adoption through DYFS in New Jersey

How quickly you get placement is dependent upon what you're willing to accept in a child. Realistically the majority of children available are Black and Latino, 7 or older (unless part of a sib group) and have impairments -- physical, emotional, learning, mental, etc.

Thanks for your input. I have already contacted 1-800-adopt and gotten information for sessions. Because we would like to adopt a caucasian child, they suggested that we could try to adopt outside of NJ. There are many children in the system from Texas, Maryland, and Pennsylvania. Have any of you looked at this possibility - of adopting a child out of NJ? They told me that as long as the other state has a reciprical agreement with NJ that I could go through DYFS and do this. They also told us that many of the children who are adopted in NJ are adopted by people from other states. Have any of you heard about this? There is so much to learn and I don't want to play around with another persons life - either my bio families or the life of a child in the system. We all know that these kids have been through enough already. We will advocate for a child - that is not an issue.

Yes, adoption out-of-state is a very real possibility. Interstate compact is sometimes a complicated process and social workers like to discourage it because it's lots of paperwork and time consuming but federal law does not permit geography to be a barrier. And with the increasing popularity of the Internet and state and national photolistings, many children in NJ are adopted by out-of-state families too. Some states are known to be easier to deal with, as opposed to others. One obstacle I have come across is often, with older children, there are siblings or other bio relatives that they have a strong bond with and visit regularly. In these instances, the state will not permit an out-of-state adoption to take place even if you make a commitment to maintain that bond. Good luck. J

Julieanne, Where are you in this whole process? Have you had your home study and everything? It feels so good to talk with someone who is going through the same process. We did consideration to the fact that if we adopted out of state that we would have to travel in order to visit with a child. This is why we were looking into Delware, Maryland, Pennsylvania areas. They are close and it wouldn't be costly in travel. We are located in S. Jersey and have been told and have learned that most adoptive children in NJ are African American or inter racial. We personally do not have a problem adopting a child like this, but unfortunately, the town we live in does. We only have 2 African American children in the ENTIRE school district of 3 elementary schools, one middle school and one high school. We have decided that it would not be far to the child to put him into that kind of situation. We also believe that it would be unfair to our bio children as well because they have to attend school here.

Hello again, My homestudy should have been completed by now but, in the beginning, there were a lot of delays on my part (death in the family, change of jobs, etc.) and now I'm pushing DYFS to speed up the process. Compared to a private homestudy, which we had done in the past, it can be painfully slow. Completed: orientation, PATH training, finger printing, 1 of 2 home visits and all references submitted (my employer, three personal, my child's school and medicals). I was hoping my sw would come for my 2nd visit this month, and so far all she has said is she will try to make it in August. After that, my file should be submitted for licensing. I am VERY anxious right now. I am actually interested in a specific child that I saw on an out-of-state photolisting. The sw gave me info on the child, which surprised me, and is awaiting my HS. I had hoped to get it to her by the start of Aug -- not going to happen. Admittedly, I have considered having a private update done so that I can start being considered for children but the expense involved has kept me from doing that. Patience and faith -- I am working on these things in my personal life. As far as waiting goes, I do suppose it's not much different than waiting for a bio child to be born -- so much anticipation. J

Julieanne, Thanks for telling me where you are. When you go through DYFS for adoption do you have to have them do your hs or can you go with a private agency? I'm I correct in understanding that if you go through DYFS that there is no charge? And also, with a private agency the prices I have seen are between 150 and 300 for hs. Does that sound right? I too have seen a few children on the national listings that I would be interested in, but we haven't even begun any of our paperwork or training. How long has it taken you to get to where you are in the process? Also, do you know about anything about what is costs to go through DYFS totally for the complete adoption? From what I am reading there is usually no charge. This is another reason that we have chosen to go this route. I just couldn't "pay" to get a child. It felt like I was "buying" a person. I have nothing against private adoption AT ALL. It just wasn't what were called to do.

I hope I answer all of your questions ... 1. At times it is possible to use a private HS to adopt through a public agency. Basically, when it comes to older children, the adoption does not take place immediately. They are in essence, foster children until finalization occurs, which is at least 6 months after placement but can be longer. If you want/need the subsidy in the interim, you have to be dual licensed (for foster care and adoption), which going throgh PATH training, you will be because the training is the same. Private agencies don't license for foster care thus, you usually need to have had the PATH training to bring home a child who is coming from foster care and into your home, which is a pre-adoptive placement. Gosh, I hope all of this isn't confusing. If you happened to have a private agency do your HS, DYFS would possibly work to match you with a child but before they would take a child from state care and put into your home, they would require that you meet their standards. Honestly, DYFS and other state agencies have a tendency to be more stringent in their requirements than private agencies. With private agencies, you're a consumer paying for a service. 2. There are no charges to adopt through DYFS and your child may even qualify for a subsidy that will continue until 18-year-old. 3. As for private agencies fees, they can vary considerably however, I have never seen a fee of less than $1,000 for a HS -- not in NJ at least. That's what I paid to a Bergen County private agency four years ago and they have since increased their prices. I contacted them about an update and that was $450. I checked with other various agencies around the state and just to update (an update is not a complete HS, it's for a family who has had one done in the past), most were charging in the $500-700 range and that did not include fingerprinting (which must be done on ea. adult in the home) or post-placement visits. Also, with private agencies there is usually a fee for each time your HS is sent out and you pay a fee for an official copy for the HS. It all adds up pretty quickly. 4. Had I stuck to the original time line, I would have been finished all of this in 6 months or a little less. However, it is very important to stay on top of your sw. Don't just assume that things are being submitted on your behalf in a timely manner. THere are lots of horror stories on this board where paperwork ends up in black holes and people hesitate to check on things because they don't want to "pester" anyone. Since you are going straight into adoption, as soon as your classes begin, you should be assigned a homefinder (social worker). Complete the extensive packet of paperwork as soon as you can, get your fingerprinting done quickly, keep after your references to submit their forms ASAP, physicals have to be less than 6 months old at the time of submittal so schedule necessary appt, etc. It is very important to be vigilant. 5. In some private adoptions, people are buying children to be blunt. I've seen horrific incidences of outright babyselling by agencies, so-called facilitators, brokers, etc. They support their outrageous fees by claiming the expense of advertising, etc. And I agree, people should be paid. I don't work for free so I don't expect my social worker to not get paid for her efforts. Agencies have advertising expenses, overhead for office space, lawyers, etc. But when I see $30K adoptions (which there are no shortage of), it makes me cringe. But again, I am not opposed to private and it's something I may pursue again in the future. There are agencies out there that are legitimate, that do care about the children they place and the families involved (bio and adoptive) and they have reasonable fees -- sliding scale in some instances. Hope some or all of this made sense! J

Julieanne, Thank you so much for all your insights. You have answered so many of my questions. I just shared your response with my husband and he says thanks as well. I guess our next step is to pick the date for our orientation session and then find out about the training programs. I will keep you posted on our progress. Do I understand this training to be 10 weeks long?

Hello, Ten weeks sounds about right. I took my PATH training September 2003 but then stopped all adoption plans and did not resume until June 2004. Also, I took my classes on Saturday because week days are difficult for me. The Saturday classes ran five Saturdays, if I recall correctly, and it's two classes at once. I know it's a total of 40 hours. There are others on this board who have taken it more recently. Or give that hotline a call back and they will confirm how long the training runs. J

Hi Everyone! I was doing a search in www.google.com and stumbled upon this forum. I would like to tell you that adopting through DYFS is the most rewarding thing my husband and I ever did. We underwent the foster parent class in May of 1997 and in July of that same year we received our first child placement. She was twenty-two months old at the time and her words to me were "Mommy, I home." I knew from that day on that little girl won her way into my heart and that of my husbands heart as well. She is now eight years old kind of on the shy side and quiet for the most part. She is getting wonderful grades in school and has many friends. Her favorite subjects are reading and arithmetic. In July of the following year we welcomed her sister into our home. She was eighteen months of age and as long as she had her binky in her mouth she was fine. *lol* She didn't talk much and now we can't get a word in edge wise. *lol* She is now seven years old, loves to make people laugh, and she has a lot of friends. She is also doing well in school. Her favorite subjects are playing and reading. *lol* As you can tell from my writing, I am a very proud mom. I love both of my girls as they brought new meaning into mine and my husbands lives and they completed our family. The adoption for both of them was finalized in January of 2000. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Sincerely, Angel

Thanks for sharing your beautiful story! Congratulations on the adoption of your precious daughters!

Any time. :) God bless. Angel

My wife and I just became new foster adoptive parents since we have problems of our own. We want to give someone a chance that wouldnt have that chance with out a stable loving home. After we became licensed we were gifted with a perfectly healthy baby boy...a few days old. He is a god send. Now after the initial social worker/investigator told us he does not see the child making a move out of our home ever. We were told soem information on the parents, he mother has psy issues, the father also has major psy issues too. The mother family was ruled out and now we are told the father's mother want the child. Our hearts were crushed!! I dont know if we can do this emontial roller coaster ride since want to adopt. Does anyone have some sound advise for us? Thank you and reguards!!!

The only advice I can give you is take a deep breath. The foster/adopt experience is the biggest roller coaster ride you will ever take. Things change rapidly and often. Try and take the long term view and not react too much to the day to day stuff. Easier said than done, I know. Make sure you keep in close touch with your child's GAL as he or she is there to advocate for your child. Hang in there. Treat yourselves well (I know you are treating your child well!). Hugs. It is such a tough ride. Know there are lots of us thinking of you.

Hello. I am a single female and interested in adopting in NJ. My experience with DYFS has been less than fulfilling... I could get into details, but at this point I really feel like DYFS interests are in conflict with those of us who want to adopt... it may work out through DYFS, but it feels like you're on your own... they really just want "foster homes" they are just not proactive at all about trying to match kids who may need adoption with parents who want to adopt...they usually have little information on the child and sometimes its even wrong... Atleast you have the support of each other to get through this disappointment... what I have learned -which I wish they had told me from the beginning is this: if you want to adopt through the foster system you usually have to go through 3 to 4 placements before one comes along that you can keep. It will happen for you, but you have to be willing to keep taking kids and risk the disappointment. Personally this emotional rollercoaster is taking its toll on me and its a fight to stay positive... I am going to hang in there with DYFS, but looking into private agencies for other options. After a few phone calls... its very expensive for a newborn adoption(usually $26,000)... but you can deduct up to $13,200 from taxes... the wait is usually one year for a match. I decide to try DYFS because "I wanted to help give a child a home" -I wanted to do something positive and fulfilling, but quite frankly the whole experience is really a drag. I feel bad for the kids caught in this system.