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I have just completely looked through each and every page of this forum (like some 1200+ pages) looking to see if there was anyone looking for either me specifically or siblings from the same birth parent and I came up empty handed.
Here is my situation:
I was born on November 17, 1975 and I was under 5 pounds when I was born so I had to stay in the hospital until I was big enough to send home. I was born at St Margaret's (now St Margaret Mercy North Campus) in Hammond, IN. I believe my name in the hospital was Baby XYZ. Shortly after coming home with my birth family I had to go back to the hospital because of a problem I had holding down food. It is a problem typically found in males, but leave it to me to break the stereotype. There was a blockage somewhere in my esophagus that had to be surgically repaired. Any information I have on my birth mother is sketchy at best. I think her name at that time was Kelly Ann Polehemus (spelled as I think I remember it sounding)and I believe she was a teenager when she gave birth to me. The adoption was a private one and the attorney's name was Jim Stankewicz. I had went to his office back when I was 16 for info and I wasn't given any documents, just information. My adoptive father had agreed. Both of my adoptive parents are now deceased. My adoptive mother Sandra Sue (Ingram) Rusk died in 1979 and my adoptive father, Charles Eugene Rusk died in 1999. I believe they were living in Highland IN at the time I was born. I was not talking to him when he passed away.
I never really pursued the information I had because I didn't feel like I was prepared. I still feel like I will never be fully prepared, but it is now or never. I have registered with ISRR and I will be registering with the state soon. In the meantime, if any of this sounds like it may be you or someone you know, please let me know. I would be perfectly content with simply finding out if I had any siblings, and if they and my ** is alright. So although contact would be wonderful, I would not be disappointed if it was denied, just knowing that she is out there is good enough. I would also like to find out who my biological father was. Again, same thing, if he does not want to be contacted, that is fine too.
Currently, I am married to a wonderful US Army PFC. We are stationed in Maryland. So if there is anyone who may be willing to help out in Indiana, your assistance would be most appreciated. My birthday is right around the corner and it would make it extremely memorable to find out that my birthfamily is still out there somewhere. :D
Also, having gone through that many posts, I would like to tell anyone that is looking to try to post at least the adoptees birthdate in the subject line, it makes searching a tad bit easier. Also, try to place as much information in your post as possible. No one can tell if they fit the puzzle if you don't give at least some information. DOB and place of birth if known, are VERY helpful. I tried to reply to any posts that I thought may be connected. I also replied to some posts that I thought I had some information for. So for those that are looking like I am, I wish you the best of luck and for those that will be helping me, I can't possibly thank you enough!
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Thanks for keeping us posted, Luna! :D
I also wanted to mention that just because you haven't heard back from your e-mails doesn't mean the addresses are bad. Janet and David might be the kind who don't check their mail every day.....or they might be on vacation......or they might even have opened the messages, and are trying to figure out how to proceed.....
Did you mention in your message anything about adoption? If so, there is a chance that David wasn't aware and might be trying to sort things out on his end. She would have only been 18 or 19 when they married....and from the sound of those postings on the Ancestry.com site, she must have just disappeared on him. This might (or might not) be painful for him.....or it might just be the key to making some sense of all of this for him, as well. If she had just placed a baby for adoption, and then gotten into a relationship with him, she might not have been suffering some emotional issues surrounding your relinquishment, causing her to flee?
I've also had the passing thought that perhaps David is your father??? I just kind of wondered since David's present wife is posting, looking for Kelley, too. Maybe they are looking for her to see if she knows anything about you......?
Everything about this is pure conjecture at this point....and as hard as it is to wait it out, you may have to give them some time to figure out what to do next.
Please keep us all posted, okay???
Hugs,
Sally
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Yeah, I must admit, I had thought about the possiblity of David being my father. That was one of the first ideas I had, to be honest. Yes, I did mention that I was adopted. I didn't quite know how to go about writing the email any other way. I added in the email that all this may sound really strange and that if I had someone else that was not the person I was looking to talk with to let me know. No news so far is good news right? I thought that the adoption thing may not have been something that they would have been expecting and it may take some time to figure out. You will be the 2nd person to know if this woman that he is looking for is the same woman I am looking for. (My husband will be the 1st)
Oh and I replied to the thread about the gent who was born in 1981. Said he has older sibs but is not aware of who what where or when as far as birth family is concerned.
I can't remember where I read it, but can adoption records be unsealed under the FOIA? If so, how does one go about using the FOIA to gather such information?
One more tidbit... I checked the SSDI just to see if I got a match for Kelley Anne Polhemus and I didn't return any whose birthdates were even vaguely correct for the information that I have. So I am guessing (at least for now) that she is not passed as of yet.
Sometimes mentioning adoption, up front, makes people uncomfortable -- especially if they are caught completely unaware. A good way to lay the ground work, in initial contacts of this nature is to say something like this:
Dear David,
My name is _________, and over the years, I've been conducting genealogical research in an attempt to put together some missing pieces of my history. Recently, I read a posting at Genealogy.com that has promted me to contact you.
The posting that I refer to is in regard your search for Kelley Anne Polhemus. I would very much like the opportunity to further discuss our mutual quest for whom I believe to be the same person.
Please contact me at your earliest convenience by e-mail, at this address, or if you prefer, by phone at ___________, or regular mail at _____________________________.
I appreciate your time and look forward to a mutual sharing of information.
Regards,
_____________
This way, you aren't mentioning adoption, but if the person you are contacting is aware that an adoption took place, they can surmise, on their own, what the nature of the contact is. Otherwise, they will just assume that you are researching basic ancestry, and might be more willing to make contact with you, than if they think they are getting involved in something "deep", if you know what I mean.
This approach is also good when sending a letter, blindly, to someone's home. Say for instance you believed David to be your father, but were unsure whether his wife and children were aware of your birth. Sending a letter of this nature is less threatening......if his wife or children happened to open it, they would not immediately discover something that David had not, to this point, shared with them -- and would give David a chance to gather his thoughts.
I don't know about unsealing records under the FOIA........it might apply in some states, but if I had to guess, I would say it doesn't fly in Indiana. Indiana is sealed up tighter than a drum and about the only way to get them to open a record is to go thru the intermediary program that we talked about before, or, in some cases, with an "extreme medical need".
My best advice, at this point, is to continue with the David and Janet connection -- even if they haven't located her, they might be able to provide you with names and addresses of her parents, siblings or extended family. While they might have lost contact over the years, at least David would have proper names so that we can proceed from there.
If Kelley just disappeared on him, there may be some hard feelings involved with her family, and they might not be willing to talk to David, but you are a different story.
Thanks for keeping me posted....hang in there! We are really close.........I can just feel it!
Hugs,
Sally
So do you think that I should go about sending this kind of letter to David? I already sent out the other to Janet. Having done what I did, I kinda feel like I shot myself in the foot, ya know. Not only did I not contact him directly, which I did because hers was the most recent posting, but I also mentioned adoption. AAAAGGGHHH!!!!! Well, I suppose there will be some information somewhere down the line. I wished I hadn't messed it up so badly though. :(
Well, I will wait a little longer before sending out another email in case they are not able to access the email, or they need time to process the information provided.
Honey, I wasn't saying that you messed things up -- heck, it's a crap shoot no matter how you approach things. You have no way of knowing how someone is going to react to something like this.....
Look at me -- I said and did all the right things and my birthmom just couldn't emotionally accept contact. It wouldn't have mattered in the slightest how I approached it!
I think you should try contacting David directly and since you have already sent something to Janet, I would just be as open and honest as you can be.........if you want help with wording things, let me know, and I would be happy to work with you!
Hugs,
Sally
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I knew you were not being accusational, I just kinda felt silly cause I figured that would prolly not be the best way to go about things, however, if you have a better way of emailing David, I sure could use some ideas, especially considering I have already emailed the woman who is possibly (pretty good chance of it though) his wife now, with no result. So, if you have some good ideas, I sure could use them!!! :D
Yeah, I pretty much think Janet is David's wife, as well. I would assume that since she is helping David in his quest to locate Kelley, she is open to the whole situation -- but there is a possibility that she didn't know that Kelley had a child in 1975! There is also a possibility that DAVID didn't know. If he isn't your birthfather and they didn't meet until after your relinquishment, she may have never shared the situation with him. Finding out might just shed some light on her behavior....making some sense to him with regard to her emotional state. He obviously wants to make contact with her -- presumably to help him find some closure. Again, tho, this is pure conjecture.....we won't know until you make contact with him.
It's hard to know what approach to take, since we don't know whether Janet received your message.....and if she
did , we don't know that she shared it with him. I DO think he SHOULD know that you mailed Janet, just in case she DIDN'T share it with him. It might open the lines of communication.
I think the best approach is to sort of use the formula above, and add a little to it........maybe something along the lines of:
Dear David,
My name is _________, and over the years, I've been conducting genealogical research in an attempt to put together some missing pieces of my history. Recently, I read a posting at Ancestry.com that has promted me to contact you.
The posting that I refer to is in regard your search for Kelley Anne Polhemus. I would very much like the opportunity to further discuss our mutual quest for whom I believe to be the same person.
I noticed a more recent posting at Genealogy.com by Janet Cochran -- also seeking Kelley on your behalf. I have e-mailed Janet, in my attempt to reach you regarding this very important manner, as well, and it is my hope that together, we can share information with one another and work toward the common goal it seems all have.
Please contact me at your earliest convenience by e-mail, at this address, or if you prefer, by phone at ___________, or regular mail at _____________________________.
I appreciate your time and look forward to a mutual sharing of information.
Regards,
_____________
This way, David is aware that you've attempted contact with Janet......he knows how you located them both......and he knows what your motives are --- to locate information on Kelley. If Janet has mentioned your e-mail to him, he will already know that you are Kelley's daughter. If she hasn't mentioned it to him, he will likely ask her if she's received it, and it might come out, then. One way or another, you will all be on the same page.
Let me know your thoughts.......I can come up with other approaches if you are not comfortable with this one!
Hugs,
Sally
No that was perfect! I have already sent the letter and now the waiting game begins anew. If this email attempt fails we shall try snail mail. Maybe that way I will get some results. Have I mentioned how much I have appreciated your help?? Cause if I haven't I want you to know that it is GREATLY appreciated!!!!!!!!!!
((((((((Sally)))))))))
:D
I have some new information... due to recent events (mentioned in the MUST READ thread...) I went digging through some of my adoptive mother's things and found that the day I was brought home (adoptive home) from the hospital was November 23rd 1975 and the adoption was finalized March 15th 1976. I was dedicated in Highland First Church of the Nazarene on December 21st, 1976. If any of this helps anyone, please let me know.
Thanks.
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Luna,
I dont know if we have any connection. I am an adoptee from Hammond too. My birthday is March 17 1982. I dont know much about my adoption but I was searching the forum and realized that we could be related! Let me know what you think! If no for any other reason, perhaps we could help each other...
I need some more information from you. Do you know who your Birthmom is? Do you know what hospital you were born in? Was you adoption handled through an attorney or an agency? If there is a connection there we can find it, and if not well, then we will walk away having possibly made a new friend, or at the very least maybe we have brough each other some knowledge that will aide us in our continueing search. Either contact me here or email me. I have switched my shift at work to fall in line with a promotion and I am trying my hardest to find time to get online often, but it is not nearly often enough, so if you happen to send me an email or post here and it takes a while for me to reply I am going to let you know I am sorry for any delays in replies but I am getting to them as often as I can.
I can't wait to hear back from you!
Its been a long time since I have gotten the change to post back on this forum. Lots has happened. I am now truly alone. The last member of my adopted family died last year, wool that I was close to anyway. I haven't had internet in that time frame and even now I only have it through my phone. I hope to have a regular convection as of this Christmas.
Never ever did get any replies from those old emails. Shirleyville if you are still on here, I appreciate all you did for me. I just wish the dead ends would end!
I have a new email address and if you will pm me, I will tell you some of the easiest ways to get in touch with me.
Shirley, any idea what tribe?
Its been a long time since I have gotten the change to post back on this forum. Lots has happened. I am now truly alone. The last member of my adopted family died last year, wool that I was close to anyway. I haven't had internet in that time frame and even now I only have it through my phone. I hope to have a regular convection as of this Christmas. Never ever did get any replies from those old emails. Shirleyville if you are still on here, I appreciate all you did for me. I just wish the dead ends would end! I have a new email address and if you will pm me, I will tell you some of the easiest ways to get in touch with me. Shirley, any idea what tribe?
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My name is Janet Cochran and you can reach me at jcochran91462@yahoo.com - my husband is David Cochran and I am thinking he would not be Lunasea's father since he did not graduate high school until 1977, they had not been dating long when they got married and the place he lived was not IN. I honestly don't know anything about Kelley/Kelly I was just hoping to find her so that he could put that chapter of his life to rest unfortunately he passed in 2016 but I have come across pictures of him and Kelley/Kelly if you want to see them and maybe give you some answers. I have come up empty handed over the years searching for her and it seems like she just dropped off the face of the earth. I will be happy to help in anyway I can but I don't know what info I can provide.
I am pretty excited, myself! :D I will be able to spend some time tonight helping you.....it's Saturday and I just got home from being out of town, but my husband usually goes to bed early on Saturday nights, so I will have free time!I am pretty conviced that this is the right Kelley Anne Polhemus....I mean really -- how many Kelley Anne Polhemus's can there be , ya know??? :D It all fits....all the little pieces fit.......I will e-mail you with the address you provided in the PM later tonight, and we'll put our heads together. You mentioned that you think Janet's e-mail might still be valid........I know you already mailed her, but I would like very much to help you with a follow up e-mail -- I am pretty good with words.......I will mail you tonight! I have to head out to help my husband for awhile since I've been gone!Excited Hugs,Sally