Pick-and-Choose Adoption Centers

As someone who used to be director of an animal shelter, and an adoptive mother, I have no problem with adoption being used as a metaphor for obtaining pets from an animal shelter. It is precisely _because_ that adoption is seen as permanent that humane organizations use adoption terms in describing the relationship between human and companion animal. Furthermore, there is historical precedence for such usage--the Humane Society of the United States was originally for the protection of animals and children. It is only relatively recently (1960s) that animal welfare and child welfare organizations split apart. For those reasons, and the fact that the adult adoptees with whom I've discussed this have no problem with adoption language being used in such a way, I continue to use such language.

As an adoptee and an adoptive Mom, the use of adoption terms for things like animals, roads, dolls etc. has never bothered me. In fact I never even considered that it might bother people before I first read about it on these boards. Growing up I "adopted" Cabbage Kids and pretty quickly discarded them. I NEVER equated this with the possibility that I might be discarded. I can see how kids growing up in foster care with the elusive "carrot" of adoption dangling in front of them might be bothered be these terms. I also have a lot of friends (6 close friends, 2 co-workers) who are adopted and when I first read about someones "disgust" at a store offering dolls for adoption, I discussed this with them. They all had the same reaction as I did, "What's the big deal?".......

I have seen so much anti-adoption bias of late that I am disturbed by the "adopt a highway" and "adopt a pet". People ignorant about adoption will say things like, "How could you give your child away" or "How could you adopt a child, you don't know what their background is? You're so brave" or my favorite, "Well, he doesn't get any inheritance, he's adopted" (That one happened to my friend and it was told to her by her sister-in-law) The problem is that it makes child adoption seem like a temporary sponsorship and to people who don't understand what it takes to adopt this can create a distorted image of adoption. It can also create a distorted image of adoption to a birthmother and can create needless guilt for years. I'm glad it hasn't bothered the two adoptees on this board, but remember that you are adults and this "adopt a something" is recent. Children seeing this now may see themselves as something that was bought or sponsored. It does concern me. I may not be right, but I am concerned.

I agree that the word adoption is used too much for too many different reasons. I am not happy to see all the adoption programs out there with the exception of the pet adoptions. I do look at that as a true adoption. I mean the purpose is to fine a permanent home for the animal with a family. At least in my state adoption of an animal is limited. THey do background checks, landlord checks, collect references as well as have you sign an agreement to allow them to visit to make sure placement is working. Of course it isn't as thourough as adopting a child but then maybe sometimes it should be. As many people now do look at their pets as family members as well as grieve for them as such that seems appropriate to me. How ever in most other cases it is a matter of sponsership and should be labled such. I do think the basis of the programs are a good idea but the wording should be different. Of course not everyone feels that way. talking with my four adopted children (who all were older when adopted) none of them have a problem with it. In fact my 14 year old's response was "what's the big deal its just a word" We will see how she feels in a few years.

Applying to Become an Adoptive Parent: Watch your child's excitement build as they apply to become an adoptive parent.. Once inside the Newborn Nursery their hands often tremble with the anticipation of holding their very own "baby." This is a quote from the brochure for "adopt a dolls" nursery stores that are popping up in malls all over the country. Walk in, get a baby, walk out. I have a couple of problems with this whole concept. 1) Nothing about adoption is that easy. I'm pretty sure my mom and dad were very excited, but I know they didn't pick me from rows of babies in a nursery. I also know I didn't just appear in a nursery for them to adopt, my other mother had to make a heartrending decision to do what she thought was right for me. 2) How many dolls did I have as a kid? LOTS and how many of them could I put my hand on right now? ONE Dolls come and go, unless it is that ONE favorite doll. Adoption is a permanent thing, it sickens me to see it marketed as a fun cute thing for the moment. Real babies grow up and become challenging toddlers, children and teenagers. We adopted people aren't static plastic people. 3) Although for adoptive parents there is alot of joy involved in adoption there is also grief before they get there. Sometimes for adopted people there is grief as well for whatever reason. There is also grief for first/birth parents as well. Making adoption about walking into a store and experience joy at purchasing a toy glosses over all the grief that can also come with adoption. I wish people would think long and hard before buying toys such as this for their children, it smacks of commercialism which is something that needs to be removed from the adoption arena completely.

There's an article about the new push to have these centers up and running for the holidays and what they'll be like.With National Adoption Awareness Month coming up, this might be an opportunity for advocacy by those who think this idea is sending the wrong messages about adoption.

I agree completely with your post! I am an adoptee, but I am trying to see this "newborn nursery adoption center" from all sides of the triad...As an adoptee growing up, I had tons of baby dolls that always came with a birth certificate (such as cabbage patch dolls) that you could fill in with your name as the parent, and the date you got it, but most of them already had names...it does kind of shape how you view adoption if you really think about it. As a little girl, you get this new doll for Christmas, birthday, whatever, and he/she already comes with a name, but on the birth certificate that comes with it, you get to fill in the "birth date" which was the date that you got the doll and your name as the parent...I can't remember exactly, but I don't think that the dolls I had actually listed it as "mother's name"; I think it was more like, "owner's name" or simply "your name"...But, with these dolls, it does mimic the system in that respect, you get a "fake" birth certificate for your doll...just like we adoptees get a "fake" bc after the adoption is finalized...The real problems come in when I look at it from the parents' side, bparents and aparents alike...Adoptive parents do NOT get to choose physical features of their baby, nor is there a guarantee of health, and sometimes, they don't even get to choose whether it is going to be a boy or girl - my friend just adopted a newborn, and the bmom wasn't sure if the baby was going to be a boy or girl, but no matter what the baby would be, they had to adopt him/her...Adoptive parents go through a long grueling process, and they don't get to pick which baby they want, or else everybody would pick one that looks like them...the official website for this shows the pictures of "adopting moms" with their "adopted babies" -- THEY ALL LOOK JUST LIKE THEM - this is a false portrayal of adoption!!!! Also, I cannot imagine what birth parents must think of this -- nowhere does it mention why these dolls are "up for adoption" - it must be assumed that they were not wanted...HOW UNTRUE!!! People don't just go to the hospital, look through the window, pick a baby, fill out some papers while the baby has a physical exam, then get handed the "adoption certificate" by the nurse...I AM DISGUSTED!!! This portrays to little girls a false view of adoption, and I will NEVER own a doll by this company...I am writing letters to the companies involved and letting them know that I am NOT happy - I am offended -- it seems that these companies must not know ANYTHING about the adoption process, or else they would not have even come up with this...I agree that a little girl simply filling out a form for a new baby doll will not hurt her, but going to a story to buy/adopt a doll in a place set up like a hospital will! Also, why do the little girls have to put on a hospital gown to get their baby and their picture taken? What is the point of that? To completely eliminate the birthmother/father??? I pray that it does not go this far with REAL adoptions - so that all questions of doubt may be removed by insecure adoptive parents that this child is actually theirs??? Then there would be no need to even tell a child that they are adopted, because in the aparents' minds, they aren't...Just some food for thought.