reference letters from friends

My agecny supplied them with forms where they answered questions. That was extremely helpful to my friends. I write a lot of letter of rec as I am a college prof. Usually I start them like: "Person's Name" has asked me to write her a letter of reference and it is my extreme pleasure to do so. I have known person for this long in this capacity. The reasons I think they would be great is because reasons. I have seen them demostrate the following qualities and know them to be the following type of person. etc. Ours asked very pointed questions, like have you ever witnessed physical abuse, or an over use of alcohol or drug use. Also have they ever seen us interact with children and whether the reference themselves had children and would they trust us with caring for theirs... etc. Hopefully this will help your friend. Again, I wish all agencies did what mine did which is provide a form...some people are just not letter writers, but really want to help...so it's a great tool. Best wishes!

My SW also provided a specific form for my references to write on. I would be happy to scan a couple and e-mail them to you if you like. Just PM or e-mail me or reply here.

My agency provided a form as well. If your agency does not maybe you could ask them for a list of topics they would at least like addressed in the letter, this would give your friends a little bit of a starting point. My agency's form made it very clear that the form and answers were confidential. That being said, my dear friends, who know me so well, made me copies of their answers (without me asking). I totally lost it and had a cry fest when reading all of the sweet, generous things they had to say. It was definately became a highlight of the homestudy process for us.

Our agency did not give us a tamplate, so I tried writing a "rough draft" for our friend. It was REALLY rough :) But it did give her ideas of what to say in her real letter. She hand wrote it at work. And I took it home and typed it for her, then brought it back to work for her to proof read and sign/date. I was so overwhelmed with what she said that I kept it for our daughter's lifebook. This is a copy of it: December 14, 2004 To the (agency, Inc.) Staff; I have known Karen & Scott Xxxxxxxx for almost four years and I live in the same neighborhood as they do. Our neighborhood is family oriented and a great place to live. I have children myself, and they say they would not want to live anywhere else. Our area is middle-to upper income families, with a variety of races and cultures. It is safe and very clean, nice parks and places for children small, and older. I met Karen through our common job at XXX company. We used to car pool together. We work very closely in our office. Because I work so closely with Karen, I feel qualified to say that in watching her interactions with our co-workers and customers, I have come to realize she is a very loving and empathetic person. She is also very perceptive and keenly intellectual. She knows how to approach and handle difficult situations with a calm and relaxed attitude. She is definitely someone I would trust to be a good and loving parent as well as role model. Scott, as Karens husband is a perfect match. If it can be said that someone is more practical and calm, it would have to be Scott. He is a very intellectual and loving person. He is anxious to be a father so that he can share his wealth of knowledge and share in the formation of life for a little person. He is very relaxed and is not afraid of the challenges that come with parenthood. He is very eager for the chance to be a father. When Karen told me about her and ScottҒs wish to adopt, I could not have been more excited, for their baby. They will make good, soothing, stable and intelligent parents. They are good people. They have very good occupations, and only want and need a child to give the abundance of love and care that they have to offer. They will make marvelous parents. Feel free to contact me at (916) 684-XXXX if I can be of further assistance. Sincerely, Cherie Xxxxxx I think what was the most moving about her letter was at the end when she said she couldnt be more excited for our baby (not the other way around), implying that we are more than deserving of the child. When I read that my heart lept. I felt that was so beautiful for her to write it that way. We showed the letter to another friend to give ideas of how to present her letter, because she too wanted an idea of what to say. The second letter was also beautifully written. They are the most treasured pieces of our paperchase.

Thanks so much for the help! I've gotten some good ideas to pass along. We went to a pre-training class today, and I was feeling overwhelmed again 'til I read your posts. I'm trying not to let the paperwork overwhelm me but I have to say, it is hard! I keep thinking I just need to say to myself "One form at a time"! Anyway, I'm getting there! Thanks again!

Really that is the best way to do it. One at a time. Don't worry about too much too soon. It will overwhelm you. You're doing great!!!