To Only Have One Child?

I was only child for 12 yrs, and when I was 12 and 15, blessed with sisters. I much preferred being part of a sibling group to being an only. I grew up well, made most of the right choices and was involved in many activities and managed to get good grades. I think many only children also become over achievers. Yes, it is a personaly decision. The biggest reason I am Thankful for having my sistes is now, as I am an adult, sisters are forever friends. No matter how many disagreements we have, or how often we fight, my kids have family and so do I.

My older daughter was 5 before we had our second daughter. It still amazes me to think that I questioned having the second one. I do not regret it, but it took me many years to want to have another. I did not think that I could do it. Now that we have completed our baby's adoption (he is the youngest of five in the home), I can not imagine not having five. It was so hard to go from number one to number two, but to add 3,4, and 5 was so simple. Yes, the gray hairs are there LoL. I really think that each family needs to make their own decision. Happy123

I wrote a whole series of posts about this a while back, and rather than hash and rehash I'll just post the link for a good place to start... [url]http://older-parent.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/journey-to-cj-part-3[/url]

I think your issue of wondering whether you'll love another as much as you love your first is an issue for any parent, natural or otherwise. Also, I think the issue of siblings isn't as much about when they are younger (though it's definitely important), but there's a good 60 years of relationship between siblings after they've left home. That may be when you really see the benefits of having a siblings. Many of the benefits have been mentioned - the ability to share with another adult the family experiences, the caring of a parent in old age, cousins, adult relationships, etc. Children do cope well without siblings, but as they grow into adults, I believe the effect can be felt more. I am the eldest of six and I can honestly say that when I was growing up I didn't appreciate what being part of a large family meant. Now, I wouldn't change it for the world. Family is everything. I also like the idea of adoptive siblings having someone with whom they have a shared life experience, especially where they have no contact with birth families or half siblings. What else do they have, especially when their ap's have passed on? I have never heard a parent say they regret having a second child, though have heard people say they wish they had just one more. You will love your second as much as your first, your fears are natural.

I know this thread is old and gets only periodic revival, but I've been wondering about this issue lately. We aren't decided about another---though my inclination is no at this point. I do think there's something to newlywed's point about having a shared life experience. But here's my issue---we currently have an open adoption w/ two bparents and their extended families that have a LOT of visits and contact. I don't think I can manage another set of folks on top of that---I feel like I would constantly be obligated to other people with no time for my own nuclear family to be together. At the same time, I wouldn't want to deprive a child of contact with a birth family. Has anyone else's decision been influenced by your contact schedule in an open arrangement? If you made it work w/ more than one open adoption, how did you do that? If you are parenting adoptive children w/different openness arrangements with their birth families, how does that work for your family?

I hadn't thought about the burden of maintaining more bfamily contacts, that is another item to add to the scales. I've been going back and forth trying to decide if I want to try to adopt from fostercare again. One worry I have is what if the next child has no bfamily contacts, will they be sad and jealous that their sibling does have an open arrangement. My daughter has some very nice bfamily and one famous relative and she likes to tell everyone about the famous one. I wouldn't want the second child to feel inferior. On the other hand my daughter wants to have a sister and I'd like a second child, or do I? I can't decide. I don't think I'd let the burden of an open (with acceptable relatives) arrangement influence my decision, but that may be because I have an older child who is perfectly capable of calling and writing her aunts and cousins without my help. Only one relative has been a pain to deal with, and I finally stopped all contact with her. We don't have many visits to deal with tho because the bfamily lives in another state, so they have to be motivated enough to fly here and pick her up and fly back and then the same to return her (she's afraid to fly alone). I don't think I'd put up with any kind of open arrangement that made me feel I didn't have time for my family, and I for sure wouldn't let it keep me from having as many children as I wanted.

Spaypets, I feel that siblings are a bit overrated as well. There are a lot of siblings who don't even talk with each other, don't like each other, and often lose contact when their parents die. And there are so many siblings who refuse to help their siblings take care of their own ailing parents. You would think that siblings would help their lone sibling take care of their parents, but they don't. This seems to happen very often.

Hmmmm.....that's funny. I thought people always claim that only kids don't know how to share or be giving. I guess your child proves them wrong, if having a sibling makes one less giving, so to speak. That might just be your daughter's personality. There are people with siblings who are the very same way. They bend over backwards to please siblings, their kids, friends, and significant others. Siblings just add to the more people to bend over for. If your daughter had a sibling she'd probably be the sibling that gives and gives. Siblings will take advantage of you as well. Yes, people with siblings can be pushovers as well. As for only sharing things with siblings, some siblings take things you share with them and use it against you. When my friends' siblings share things with them, they run and tell friends, other relatives, and their spouses. Also, there are people with siblings who say or share things with their friends and spouses that they just can't tell a sibling. Different strokes, I guess.

I agree Verncait. Being an only child has nothing to do with being bossy, lonely, spoiled, or selfish. There are many siblings who share these traits as well.

I agree redhedded.

Not to put down siblings relations, but not all siblings are "forever friends." And there are some things that would damage sibling relationships.

You know I also have an only child, but in future I would like my daughter to have brothers or sisters. As I see you're lucky and have a family that everyone would like to have. Good luck!

My wife and I also are starting our 40's and have considered adopting a second child. My son's foster home had three other children. He was almost adopted by his sibling's adoptive parents. So of course this is an issue with him, he remembers his sister. Now there is a girl in his class that shares his sisters name. So on occasion he will bring the subject up. He used to have a problem with hitting other kids, so I suspect this is why the placement failed. Anyways their loss. What a terrible thing to do. I have worked with him for a year and a half and he no longer has this trouble. Anyways by being an only child we have more time to work with him. He is extremely intelligent, handsome, and outgoing. Even the social worker said he would have a hard time topping him. I guess I'm just a proad one child parent.

I have 2 bio boys and always thought TWO was my number....I always intended to have at least two..NOW I am thinking THREE is my number so for all of you out there that are wondering about child number 2 or not to have a second...I am wondering the same about 3 kids....just like people who want just one..every one of us have our own ideas of the perfect family size...and you have to accept and love YOUR idea of what is RIGHT for you..I have 9 half siblings....and 2 step-siblings..7 sisters and 4 brothers...talk about having many siblings...and there was good and bad in all of it..some of my siblings I Only KNEW about....6 I grew up with....3 have passed away...yes some of my siblings I am close with, some I will never REALLY know..but in the end...family is what makes life happy, but for many so do friends...I would never want to replicate the pure insanity of my childhood..but somehow still when I sit in my home of quiet with just the 2 kids I DO have, the house feels empty and then one visit from family and I think...so glad I have such a perfect sized family..but still I do have room for more..how that plays out in the end will be interesting...to ttc another or to adopt another is always a fresh topic in my home..but in the end...every one of us needs to decide how many kids are enough...but it is something each one of us wrestles with...just know YOUR size family WILL be perfect for you! ;)

We've been parents of two and are now parents of one. My two were 21 months apart. I can tell you that in a LOT of ways, parenting my two was easier than parenting my one. With my son, if he wants to play or read or anything, he needs mommy or daddy to make it happen. With my two, they played together and quite enjoyed entertaining one another. It was easier for me to get things done around the house because they would play together and I could supervise (sometimes, not always, of course!). Also, speaking solely for myself, I am very grateful to have my sister as an adult. We lost our dad when I was seven and our mom when I was 23. Now, in my thirties, my sister is the only person who has known me my entire life and can share in stories from when we were kids. I am also so incredibly grateful that I was not alone in caring for our mom during her last months, nor was I alone in planning her funeral, dealing with hospice, etc. Of course we fought as kids and there were times I truly could not stand her, and we still argue once in a while, but I have very well developed zen when it comes to her and I wouldn't change the fact that I have her for anything in the world. Just my personal experiences....