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Are they necessary? Do adopting parents need to learn how to parent? If love were the only requirement for being a good parent, the answer would be almost always be "no" but, as we all know, love isn't always enough not in biological families, and not in adoptive families. Changes in adoption and in family life more generally have spurred the growth of pre-adoption parenting classes outside the agency venue to meet new needs. Certainly, some agencies offer their clients much more than just education about the process, but it often falls to other groups to equip parents with skills they will need to meet a variety of challenges. Much like childbirth preparation classes, the focus is on the prospective parents' transition to parenthood. Classes can include basic baby-parenting skills (diaper changes, formula preparation, etc.), parenting solo, parenting a child with different abilities, different ethnic or cultural heritage, parenting within the "adoption triad," and more. Experienced adoptive parents and adoption experts agree that the best way to assure a successful move to adoptive parenting is to have as much information and as many coping skills as possible, and they encourage prospective adoptive parents to take advantage of every educational opportunity possible. Of course, some don't take this advice. Not long ago, I was reading the story of a couple's international adoption journey. Describing the time in the hotel with their son while they awaited processing of visas and court appearances, the authors wrote that tensions and frustrations (that originated with delays and documentation mix-ups) mounted as they tried to change diapers ֖ something they didn't know how to do. The frustration escalated to a shouting match between husband and wife, and I thought how sad and unnecessary it was that their first hours alone with their son may have scared him and certainly did nothing to promote bonding. The need for more and different types of pre-adoption education has been the focus of new opportunities and approaches to traditional learning, including:- Adoptive parent support group-sponsored classes, like the "Baby Care for Adoptive Parents," - programs offered by local independent educators.Myrna Mills, Certified Instructor, Mentor, and Doula at Life Center of the Poconos, teaches a class called "Expectant Parents Thru Adoption." She says, "Because of the inherent differences in extending a family through adoption, potential adoptive parents are given techniques to help them and their families embrace the transition to parenting and the adoption triad with confidence and love. We present the adoption process as a rite of passage, not just as papers, numbers, and waiting. "Clients develop the skills to stay focused on making this the most positive experience it can be (whether domestic, international, closed, or open adoption), but we don't narrow our vision only to the positives. All too often, people believe they will adopt the perfect child, the process will go smoothly, and the adjustment in the family will be seamless. Not many are prepared for the possibility of attachment issues, lost paperwork and delays, or discrimination from within the family itself."Those adopting through the U.S. foster care system are required to take some classes as part of their homestudy process, and while some private agencies are adding this requirement, many agencies and attorneys do not require adoptive parent preparation classes. Should parenting classes be a requirement?
Last update on May 1, 1:09 pm by Miriam Gwilliam.
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I'd say the example of the couple fighting in the hotel was more of a stress-management issue than a parenting issue. I'm sure everyone in the whole world would benefit from stress and anger management classes.
I don't think a parenting-class requirement would be good if it meant another delay toward being ready to start waiting. If it was something that could be done while waiting, then it would be okay to have it be a 'requirement'.
In foster care there is a requirement for a certain number of hours per year of training, and I like that it doesn't have to be classroom training. I fulfilled my eduction requirement this past year by reading books and listening to audio tapes. I just don't have time to be taking classes, especially when I have a child placed with me. I can't imagine how I would have found the time for going to training. Listening to audio tapes during my commute was perfect for my schedule.
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I think if you are adopting from foster care, yes classes are a great idea. The classes I took had nothing to do with basic childcare it was about what to expect, how to deal with loss, grief, and survival behavior. I would have had unrealistic expectations about adopting a child of any age from fostercare without being properly educated. My husband and I are grateful for the classes we took because it help prepare us to parent our newly placed 2 year old little girl from fostercare and our 2 year old son already in the home. I now realize whatever age child you plan to adopt preparation for the changes to come is a wise investment of one's time. Yes it does prolong the wait, in our case by a few months. It is only now I can appreciate all 27 hours of my required class. I refer to my training every day now, because my little toddler is grieving her previous caregivers. It is only because of this training I am able not to take this behavior personally and help her through her loss.
I find it very off-putting, actually, that my husband and I, who have two kids, one 13, one six (the second one has autism), are required to take a class in diapering.
We were getting close to adopting another child, but everywhere we applied, they required hours and hours and hours of Parenting 101! A brief refresher would have been fine, but we really do know how to parent a special needs kid. We have one. It was a deal-breaker for my husband.
I am still finding it hard to accept this. I mean, couldn't they come to our house, meet our kids, and figure out that we are good parents? I am willing, nay eager, to take classes that pertain to the situation of adopting an older special needs child, which is what we want to do, but diapering? Please. Our six-year old just recently got OUT of diapers.
That one we have down.
Really tough . . .
I was glad to see this discussion! Today I just finished my certification to become a childbirth/parenting educator. I am a labor and delivery nurse. My husband and I are just finishing our homestudy and are so excited about adoption and looking forward to adopting a newborn/infant.
What struck me today in my certification class is just how many parenting classes there are for people who are pregnant and how much newborn care that is given to prospective parents at the hospital. But what about parents adopting? Yes there are quite a few classes for parents getting ready to adopt but many of them focus on issues surrounding adoption.
What about the people who are adopting that do not have other children? This will be husband's and my first child -- I am comfortable with caring for a baby because that is what I do for a living. I remember a neighbor who adopted an infant from Korea. I said that day her daughter came home with her must have been the greatest day of her life. She said it was actually the worst day ever. She said that she had no idea what to do with a baby and said she was miserable for weeks.
Although I don't think it should be a requirement for adoption, God knows there are already a lot of classes, etc that have to be taken, I just think that there really should be more classes (especially hands on) available.
If I were interested in taking a parenting class I would certainly not be comfortable taking them with people who are pregnant -- yes parenting a newborn/infant/baby is just about the same, but there are different issues that should be covered in either group.
I am interested in knowing whether there are a lot of parenting classes for people adopting? What type of classes are offered in your area? If you have attended classes what did you like or dislike
Since you work in the medical field, I would suggest talking to local pediatricians and see if they can give you a heads up.
I would imagine that any parenting class that you go to would either be with people who are pregnant or just recently adopted or had their baby.
Why would it make you uncomfortable to take the classes with pregnant women?
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We're adopting through foster care and I would love to see more specific types of training, i.e., RAD, ADHD, Obsessive behaviors. These are touched upon in the MAPP classes but not gone into thoroughly enough. I do know these types of trainings are available somewhere, our workers just aren't very good at letting people know when and where in a timely manner (i.e., I've gotten fliers about training that took place a weekend before I received it).
I've asked a worker for a video on obsessive behaviors as I now have a 15 y/o with this, that was 3 months ago and, despite asking repeatedly, still don't have it. I'm going to have to figure out how to get my hands on one on my own. I have 3 babies aged 1, 2, 3, my dh works nights (when training takes place) so it's very difficult for me to attend even if I was informed of the available training LOL.
I have to agree with the other person that said that those of us that have children already should not be required to take parenting classes that focus on changing diapers, bathing babies, etc. I think that type of class should be available for those that feel they need it.
BrandyHagz - Maybe uncomfortable may be harsher than what I was trying to convey.
Many parenting classes are for new parents prior to delivering their baby and much of the discussions revolve around post partum care for the mom and care for the newborn. I would imagine it would not be comfortable or interesting for those that are not post partum to be a part of that class. Quite frankly if it is a class that someone has to pay for I would think that they would not really be happy to be paying to hear about caring for oneself after delivering a baby when they did not infact just deliver a baby.
Anyone that has attended a parenting class what was it like?
L-A-J-C-R-C - you should check with your area hospital or medical practitioner. Many of the hospitals have educators that teach their staff and may have videos that they can share with you.
Like my user names indicates: Both my husband and I are first time parents to a daughter we adopted out of foster care when she was 12. She's now 13 and we've essentially gone through he** trying to keep her safe, work our full-time jobs, provide individual and family therapy and learn how to parent a child who behaves like a 6, 12, 18 year old all in a matter of minutes. Being first time parents we weren't experienced at disciplining or implementing house rules and were entirely too lenient and unstructured most of her first year with us.
Because she was in foster care only 3 months when she came to us, she is not classified Behavioral and now is usually behaving like an average teenager (ugh!). In the beginning, we were unprepared to cope with the arguing, disrespect, refusal to cooperate, refusal to obey rules and total chaos she managed to create every day. Nor did we have a network to turn to regarding her actions (anyone experienced with adopting or fostering teenagers) as our classmates were interested in younger children (so were we but it didn't happen).
Only after she ran away with her 15 yr old boyfriend did I start connecting with others who could help or empathize. We then got daily crisis counseling, took the Behavioral Foster parent training, found a Love and Logic class and started connecting with other parents of older adopted or foster kids.
Although I've read dozens and dozens of books on all kinds of parenting and adoption topics, the best help is meeting others who are in similar situations. We don't have any nearby support group meetings so training is usually the best option.
While things are slowly (very slowly!) getting better, we're still dealing with some crisis or chaos weekly. We are stressed to the max emotionally, physically and financially and find it hard to maintain our spirits.
I've probably rambled some but I strongly believe the Behavioral and Career foster care training should be available to anyone who can attend - these kids aren't tested or screened before they're put in a home and you're expected to deal with whatever happens.