Adopted son has been sexually attracted to adopted mom

Not sure what he's diagnosed with but this is a mental healthy issue. It could be related to early sexual abuse(all people react differently to being violated in this manner). At 19, if he's going to live with you, he needs clear boundaries, he needs to allow you to share these incidents with his therapist(even if the therapist tells you nothing back as he is an adult), and there needs to be a set line that if he crosses he goes. Put a key lock on your bedroom to lock him out when your not home and you in when your sleeping. I'd also recommend you take a look at [url]www.radzebra.org[/url]

Hi Dawnzlight I agree completely with Lucyjoy. Report the incidents, take safeguarding steps at home, and set absolute limits. A one-time act by an eight year old could be dismissed as the actions of a child who saw too much too soon, but for repeated incidents to be occurring in late or post-adolescence is definitely a mental health issue. We dealt with similar problems with the son we adopted when he was 12.(He had been in our home since age nine as a foster child). His interest was in our five-year old daughter. We (family and counselor) tried to deal with the first incident as an aberration set up by his early childhood experiences, but when there was a second incident we removed him from our home for over a year and changed the focus of the counseling. Though we made it through those times, his mental health issues continue to this day. He is 37 now. We continue to try to find help for him, but living in our home is not an option. The emotional health of the rest of the family matters, too! God bless you as you continue to search for what is the best for you and your family. Rich

We'll he's technically an adult so have a talk with him and set some absolute limits and consequences and then follow through. It's more difficult with a child that needs a guardian but at 19 he's his own man.

Yah.. I totally agree with Lucyjoy and Dawnzlight.. I think I actually heard this in Health class... or bio i forget.. but its probably not a part of adoption...(I'm 16..and I'm adopted)

Thanks for your suggestions and encouragement. We have restated boundaries and rules here, as well as expectations. Also have told him he needs to find a place to live other than here. He is finally working so that is taking up some of his idle time, but he knows we are serious about him moving to another place....just timing... holidays... getting the help to move to another place will probably have to wait til after the New year to get the paperwork started. He has no where else to go and no money to be independent somewhere on his own. Have a happy New year folks.. Dawn

Dawn, I agree with what Lucyjoy said about locking yourself IN while your sleeping, definatly. Especially since he knows that after the New Year he needs to find another place to live. I don't know him, or what he is capable of either, but now that he may realize his days are numbered there at your home, he might totally snap. I don't mean to frighten you or anything, but I just want you to be very careful. Take care and I wish the best for you in this situation. Julie

Hi, I am new this forum. My husband and I have 5 children. We have 3 biological sons. We also adopted a sibling group from Ukraine. Maryna and Valeara. We have had Maryna since she was 7 and she is now 14 and we adopted her brother a year later. He was five when we adopted him and he just turned 12. Just this past December, he started coming on to me in a sexually manner. ( kisses with very suggestive hugs). My husband and I had a talk with him and he admitted that he liked touching me especially by "butt". We explained the inappropriateness of this and had a long talk with him about love for a mother versus other love. I felt the issue was closed. Not so... just recently he started again, this time he would come into the room I was in and would sit and look nervous, after a few minutes he would come up and say "I love you, mom" and hug me very tight. This happens about every 20 to 30 minutes in an evening. If I am laying on the couch, he will kiss me on the cheeck and then climb on top of me and hug me. I have pushed him off. I have told him a kiss is just fine....saying, why are you lurking around me?? To joking with him.... like....what did you do wrong or what do you want. He will answer.... nothing,... I just love you. This just started... he has never really been this demonstrative with his affections. This has got me very nervous and I do not know what to do. I have made calls for counseling. Is it possible that he has been sexually molested while in the orphanage? His sister is very normal and loving. He is also ADHD. He had been on Concerta for about 2 years and ritalin before that. I took him off the medication before Christmas because he had a violent reaction to it. Paranoia and depression along with violent behavior. I spoke with his doctor... once off the medication he was his usual happy self again. I can't find anything on the internet on this. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. katie

I have not experience this but I wanted to encourage you to get counseling for your son as soon as possible. I'm concerned for your daughter if he has come on to mom he will more then likely to her. Talk to her let her know your concern for your son and tell her to tell you if he makes her uncomfortable in any way. Hyper vigilance is required until your able to get to the bottom of this. When he is at school I think a good search of his room and computer would be wise. Sorry I don't want to scare you but better safe than sorry.

this behavior is most likely due to the child most likely being sexually abused at a younger age.....They did not get treatment, or very good treatment to help deal with the abuse...it has little or nothing to do with you being a hot momma or the adoptive family not being a real family, etc.... as I think some people feel.Establish boundaries, get the 19 year old out of your house, they have places for adults with severe mental problems to live....The younger kid, find someone to evaluate him for sexual abuse treatment...set some major limits like what you and your daught wear around the house, watch TV, monitor music and movies, etc.... watch out for his friends, try and get some positive socailization going for him.....send home the message NOT ME, NOT EVER......the same thing happens in bio only families where children have been the victims of abuse...

I just spent 1 hour typing a huge long reply based on my own experience and college degree, to now find out that it didn't go through. Arggg! Does this happen often?

I know this is an Old Post, but I'm hoping maybe someone will see this and help me. We adopted our son when he was nine, and he was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 6 years ago. He told me about that time that he thought of me more than his mother. He is jealous of my husband, which scares us both. Last week he wrote me some very graphic things that he would like to do to me. Not only is this inappropriate, which I told him, but it really messed me up when I was trying to be intimate with my husband. I told him that we need to go to counseling to deal with this, but he told me no. I have not told my husband about the graphic things. He does know how my son feels though. He is 32 years old, and still lives with us because of his mental illness. Currently my husband and I are living in St Thomas US Virgin Islands because of a job opportunity. But I do go home once a month to check on him and make sure he received his injection. He has never touched me inappropriately or anything, but this is the first time that he has said these graphic things to me. Any help or suggestions from other people who have dealt with this would be much appreciated. Thank you

I know this is an old post. My situation is a lot like yours and I am very interested to know what type treatments and success rates. Ok... I have searched this web site and all over the net..and cannot FIND any info on this...we adopted our son when he was 8.. Had a incident when he was 9ish.. where he was pretending to be sleeping on the sofa w/ me.. the adopted mom..and I fell asleep, and woke up to him grinding his hips up against my body... That never happened again. .had a conversation about sex, feelings, made it non judgemental..etc..However.. as he got older, the fantasies seemed to grow.. amongst other things, he became very violent at 13..tried to kill me.. So we have had a love hate relationship on his part.. extremes..yes to counseling and all the rest.. He has recently moved back home..he is 19.. had been kicked out of my sisters house when he was 17 for drawing fantasy pictures of himself and my sister in sexual scenes.... and I have in the past found my underwear in his dresser... We let him move back home.. he seemed to be different this time, more proactive w/ his mental health issues..etc.. taking meds.. Not. Faked suicide just because he needed a roof.Came home yesterday to find that he had been rummaging thru my personal effects in my bedroom and god knows what else he was doing in there as well.... Denied it..but he left obvious clues that he was in there.. so its like he wanted to be found out.Is this something that happens more frequently than is talked about? OR is his behavior not even a part of the adoption process..and may be just particular to him and his mental health issues? Or even a combo.I just want to know am I alone? I am very upset.. and hate this feeling .. like I am being raped in my own home.Dawn[/quote]