How do I find my birthfather if he doesn't know I exist?

Assuming you had a "traditional" closed adoption then you probably don't have any LEGAL right to know either of your birthparents. (Under extenuating circumstances the court can order the records to be unsealed but that involves petitioning the court with a good cause - such as a life and death issue) I know when I was adopted (in 1962) the birthmother could simply say "father unknown" and that was that. There wasn't necessarily any record of the birthfather anywhere in the records. So your best bet to find him would be to get her to tell you who he is. Not easy if she won't talk to you! Have you tried sending her a letter? Tell her that you don't have any intention of interfering in her life in any way, but you really need some family medical history for yourself andyour children (or future children!) If you are willing to keep the promise, then by all means promise her that you will make no further contact if she will provide you with this information INCLUDING the name of your birthfather so you can get the family history from his side as well. Don't be surprised if she refuses to name him. There could be any number of reasons including the possiblities that she really doesn't know; that it was a violent encounter; that she doesn't want him to know about you, etc. If you do manage to find out who he is and you are able to track him down, then go for it. I contacted my own birthfather who also had no clue I was ever born. 39 years later he found out he had a daughter! (We even did a DNA test to confirm it) Tell us a little more about your story. What year were you born? Was it a closed adoption? How did you find your birthmother?

Hi, I agree with the last post. You should try a letter. It will give her time to think about it and respond in her own way and in her own time. Stress that you just want information and are not looking to begin a relationship (of course, leave the door open if you are!). Also, I wonder, if you don't get anywhere with your bmom, are there any other brelatives who might be willing to give you information? And do you have your non-id? Mine gave me some good info about my bdad, although I understand that's not the case with everyone. Good luck!

Keep your head up hun, you still have a ton of options. However, as said before, not really legal options. Legally, we don't have many rights at all! :mad: I would do, as others have said, is send bmom a letter. Keep it open for future contact. But stress that you NEED mediacal as well as heritage information. Maybe tell her you will re contact her in a month if you do not get a response from her before then. Ask what ever you need to ask (I say this as I have had to send letters and regret not asking everything that I want answers to) like do you have other birth relatives, medical problems......... Keep the door open, even with her trying to close it right now. GREENHORN: Congrats!!! This is huge new news for you huh? Hope everything goes well. I also hope that you will continue to post during your reunion as birth fathers, well I enjoy hearing your side as well!! Wendy