Help...Bio-Father is contesting the adoption

I have not been in your position but wanted to just make a statement. In my state, we also have a punitave father registry. My attorney and agency both told us that if he was not registered within 30 days of the baby's birth, he could contest all he wanted but it would not fly in a court of law. Even if he did register, in our state he would have to show that he had provided both emotional and financial support. It is considered the guy's responsibility to register, even if he doesn't know about a pregnancy. That's the point. If he wants to be told about any future pregnancies, he's suppose to register. I would hope that your state's laws in regards to the registry are very similar. They are there to prevent this type of thing. I bet everything will work out. Especially since the birthmother is willing to testify on your behaf. Keep your head up and let us know.

This happened to me this past year. My ason was born April, 2003. I never met bmom. She left the hospital and has never been heard from since. She did name the bfather. At first he said he wasn't sure if he was the dad...Then no one heard from him. In my state, since both bparents were not around and not signing anything, I had to wait for 4 months, then they could terminate rights due to abandonment. Well, 4 months pass and no one hears anything from either party. So, there is a hearing set for TPR. November comes, and my son is now 6 months old. The day comes for TPR and the birthfather shows up and says he wants the baby. The judge questioned where he has been and luckily my agency had documentation showing that they had tried contacting him several times. The judge told him that he must pay for a DNA test and come back to court with a lawyer. He gave him 10 days to do this. My heart was broken. I was a mess. I had this baby for 6 months...Well 2 weeks pass and again, no one hears anything. So a new date is set for January. So I had to go through Xmas not knowing what was going to happen. That was a difficult thing. But, January came and the dad was a no show. The judge even appointed a lawyer for him. His lawyer tried contacting him and never heard a word. So TPR was granted. My son's adoption was finalized this past May. My agency has still never heard from either bparent. I was hoping for an open adoption, but it hasn't happened yet. Im just so thankful that the adoption went through. My advice to you is to hang in there. It is a long, stressful wait, but dont give up. Take it one day at a time. Make sure you stay in touch with your lawyer. This was a big help to me. I give my lawyer a great deal of credit. He is the one that kept pushing for the TPR dates. Good luck!

but, I am thinking good thoughts for you. Sounds like with bio-mom and bio-grandmother you are in good standing. Best of luck and keep us posted. Kim

Gon batty is right. Also alot of times when the Bdad is presented with the child support, health insurance, etc. they usual back down. It could all just be talk right now too. I wouldn't worry too much. Things will work out. Deb

We went through the same thing recently. And we prevailed! I don't know what state you live in but it sounds like this guy doesnt have a leg to stand on. Has he even offered to pay child support? Has he asked for visitation? Probably not. Does he have a criminal record? Does he have a job? While I know it is extremely scary circumstance please step back and think about what a judge would think of this guy who has had NO involvement for what 15 months? As a side note the possible bfather in our situation probably is not even the bio father. I recently sent a pic to the bmom and she responded "oh, I recognize that smile the bfather is ____" Anyway, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and I used a mantra the day of TPR of "I want you, I need you, I love you" over and over just to get thru the day. Love and luck

Thank you for all your advice and comments. It really helps to talk to other that has been thought the same situation. After talking to some attorney's and a Judge that are friends of our family it has been explained that the paternity test will be granted and if it is determined this kid (he is 17) is the bio-father then it is up to him to contest the adoption. We have been told we have a 50-50 chance of keeping our son. I failed to mention this in my earlier post....the kid wants custody and or visitation. However, we are not even sure he is aware our son has been adopted. We think he is trying to get to the bmom and trying to keep a relationship with her. We found out they have had a rocky relationship in the past and there have been some restraining orders issued on both of them. Im sure if you are reading this post you are asking yourself why didn't we get the bio-fathers consent beforehand (we are asking ourselves that as well) A- Legally in our state (Arkansas) it is not required B- We were told the bio-father knew about the baby and wanted the bmom to abort C-We were told bio-father had moved to Texas and was not interested in the baby At any rate, the bio-father has not supported the birthmom financially, mentally, or otherwise and has not made contact with bmom in the last seven months. One other problem we have is he is a minor and his criminal records and drug history are sealed, at least that is what we have been told. We have gone through a failed adoption previously. The bmom had the baby and we were at the hospital when she delivered. We had the baby for 2 1/2 days and she refused not sign consent. I don't know if I can go through loosing another baby. The other thing that we have to live with is the fact that if we do lose our son he goes to a home with no mother and a "dad" that can barely take care of himself much less a baby. What happens when "dad" decides he doesnҒt want to parent any longer? Who takes care of the baby then? All of these scenarios go through our minds. Please keep my family in your prayers.

goodness hon so sorry! what a tremendous ordeal. you'll be in my prayers!!

My heart goes out to you. This is a tough place for you to be in. If this young man is indeed the biological father than yes, he can contest the adoption and yes, it is possible that he may retain parental rights. Since this child's birth mother has already terminated her rights, legally she has no say in the matter. Since she has terminated her rights, there would be no child support payments to her, he would either have to support the child 100% or voluntarily terminate his rights. The court will weigh many factors in whether to involuntarily sever his rights. It can be very difficult though as the goal of most courts is to keep the biological family intact if at all possible. Factors they will consider: His age Background/history - criminal, social, behavior towards Home environement Job Ability to parent and provide for this child THEY WILL consider bmom's wishes but technically she has no say If in fact he is the biological father and he is considering contesting, it would be in your best interests to understand exactly what this young man is interested in. In many cases, they just don't want to be thought of as cads, bad people, etc. In others they just want their child to know who they are - something that can be accomplished with semi-open or open adoption agreements. I would recommend at that juncture not taking an adversarial postion, rather approach with a trained third party to see if there's something you all can work out. Just a few thoughts, you're in my prayers. Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

stillwaiting, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. We are also going through something similar. I just wanted to amend Regina's post about the birthmother's rights (in that she has none). That varies by state, so I'm not sure Regina was posting about your particular state or not. In Colorado, although the birthmom signs consent, she does not relinquish her rights until the hearing when bio-dad relinquishes (or his rights are terminated.) That is what is saving us at this point. At least we know that if our son's bio-dad reclaims, then he will have a mom who is looking out for her son's best interest. We have gone through a bit of a rollercoaster in getting to know the bio-dad, but we have strong reason to believe now that he is not fit to single parent. Anyway, I don't know if that would help in your situation or not.

We went through a similar ordeal, needless to say after many, many months of waiting and anguish, dad paternity tested as was not the birth father. Please enjoy your sweet baby I know it is hard to not worry but we lost a lot of time worrying. It is so scary not knowing the future. Our potential bio dad was also someone that we would never want our baby with and that was one of the hardest things for us. THE JERK even went to court after the paternity test came back and said we brought the wrong baby! (He said the social worker was working under a conspiracy) Well, first off how would he know if we brought the wrong baby our son was almost two and he had never ever seen him!!!! Plus they take his picture at the time of the test. The judge told him to leave the court room and we were able finalize our adoption 3 months later! I agree with the last poster you may want to think of be-friending potential dad. If he is only intrested in bio mom he may leave the baby alone. If he does really care about the baby then maybe it will bring him peace to know he/she is safe, happy and loved. I 'm not sure what I would do. Every move counts. Nikki

Hello We are currently going through this exact problem. We took our son home from the hospital. The birth father sent a restraining order to stop the adoption, which we received 7 days after bring our son home. Then he did nothing for months. it was not until the child was about 3 months old that the father was ordered to have a DNA test results when they came back it took the birth father another month to file for visitation/custody. Birth father has a troubled home life and lives in an unstable environment himself. The entire pregnancy adoption was the option for both birth parents., birth father was never emotional or financially helpful during or after pregnancy. Our state has a law on willful abandonment. however, every time we bring it up we are told he could basically not do anything to take care of the child for 2 years and show back up. The laws are written to protect the birthfather. But where are the laws to protect our child. Visitations have now started including overnights. our son no longer sleeps through the night as serious attachment issues if i leave the room or put him down. NO one seems concerned with the psychological damage this is causing and again only worried about the birth father. Birth father home has history of substance abuse and domestic violence. There are also accusations of child abuse in the home ( put not one is allowed to get these records because it involves minors) well the minor is no longer a minor and is the one trying to bring this child into the same house this should be looked at|!!!! Sorry for my ramble but no one understands this feeling to be able to actually speak tou your friends, they just can't grasp the emotions that we feel through this process of never knowing what is going to happen. Your right what happens when he takes him home and then he cant take care of him what then, it is said that because he is the biofather he only has to meet the needs to basically keep the child alive, I say again where are the child's right in this mess does he not have the right to a home where he can thrive and not just simple exist!!!!!.