I read some things about Single men adoptions that really upset me.

Hi, I read your message about single men adopting kids and I empathize with you. I'm now 45 years old and a single man looking to adopt an older boy as my son. Since life has thrown me for a loup in the love relationship department, I too have yet to find a suitable mate to share my life with and I too wish to be a parent. I was watching t.v. one night and watched a program on the millions of older children in need of good loving homes and it made me decide to check into the possibility of adoption. I called my local Health and Human Services Department and they seemed encouraging about the prospect of my adopting a child. They told me what I needed to do in order to adopt according to state law so I started the process rolling. After 2 years of jumping through the hoops, I finally was licenced as a state approved foster parent ready for a placement. Whoo hoo I'm ready any day for a call from the agency with a child looking for a home. Weeks went by, then months and now almost a year and not so much as a single interest call. Hmmmmmm, I began to wonder what was going on. I keep sending inquiries from websites I visit and I get the same answer...either I'm not qualified to parent the child I inquired about, or someone else is already being considered for the child, or the old "don't call us we will call you" addage. One day I decided to hop on an adoption chat line to see if any other single men are having the same problem with adoption. I simply asked, "Are there any single guys looking to adopt a child" in a generic manner, and the responses I got were outragous. I was attacked by everyone in the room, being called a pedofile and child molester, pervert and a few other adjectives that I can't mention here. What's wrong with our society, we suspect anyone who isn't married of being child molesters because they care enough to give a loving home to a child? I have spent lots of time and money preparing for what I thought would be the greatest day of my life to only spend almost 3 years of my life being depressed and saddened by the void I feel not having a son to call my own. The t.v show said millions of children needing homes, Here's a home available now for 3 years, and still no placement for me. I empathize with you buddy. Hang in there just like I plan on doing. Duane Ekwall-Chadon, NE

Thankyou for the encouragement, I am strong and I will keep trying. I just hope I have a child before I have to start collecting retirement.

Wow prince, you are a braver man than me if you're wanting a newborn. I thought older would be easier to handle than the diaper changing thing. You go guy haha.

I'm in NJ and am certified for the fost/adopt program. In my PATH training classes there were several gay couples who got infants right away! I mean a few weeks after being certified. I guess it all depends on the state you are in. Are you open to any race? I am a single female who is hoping to adopt my little guy very soon. I think it's just as normal for a single man to not want to wait forever to have children. I didn't want to wait for a man (after a broken 7 year relationship) so I went out and decided to take steps to have a child on my own. And why should a man feel any different! Good luck to you! Don't give up!

but I was told by one agency gay couples are perfered over single parents... Not letting you foster???? man that wouldn't happen here, they'd at least try you out unless you were looking for one of the non-existant perfect children...The more liberal area you live in the better your odds....If you have the money there are a few countries that accept single fathers...also I think on the other board a lot of people have had luck adopting from Ohio and Missouri as single fathers..... There are states such as Iowa that don't look at single parents much at all... Good luck

Hello my name is Zacq, I think a single man has a good heart to adopt a child. 2005 is a new generation, and life has made a big change in marrige, families, schools, and gays. Adoption has moved on to the future as well. I believe you will do fine as a single male parent. Just don't let the bad things you read bother you. I'll be 40 this year, and I'm looking forward to adopt as a single parent. I'm low income, and a single male trying to make a differance. The support is out here, and lots of programs for help. I was adopted as a child and I understand very well how this world rotates. Remember this world is one big circle. What comes around goes around. Just worrie about moving forward, and not backwards. Think about what you would like to write one day and read It out loud, and compare it to something you read you didn't agree to. You might be that one that made a differance in some child's life. That is something worth while reading. GOOD LUCK AND WELCOME TO A NEW WORLD 05

It's 2008 and it's been a while since my last visit.... I hope Prince 21301 wish came threw adopting a child....

Where are you guys at? I'm a single parent who lived with my mom when I started. There were a couple of other single women and a gay coiuple who attended MAPP classes with me. The only obstacle would be child abuse charges that were true.

I'm here, just got out of touch too long, but was just responding to your message yrs ago. I just recently started back on this site and looking over some old threads. I came across this story and really forgot about it.. Sorry.....I probably was going threw some emotional issues my self... I'm here in Washington DC, and have no idea of your area of living..... I hope you are happier today and the passed is behind ya....

Millie58, You said: I'm just starting my adoption journey and am still in the research/decision-making stage. However, I do know that your statement above is completely false. Truth is, there is a lot of prejudice against single men adopting. Some of it stems from fears that the man might be a pedophile. Some of it stems from prejudice against gays. Some of it stems from prejudice against singles and some of it is simply the lingering traditional belief that a woman is the best person to care for a child since women have traditionally been a child's caregiver and caretaker, especially if the child is young. Regardless of whether it's true or not, if a birth mother, agency, social worker, attorney or other decision maker even suspects a man might be a pedophile (even in spite of no evidence to support it) or just believe that children shouldn't be placed with single men, then that man is going to have an uphill battle in his adoption journey. Unfortunately, this is one case where he's guilty until proven innocent, as it were. Not fair, true. But that's reality. As I said, I'm just beginning my adoption journey and have absolutely no idea what the success rate is for single men trying to adopt right now. I know great strides are being made in this area. But I DO know that prejudice against single men adopting still exists for many reasons (some of which I mentioned above). Even the appearance, smallest hint or suspicion of impropriety, abuse or pedophilia is enough for a decision maker to deny a single man's petition to adopt. And unfortunately, truth has little to do with it. Michelle

I have adopted 10 sons from no less than 4 states. Not once did I run into bias or questions as to my reasons for adoption. I adopted my first son nearly 10 years ago, so I know it is easier now. As far as guys being suspected about being pedophiles, what about the female teachers running off with the 13-15 year old boys? :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

I chose my son's dad from a plethora of married or partnered couples. I chose him because I knew he would be the best PARENT to my son, & fit the needs that I had regarding my son's adoption.I think the times are changing & that in this new age the person whose soul 'speaks' to the birthmom/birthparents is the person that is chosen. My son's dad was the one - I knew it the first time I read his profile - I knew it when I first met him, when he spent hours walking around the mall with me for exercise, when he made me mini red velvet cupcakes (which I devoured in one night, so he made me some more), when he ate chinese food with me 3 times in a row even though I know he was probably sick of it - I knew it when he held my son 1 minute after he was born and I know it now. He is a 31 year old single, gay male, & for me & my Jellybean - he is just perfect.

I completely sympathize with this. I run a daycare and I actually had a potential client tell me that she wasn't comfortable with my husband watching the kids if for some reason I couldn't. WHAT?!?!?!?!? Needless to say, I didn't call her back. I think it's so sad that men are the villains now. What male figure does our society expect our children to look up to if we suspect every man as being a pedophile? I completely agree with using your gut instinct when it comes to leaving your child with someone (of any gender) but to assume a man is a pervert simply because he likes children is wrong.

Many single men have adopted. No, it isn't easy. There is a good bit of discrimination against both straight and gay men. But if you work at it, you will succeed. One option is private adoption, where you do a lot of networking to identify a potential situation, then have a social worker handle your homestudy and a lawyer handle all the legal formalities. If you are open to older children or children with special needs, going through the foster care system can be a good option. It's virtually free, and some children come with subsidies for medical care. International adoption is more difficult. The biases against single men are even more pronounced overseas. Still, an occasional male has adopted internationally. Sharon

I am a proud gay dad who adopted from Ukraine several years ago. My adoption story is historic in the fact that I was only the second single man and the first gay man (that I am aware of) who was allowed to adopt. I recently published a book about the experience, regulations, etc. it can be found at Amazon or Barns and Nobel.com. Search under A Family of Choice, or Paul Hampsch.