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We have just recently suffered a failed 4th IVF cycle. I don't think I have another cycle in me. We currently have two children (9 & 10) and are experiencing secondary infertility. We are concerned that we may not have a good chance with LDSFS adoption due to the fact that we already have 2 children, and are 39 & 41.
The most difficult part is that our children have been praying for so long to have another spirit come into our home. Up until now, their experience with prayer has been that they have lost something, prayed, and then found it. So this situation has been very difficult for them, especially for my daughter.
We are currently investigating embryo adoption. Does anyone have any information on LDS couples trying this route to adding to their family?
thanks,
Still hoping to add to our family!
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I know that it is not doctrine, but, the Church discourages sperm donation, surrogate motherhood, and AI (with anything but husbands sperm.) So I imagine that the church discourages embryo adoption as well. Again this is not doctrine that I know of. I would talk to your bishop or leader and also pray about it. Follow the spirit, you will be guided as to what is best for your family. I do hope and pray that you will be able to add to your family and that whatever you decide to do you will know that you are doing what is best for your family.
Good Luck and God Bless!
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wannabeamommy...Thank you for your reply. I am so happy you have been able to add to your family :)
I have previously read the handbook guidelines surrounding the IVF issue (3 yrs ago to see if this form of technology was acceptable.) It is interesting to me that the clinic we have been working with has an LDS DR. who said that over 10-15 years ago, when this technology was really taking off, he wrote to the brethren before he decided to be an RE to see if this was acceptable. The answer was yes, and I am sure his and other inquiries led to the current guidelines. I decided long, long ago, that I would not knowingly go against anything in this handbook. Embryo adoption/donation were rarely if ever done at this point (I am not so naive to believe this issue was not considered when the guideline was written...I am just not sure it was.)
I believe that good information leads to good inspiration, so we are still in our searching and pondering phase. The options you mentioned, in many cases, result in a child created with 1 bio/1 nonbio parents. For me, this could cause problems in a marriage down the road. I am sure for others this would not be an issue. However, embryo adoption (as well as embryo donation, which I am personally more uncomfortable with), results in a non-bio child for both parents.
Philosophically, I fail to see a material difference in an embryo adoption that creates a child (with the benefit of allowing the mother to experience a desired pregnancy) and an adoption of a child which has already been created (in many instances from an undesired pregnancy). The gospel perspective on adoption in general is to allow children the opportunity to be sealed.
From a social perspective, what is to be done with the unfortunate result of IVF procedures creating more embryos than is needed? Many couples cannot consciously discard them, especially after they have fulfilled their family dreams with them and realize that it is possible the embryos could fulfill someone else's dreams.
These are complex issues and I have not sorted them all out in my limited understanding. Like Nephi, I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless I do not know the meaning of all things.
I am sorry this is so long...however, I am grateful to lay out some of my thoughts in what I hope is a somewhat logical manner.
Still hoping to add to our family!
Hello--
I just wanted to respond to the statement made by wannabeamommy, who said: "the Church discourages sperm donation, surrogate motherhood, and AI (with anything but husbands sperm.)"
Yes, it's true that they discourage sperm donation, but they do not discourage surrogate motherhood or artificial insemination (regardless of where the sperm came from). Our Stake president in Logan, Utah and his wife had a child using a surrogate mother. The embryo was theirs genetically--his sperm and her egg, fertilized in a lab and implanted via IVF into the surrogate. The child was considered sealed to them at birth as though the mother had given birth. They had a letter verifying this from the first presidency.
Another couple, also in Logan, became pregnant using artificial insemination using donor sperm because the husband had suffered testicular cancer and could no longer produce sperm. They also have a letter from the first presidency stating that their child would be born into the covenant.
I agree that anyone planning to pursue any of these options should consult with their Bishop or Stake President--I don't know if the church has a blanket policy regarding these issues or if the decision is made on a case by case basis.
I just wanted to clarify for anyone considering these options that the church does NOT discourage these methods of becoming parents in all cases.
--Brandi
Hi!
Just thought I'd add, if you find yourself needing, or wanting to go another route, last night I finished typing up the entire process of adoption from the Philippines. My husband is Filipino, and was adopted from the same orphanage we are going to. We have had the most wonderful spiritual experience this last year in preparing for this. I know one of the drawbacks is that you can't get a newborn, because they give the bmom six months to get herself into a position to come back and get her baby. We go to pick up our little 2 1/2 year old daughter within the next week or two, and we know she was meant for us. I know international adoption isn't for everyone, and the Church has not yet been able to be one of the agencies allowed to do Philippine adoption, but hopefully once they see that we are serious about families, and that we are a Christian faith, they will be able to soften their hearts. We were approved as an LDS couple along with some friends of ours who were approved right after us. As far as our agency had known this hasn't happened since adoption laws were put in force. If anyone is interested in this document I have typed up, please pm me, and I can send it to you as an attachment to your email - it is 3 pages long, and done in Word. It gives all costs involved, a list of every document you need to collect and fill out, and where to go for everything. Good luck to all.
Jen
Hi!
All of this got me thinking last night (DH and I did in-vitro last year and I was curious too) and I wanted to get some clear answers. So I called the Church office building this morning and talked to a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy. He got out his hand book and read to me what it said reguarding these issues.
IVF with anyone other then the mother's eggs and father's sperm is "Strongly Discouraged".
Suurogate mothering is "Stongly Discouraged"
Sperm donation is "Strongly Discouraged"
The words "Strongly Discouraged" was the exact wording from the handbook.
After each of these examples though, the handbook said that though these methods are "Strongly Discouraged" that ultimately "the decision rests solely on the husband and wife".
He then said that, "Any exception to a general church policy (such as any of these, a mother working outside home or a father working on sunday etc.) would have to come through personal revelation to and already obedient and righteous couple."
I then asked about embryo adoption. The GA I was speaking to said it is not in the handbook.
"Brownies" said'
"From a social perspective, what is to be done with the unfortunate result of IVF procedures creating more embryos than is needed? Many couples cannot consciously discard them, especially after they have fulfilled their family dreams with them and realize that it is possible the embryos could fulfill someone else's dreams."
He said that he also didn't see how adopting an embryo (especially if it would be discarded otherwise) would be an issue and that he could see no problem with it.
I found this very informative and helpful. I think that if you are making a decision on how to have a family as long as we follow guidlines and ultimately follow the spirit and answers to our prayers we will be blessed. It is so wonderful to have the gospel and the blessing of personal revelation especially when dealing with these issues.
God bless and good luck to everyone on this rollercoaster we all infertility and adoption!
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Brownies concern over not going to LDS Family Services because of age (39 and 41) and because they already have two children has not as much to do with whether they will be placed with a child for adoption as she thinks. With adoptions becoming so much more open, birth mothers have more control over who they choose to adopt their baby than once was, so age and number of children already in the home may or may not affect whether you can adopt through LDS Family Services. It's pretty much up to the birth mom and what she decides. I'm sure these circumstances play into her decision, but it is not the Church's policy to limit couples who are older or have children already. In fact, they have no age limit or children limit any longer through that agency.
The real issue with going through LDS Family Services is their placement rate, which across the board, regardless of your age, how long you have been trying to adopt, how many kids you already have, etc. is only 10%. There are just too many LDS couples wanting to adopt for the number of women willing to give up their babies for adoption to make the placement rate even worth it for some. This rate is far worse than IVF success rates, which are as high as 70% or embryo donation success rates, which are between 35% and 45%. Even foster to adopt rates for newborns hover around 33% (at least in Utah).
So in terms of actually getting to adopt, LDS Family Services is only one of many options and may not be that great at that. You'd probably have more success continuing to try fertility options or going through another agency.
What is good about LDS Family Services, at least it has been for us, is that the homestudy is often accepted by other agencies, so you don't have to pay to have a new one completed for every agency you go through. And if you are approved through LDS Family Services, your profile appears in the online database, which is searched by hundreds of birth mothers across the country, increasing your exposure.
Just some thoughts.
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Hi Brownies,I feel for you and your children's wishes. Do you insist on embryo adoption or consider embryo donation? You can read more about embryo donation here. It has very good chances regardless of your age
My (LDS) friends did an embryo adoption (and ended up with twins!). The mom actually wrote a guide to Embryo adoption for Adoption.com. You can find it here: https://adoption.com/embryo-adoption-guide