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My son was born in January Every year for about a month before and a month after his Birthday, I get all weepy and cranky. Does anyone else experience this phenomena? Is there any "cure"?
[Edited to remove the birthdate of a minor]
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My son's 1st birthday is approaching and I'm getting worried how this will affect me.
I did decide to parent, he left the hospital with the PAP and I brought him home after 2 weeks.
I'm worried his birthday will spark the hard time I had at the hospital and all the pain. I want his birthday to be a joyful time. His birth wasn't joyful for me though, it meant he wasn't with me anymore. (Honestly, I would have stay pregnant forever, I didn't want "the day" to come.)
I'm think we are going to have a party on his B-day, this may help. But, I also want to celebrate the day he came home to me and his brothers. This day is a happier day for me than his B-day.
I'm sure as the years go on his B-day will become easier.
I know I'll be thinking of the PAPs on this day too. I'm sure they will be reflecting on what happened 1 yr agao and how they lost the son they thought they were going to have.
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Yes, when my son's Birthday comes around each year I do cry, but I also make a cake and light a Birthday Candle in memory of his Birthday. I then blow out the candle and make a wish that he is having a very Special Birthday and that we will someday get the opporotunity to meet once again!
interesting topicYES i cried every birthdayi remember the one birthday i was playing piano in church i could hardly control my tearsi had to pause and go downstairs and have a good cry:hissy:the pastors wife came down and asked if i was okso i spilled the beans and told her my storyshe just held me :grouphug:and said she would help me in any way to get a picture to me....btw....shes an adoptive mom which i thought was neat i needed compassion at that timebut yes crying was a common thing over the years
yep - perfectly normal - Unfortunately like me and the oher ladies, adoption has caused us to forever mourne the passing of a relationship with our children ... and while we may try to be strong each day of the year (if possible at all), it seems that on our children's birthdays we have no choice but to just "fall apart" - it's call an Anniversary Reaction!! I too have learned only to embrace my pain on my duaghter's birthday, and allow myself time off on that day. Adoption has left an indelibly scar onour souls, and unfortunately the Anniversary Recation is just an example of the number of times through out the year that our perpetual mourning undermines our productivity. Wish I could say otherwise, but I myself have resolved myself to the understanding that there is "no cure" - in sisterhood, Fallen Child
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Wow, I cried reading everyones response. I can only hope that someone truly misses me that much! Don't get me wrong my aparents are the greatest, but there is always a void and it has only grown more as I have had my own kids. I'm so afraid of rejection, that I can only dream that she would be like one of you wanting and waiting.........Sommer
I just read through these posts and it sure was comforting to me. I am an adoptee and just had my 38th birthday on Thursday. For me, my birthday has always been somethiing of a mystery which has always made me feel sad and empty. I had always wondered if my bmom ever thinks of me on my birthday or even remembers when my birthday is. These feelings just seem to get stronger and stronger every year as I get older. Reading your posts, I can only hope that my bmom shares the feelings those that have posted had. That would mean that she cares and thinks about me.
I started searching a couple of months ago and was crazy enough to hope to have a name and contact information that I could use on my birthday - no such luck.
I would like to let you bmoms know that chances are your bchild is also thinking of you their birthday. I hope that brings some comfort to you all.
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yes, i always cry. i've learned from years of experience to give myself around 1-2 weeks near/on her birthday to be sad and think of her.
my first boyfriend after i relinquished started a tradition that has helped me: he made her a birthday cake and we had a little party for her. some years it included other family members, different boyfriends, my husband, and sometimes it was just me. but evey year she had a cake (which I ate) and there were candles...it's just a way for me to honor the truth that i did in fact give birth and that i loved my bchild no matter where she was.
best of luck to you, birthdays & mother's day are the hardest for me, and it's been 22 years!
I don't often get depressed or cry around my son's b-day, but I ALWAYS think about him, not so much in a sad way, but maybe a little bittersweet. I usually just wonder what he is doing, how he is feeling, reflect on his age, perhaps, and send good wishes his way, but recently I began actually celebrating like djvj, with a candle, cake or a small toast to him. It never really occurred to me that I could still celebrate his birthday, even though he wasn't with me, until I heard another bmom say she did this. I thought it was such a lovely way to honor her daughter that I started doing it for my son.
I have a question for those of you that are reunited with your children..... Have you told them how you have spent their birthdays in past years without them? Have they asked or have you just told them....those who have told? The reason I ask these questions is... I have been reunited 2 1/2 years with my birth parents. My first birthday after our initial contact was about 6 weeks. My birthmother sent me a bday card which arrived on my birthday. I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. Then the next year (2nd bday with them) she called me at the time of my birth and we talked for nearly an hour. They had also sent a beautiful flower arrangement. She hadnt remembered the time of my birth until I had given her a copy of my OBC a few months before. Then last year (3rd bday with them) she didnt call me. They were on an extended vacation for the winter. So feeling upset and wanting to talk with her I called her. She didnt seem surprised I called but when she gave the phone to my birthfather for me to talk with him she said to him... Its Tracy and its her bday. I have not talked about how I felt that day but it makes me wonder what is in store for further bdays. I have also let them know how much I would like to be with them on my bday but that hasnt come up again either. She has told me numerous times that she has always thought of me and I have no doubt about that but I often wonder what my bdays were like for her ......for them knowing they have been together since I was 6 years old. I want to say more.....to know more but dont want to push the issue if it would be out of line for me to do that. Any thoughts or suggestions on how I can get through the wondering and concern for their well being with this?
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When my Son's Birthday comes around every November, I ball like a big baby!! Once I am able to pull myself together, I then sing happy birthday to him and put a candle on a cupcake and blow it out, hoping that someday we reunite!!! Crying does help, it releases alot of emotions so I can get through the day!! Hugs - Annette
I was born on Sept 3rd. I have had wonderful birthdays with my adoptive family. Like the time my family was about 2-3 hours away camping, and they showed up with my favorite birthday cake. But I still wonder If my bmom has ever done the things that you women speak of. Maybe this Sept I will have both moms to celebrate with. Or maybe this is just to much to expect.
Deb