new placement???? ADVICE PLEASE

I have been a foster parent for 8 years and at one time we turned down a sibling group of 5. We already had 2 of them in our home. I will always regret doing this and I hate to see you do the same. It sounds like they are the perfect ages to fit in with yours. I would jump at the chance if I were you and forget about fostering anymore. If another family decides to take the other three, there is a chance that they will also move the one that you have. I bet these children could be yours forever if you are interested. Just think, no more case workers, that should be enough to decide right there. ;)

I probably shouldn't even be posting her because I know almost NOTHING about foster care but I did have four kids under the age of four. It was completely doable. The only thing I thought of to share is IF you are the sort of person that likes to go out with your kids like McDonalds, the park, playgroups etc. Even the kid oriented stuff becomes really tough with that many so young. It was even scary for me sometmes because they would all take off in different directions. When we would get in and out of the car it looked like a police hold up because I would make all the kids keep both hands on the car while I put each into their car seats. So if you can live with sticking close to home for a while - invote your friends over, keep lots of fun snacks etc - the kids do much better and it helps with your sanity. And try to set something up where you can get out of the house by yourself once in a while. I really enjoyed it. It was like a preschool in my house. We did lots of fun things together and with everyone being so close in age they enjoyed the same stuff. You'll probably get help from people much more experienced than I am on these boards, your post just brought back some memories. Good luck - I'll be thinking of you!! Martha

Wow! All under 4? We also have 5 children and it really isnt that hard. I would say that one of the positives is that your children will have their siblings with them to help adjust to a new home. Make sure you have a support system, and preferrably not all family. Set up times for you to get away. I know that this can be hard, but even an hour walk with my husband helps to regroup us. We are from ND and really have no post adopt services. We have set up an informal playdate/respite families for our children and they love it. One day a week we take their 4 year old adopt, and the next our 4 yr. old adopt goes there for a play date. It is fun to hear the 4 year olds talk and make commets to each other about being adopted. It has been very beneficial for both of the girls. My only complaint is that my butt has taken the shape of my car seat from being in it so much! :p I hope it works for you, what a blessing you have been presented with.

Hi, Wow, someone as "nutso" as me, LOL!!! My foster dau J is the youngest of 4 girls, all 5 and under. We have her and another fost/adopt home has the older 3. We have become very close with this other family and get the girls together at least once a week. We live about an hour and a half away from each other, so I know the "butt shaped as a car seat" issue! LOL!! But, if for some reason they could not keep the other 3, I would take them in a heart beat. They are wonderful little girls who have been to heck and back. We were first offered all 4 girls, but I was just starting out as a foster parent and could not imagine it. Now I am a little disappointed and sad for J that she won't be living with her sibs. The older 3 have major issues, where J was just 3 months when we got her nearly a year ago. SW's all felt it best to separate the baby from the others and so that's how that happened. If you can get enough help and supports lined up, and both you and hubby are in agreement, I would say go for it! What a gift for those sibs to be all together!! Good luck and blessings to you, Vickie

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. We have decided to do it. The transition time starts this weekend and they move in early July. However, one of our old foster kids may be back in the system soon. they are investigating mom right now and if they lock her up then we will be called to take the baby back. So, now the decision got bigger....do we take her too? That will be 6 under the age of 5!!!!!! 4 mths, 10 mths, 2, 3, 4 and almost 5. I can not see not taking her but I also can not see 6 kids. Wow! what a life!!! ANd, the kid's dad's wife is pregnant so that baby wil be taken at birth if he does not have these kids back by then (and he won't). So, we have first chance at that baby too!!!!!! Does it ever stop? How do you learn to say no when you want to save them all? Dawn

Your post made my day better. You are wonderful and will have a great family. When do they move in? In answer to your questions - Does it ever stop? - no. How do you learn to say no when you want to save them all? - Its tough, but you just know. There comes a point where you aren't saving them anymore because you have too much on your plate. Thats when you say no. You will know when you have reached that point. Good luck to you and how exciting!!!!

Congratulations! I see myself ending up in your situation one day so I feel your pain and your joy. God never gives you more than you can handle, DFS is a different story :) My laundry basket tells me when enough is enough. LOL

Wow, you really are an amazing person and I will definatly be thinking about you and praying for you and your hopefully soon to be children. I would love to start doing foster care and hope that I am blessed (and lol challenged) with the amazing gift of these children who need so much to be loved and cared for. Just remember that anything you do for these children will drastically change their lives for the better so in my opinion take as much as you can handle and always remember you are an amazing person and you really are changing and saving the lives of these children. Good luck and God Bless

How many empty seats I have in my car tells me when to stop! LOL I have a 14 year old, two 5 year olds & two 2 year olds. When they called me with a sibling group of 3 last week (ages 6, 3 & 3 months) I had to say no because I can't fit 3 more in my Expedition! LOL If they would have offered me 2 I would have taken them in a minute. THat's how I decide when I can't take any more! LOL

We've adopted 3 within a years time....and one we are fostring and hoping to adopt. Our kids ages right now are 5,3,14 months and 7 moonths. At one time I did have 6 kids under the age of 5 as well, 3 of them under a year old. People would always ask me how I did it...honestly..I don't know. Yes, sometimes I felt overwhelmed....but those were times you could say....ok..time for everyone to take a nap....or for Dad to take over. You get into certian routines and they just seem to work. Having a double stroller worked well for me. I could fit 2 small babies side by side in the back and my older baby in the front and the other 3 would just old onto the stroller while we walked. Or I would hold one baby in a snugli/backpack and one in a sling in the front. We are a busy family and go places every day...yes things take a little longer...and getting everyone in and out of the carseats can be a pain...but you just develope your own rythem for doing things and it all works out. Just keep your van loaded with diapers, wipes, extra clothes bottles and drinks and snacks...just reload you bag whenever it gets low...and your ready to go again. Really it is a lot of fun....there is nothing in the world that compares to being a mother...especially of so many. It is such a blessing. You will know if that certian child or group of children are right for you. You know when you can't picture them being parented by anyone else but you. You can't stand to think of them growing up and you not there to see it. We've turned down several adoptive possibilities so far....even one that we have had for over a year. You will know!!! Trust God..and your feelings inside you....the answers will come. Most of all IGNORE...all the stupid comments from strangers or friends and especially family... who can't understand WHY you choose to do this to yourself and your future. What brighter future can you have for yourself and than raising wonderful children who will enrich your life forever. You will know when it is time to stop...or time to take a break!!! Until then...keep up the good work and don't question HOW....you can do this....God will help you...and show you the way....if it is his plan that they stay with you.

You are all so inspiring. Thanks for your words of encouragement. One of my biggest fears is that I will be homebound for the next 5 years with so many little ones. I am an on the go mom and I don't like to be home for more than a day. so, it's good to hear that it's not the end of my days on the town. :) I know it wil lbe lots harder and take more time but it is good to hear that I can make it happen when I want to. We had the kids this weekend and I felt sick to my stomach the whole time. I mean I nearly puked several times. I don't know what that is all about. I don't know if it is my gut telling me it's not right or if I am just nervous i won't live up to the challenge. I believe that God will get me through anything if I am doing it with him so if it is the latter then It is no big deal and will go away...But how do I know why I was sick all weekend. Is it normal to get nervous like that when you are about to get a new placement? I never have before. Dawn

Wow 6 under five. I dont have any advice, but I can see myself in your situation. I have a almost 3 yr which we will be hopefully adopting by the end of this year. We just got 2 girls two weeks ago, a 2 yr old and a 1 month old and they are legal risk. I also recieved a call yesterday from a friend of ours. Her step sister lost her son and now is losing her baby girl and the family wants us to take the baby. She is 2 months old. We are not sure what to do. The one month old is very colicy at night she cries every night usually from 8pm to 1am (to-night was a good night she fell asleep at 10pm.) and they told me that the 2 month old is also and cries a lot at night. My hubby works nights so I would have no help from him, but he does watch the toddlers in the morning while the baby and I sleep in. When I read your story i feel like calling tomorrow and say yes to the second baby. Good luck to you. I know the decision is very hard. I feel guilty when I have to say no, I want to save every child out there, but I dont want to get into something that I cant handle either. Good luck again and I hope things turn out for the best.

oh Dawn...how to say No, I can't either...lol We have 4 adopted thru foster..first a single at age 4, 3 years later a sibling group...twins just turned 4 and the 11 month older brother, who was 4 also. Life was insane....and I smiled all the way thru it. This fall the twins start school, and the SW tell us that the bio mom to the sibling group has 2 more, under 2, that may become available. Will I say NO? I can't. These children have lost their bio family, I can NOT allow them to lose thier sibilings, our family will be "blessed". I am 41 and tired, but I awake to laughter and a renewing that you can't get in a pill!

and it really worked out great, 2 in the sib group were 9 1/2 months apart, so for a while I had 3, 4 years olds ...and it worked out pretty good...if they are close enough in age they can be on the same sports teams and in the same grade, and really in a lot of ways that helps...

WOW I needed to read this !!we have 3 bio kids age 17,13,12 two foster sones ages 23 months and one that just came that is 1(just turned 1) he has two sister they are asking us to take ages 2 and 7 then mom is pregnant and due any day and we would be asked to take that baby as well so we would have a total of 8 children at least 3 are older and can lend a second hand.My dh is worried that we cant not $$ to give them things they would need but I feel God will provide we have the most important thing and that is LOVE<FOOD SHelter.I will be keeping an eye out to see how yours turn out!!Deb