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Hi, We usually take drug-exposed newborns as foster placements, but got a call and received this 4 month old baby girl 3 days ago. She is beautiful and healthy but was removed due to domestic violence between her mother and father. She appears to have been well-fed and taken care of. My heart is just breaking because she is going thru loss and grief and I feel ill-equipped to help her. She screams and can be inconsolable at times. We try to hold her and comfort her, but she angrily pushes us away.
Here's what we've tried: rocking, talking in soft comforting voices, playing soft music, letting her snuggle in bed with us in the middle of the night, lots of holding and cuddling.
Any other suggestions? TIA! Rocking Mama
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Awww, you are doing the right thing. That poor angel. It sounds like she is in good care though. My youngest was placed with us as a foster when he was 5 1/2 mo. and he was the same way (not that he didn't have some breaks of happiness at times). He had also started teething more than a month prior and got his first tooth shortly after placement on top of the grieving. So I can relate to the feeling helpless. No matter how good of job you do with her, it will take some time for her to adjust. Keep praying over her. Keep up the good work as you ARE helping her :).
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I think you are doing a great job.
You may also want to bring her to the doctor and make sure she is healthy and not suffering from and ear infection/teething/gas/colic etc.
I would definatley continue everything you are doing. I don't believe you can spoil a baby. i would pick her up promptly when ever she cries...so she can build a bond with you and begin to trust you to care for her needs.
When you bottle feed her cradle her towards you so you can look at each other while she eats...gently touch her face and hair...speak softly to her....let her know you care about her and that you understand her loss and pain...she may be just a baby but she will pick up on your care and concern.
You can carry her around in a sling/baby carrier, or hold her a lot...
Soon she will learn to trust and depend on you and she will bond to you as she did to her mother.
Depending on how long you have her you may even find in the future that she has bonded to you so weel that she may have seperation anxiety when sh'e not with you....even when she is with her mother. That is not only difficult for you and the baby it will be extra difficult for her mother to see the bond you have developed so you should be extra sensitive to her feeling...during her visits.
My 2 year old went through that for the longest time...I know it was very difficult on her mother...and we tired to do things to help make the transition easier for all of us involved...during the visits.
I know it is hard now...as you feel so helpless in comforting her...but she will soon gladly cling to you....and it won't take long...just keep up the good work.
Baby is doing much better. We have many more hours of happy smiles and coos than crying now----YAY!!
She had a thorough physical at the hospital when she was removed right before she joined us, so I believe she is still healthy.
She had her 1st visit with mom and grandma today. Part of the reason she was so out-of-whack was that she was up most of the night while they partied and we SLEEP at night in our house. Getting her schedule turned around may take some doing!!!
Anyway, we are making progress and I think peace is right around the corner!
I really appreciate being able to post here for support!!!