last night I wrote to all our family & friends telling them of our trip & my son's birthday that we were there for. I've already received so many replies, letters of support all! I'm so pleased that things are developing so smoothly. I also wrote to my son & his wife to thank them & update tham on the week since we left. I got a reply that was so loving & they're even searching for work for the 18year old! It all astounds me! This is one roller-coaster ride that I'm thoroughly enjoying.

My birth siblings have been awesome!! At first I'm sure some had questions that is only natural but overall they have all welcomed me. We don't live close to one another but we share pictures and emails and phone calls often. They are one of the biggest joys of my life! I was the "biggest shock" of my oldest brother's life. He teases me about that. But they have done much to make me feel welcome.

I am twenty three years old and i just found out five months ago that i have an older sister who was given up for adoption. My mom had kept it a secret from everyone but her brothers sisters and my dad (who is not the father of my adopted sister). She was afraid of what everyone would think of her. I understand why she did what she did and i hope to meet my sister. She has found her and written her a letter but we have not yet heard if she wants contact with us. Most of all i am afraid that my mom is going to get her hopes up and then her daughter will not want to have anything to do with her but at the same time i realize that without taking that risk she will never know. I just thought i would share my story thinking others might be able to relate.

I found out at 15 that I was not the only child I thought I was. My mother had two children before me (boy and a girl) I was thrilled that I wasn't alone anymore even though my sister is 7 years older than me (my brother has yet to be found). I've seen her a few times, spoken with her a bit. Its hard since she's in a family of 5 other children (so much for not being able to have kids....) so I feel like the effort to keep in touch is on my plate, since she's not lacking for siblings. but she's painfully shy. Just last year (at 22) I met my father's family... he was never in the picture for me, I have met three siblings, two brothers and a sister... some cousins and an aunt uncle and nana! the siblings like having a sister, all of them wanted one (the boys are from my father's first marriage, my sister his second... I am a fling) I may have upwards of 15 siblings from him... rumour has it. But as we all know, secrets rest with the parents... so... I may never find them. My father got around.... but I dont' mind. I never met him but he gave me a wonderful family. My cousin (who is the first one I found) are closer than anyfamily member and I have ever been. I really look like these people. and the best thing from all of this... I found out my being a nerd/geek is genetic.... not my fault at all! My travel bug is heriditary! I LOVE knowing where I come from, seeing people with my eyes(sister from father), hair (cousin) smile (brothers) and my mom's hands (mom's daughter) it's pieces of my puzzle... they say you can't know where you're going until you know where you've been... I firmly believe that now. I feel like I can take on anything now... my biggest wish has come true... I met them (most of them) and I couldn't be happier.

[font=Comic Sans MS]....that she has an older brother she didn't know about and I'm somewhat concerned about her. She's only 10 and starting to get moody, so I was stressing over what the next few years in her little adolescent mind would bring. I figured it's tell her now or when she's 25.[/font]

Hi! My mom told me when I was 13 that my cousin was actually my half sister that she had placed for adoption...My reaction at the time was just to say...ok....and not want to talk about it. Which is pretty much what i had to do anyway, considering I wasnt allowed to tell any one else in the family (cousins) My mom tended to hold my half sister up on a pedastool (which everyone in my family will tell you, not just me being self centered..lol) and I often felt like my mom felt i wasnt good enough....well...she actually TOLD me this...so I guess i have reason to think this.. My mom has some mental challenges, so I think that accounts for alot of those issues. As for me and my half sister.... We are and always have been good friends. At first we didnt really TALK about the fact that we were biologically sisters...but as we got older, we got more comfy with the topic. She is not my sister in a sentimental way....she doesnt feel to me like my brother does. She has her own sibblings too. But I am grateful that I know her...and I enjoy our relationship....and i like people's facial reactions when i say, My cousin who's my half sister...lol Kinda like I am my own grandpa..lol So, thats my story about that.. I think telling her at 10 is a really good timing...You are right about the whole moody teenage thing. This will give her time to work on her feelings about the situation..and not feel like she went through her whole life not knowing. :) Just my ramblings on the topic Leigh

she'll get through it... I was 15... all the trauma of teenagerness... AND siblings from no where...she'll get through it, make it positive answer all her questions as best you can... it helps, my mom gets upset when she talks about it... it was hard for me but I know at least I am not alone. that was my big thing. it's hard to grasp but if you ever get to meet the boy.... a tangible person helps sometimes. I feel love for the siblings I don't know... only because they share parts of me... she'll be okay and stronger knowing the truth. have faith, kids are amazing sometimes :)

[font=Comic Sans MS]thanks leigh. it's been a long day for sure. hopefully she'll work out her feelings and questions before raging hormones steal her away from me for the next 10 years. she's seems pretty excited about it and has sent him an e-mail. seems like a positive beginning.[/font]

That is so awesome!! And ya know...I bet he'll be quite touched that she is reaching out to him :) congrats to you all! Leigh

[font=Comic Sans MS]hey gyspy. yeah, what you said about tangible person...i've received photos of him so at least I was able to show her some of his life...not just a nameless faceless brother. she called her little friends and told everyone... i still feel really nervous though. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]by the way, he's a maritimer too! [/font]

[font=Comic Sans MS]i hope so Leigh. she'll check her email in the morning for a reply. i hope she hears from him. it must be so strange for him.... he's grown up as an only child and now he has a brother and sister... my son and my bson have been chatting online for a little while and seem to be developing a cool brotherly friendship. i just didn't think i'd be involving my daughter so soon...but with her temperment lately i've been thinking about my youth and how i was from about, oh 12 to yesterday, so i bit the bullet and got her up to speed really quick.[/font]